Perfectly Savage Parenting Moves Most Parents Would Only Mutter Under Their Breath

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. Not only do you have to keep a fumbling, tiny human alive, but you also have to raise them into a fully-functioning person with values and a personality. It's a commitment that takes at minimum 18 years, thousands of dollars, and your blood, sweat, and tears.

After pouring so much of themselves into their kids (who can be bratty--I know I was an annoying little jerk growing up), parents deserve to bite back. Besides, it helps children build character. Here are some of the most savage things parents have said and done to their offspring.

Teaching The Value Of Punctuality

Son was late to practice and had to run laps, even though the dad drove
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sean__Mitchell
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sean__Mitchell

As a member of a sports team, it's important to be punctual to show your respect for the coach and your teammates. This dad went out of his way to make sure his son would take accountability for his tardiness, no matter what prevented him from showing up on time.

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Why Are You Trying To Flex?

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Mom asks why daughter would want a Gucci belt for Hollister jeans
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kara_123_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kara_123_
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Parents are great at reminding us who we are and keeping us down-to-earth whenever we get caught up in our social lives. Bless this mom for giving her daughter a harsh reality check that we can laugh at.

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Trust No One, Not Even Us

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Parents Shoot Child With Nerf Gun
Photo Credit: Instagram / @jguyaux
Photo Credit: Instagram / @jguyaux
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We live in a cruel, dark world where people will hurt you. The ones who say they will never betray your trust eventually will let you down. These parents are kindly teaching their child the ways of the world at an early age. Goodbye, youthful naivety!

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How To Overcome Heartbreak

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Dad tells daughter to stop crying post-breakup because boyfriend was ugly
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_Daleynee
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_Daleynee
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Heartbreak is inevitable. All we can do is accept it and find healthy, positive ways to move on. There's no need to mope and cry — that's annoying to everyone else around you.

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Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated

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Dad wakes up daughter early in the morning as revenge for when she was 4 years old
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland
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This dad is helping his daughter develop relationship skills by teaching her the golden rule. Past actions have consequences, and not everyone can forgive and forget, so it's crucial to treat others exactly how you want to be treated in the future.

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You Aren't That Special

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Child asks if they are adopted; dad asks
Photo Credit: Instagram / @dysfunctionalfemale
Photo Credit: Instagram / @dysfunctionalfemale
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As much as most parents want their children to feel special within a world of billions, sometimes they also have to remind their children that they may not be as wonderful and unique as they believe. It's hard, but it must be done.

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The Importance Of Moderation

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Mom gives child cup with holes to drink alcohol from in college
Photo Credit: Instagram / @peak_of_comedy
Photo Credit: Instagram / @peak_of_comedy
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Nothing in excess; all things in moderation. This mother is teaching her child how to drink responsibly. Extra parenting points for also encouraging environmentalism by giving her kid a reusable container rather than disposable plastic cups!

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Sometimes Fear Is The Best Motivator

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Dad Tells Kids About Animals Who Eat Their Young To Make Them Behave
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ericonederful
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ericonederful
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Is it better to be loved or feared? Both, duh. Sometimes the best way to ensure good behavior is to know that there are fatal consequences with bad behavior. I bet those kids did not complain about the broccoli once and ate every last bite on their plates.

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Prioritize Those Who Matter Most To You

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Dog Sitting In Passenger Car Seat
Photo Credit: Twitter / @spaghemily
Photo Credit: Twitter / @spaghemily
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As much as we wish we could give all of our love to everyone all the time, prioritizing the people in your life who bring you joy and love is essential to achieving happiness. This dad just gets it: dogs > humans.

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Dark Humor Can Be Cathartic

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Dad Captions Pile of Ham Slices as
Photo Credit: Instagram / @richol984
Photo Credit: Instagram / @richol984
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If I was a parent and I had to watch Peppa Pig on a regular basis with my child, I would definitely feel motivated to imagine that cartoon piglet as a pile of sliced ham. Bon appetite, kiddos.

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Talk Back, Get Smacked (Virtually)

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Dad decides to destroy daughter's Minecraft village after she talks back at him
Photo Credit: Imgur / Rastiifan
Photo Credit: Imgur / Rastiifan
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If you talk back and try to sass your parents, you better be prepared for the wrath that follows. This dad knows exactly how to hit where it hurts, and people on the internet are more than willing to help scheme up the perfect, devastating revenge.

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Set Safe Boundaries

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Father tapes
Photo Credit: Imgur / slippinjimmy
Photo Credit: Imgur / slippinjimmy
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This dad understands the importance of following the speed limit and being a safe driver on the road. His commitment to ensuring his kids, who don't have the same driving experience as he does, do the same is an example of amazing social responsibility.

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Be Grateful For The Sacrifices Your Parents Have Made For You

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Mom asks daughter to like her instagram photos; reminds her of childbirth
Photo Credits: Instagram / @CrazyJewishMom
Photo Credits: Instagram / @CrazyJewishMom
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Mothers go through a lot of pain and suffering to bring their children into the world. They at least deserve Instagram likes on photos and the occasional comment or two. Keep those notifications coming!

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Abstinence Is The Only 100% Effective Form Of Birth Control

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Father Comments on Daughters Photo Mentioning Blue Balls
Photo Credit: Reddit / Lockdownn
Photo Credit: Reddit / Lockdownn
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We have to give this Dad an A+ for this comment! He delivers a relevant and witty joke, celebrates abstinence, and embarrasses her daughter online all in one short sentence.

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Alexa, Play "Truth Hurts" By Lizzo

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Mom says people are lying after kid tells her that people said they looked good
Photo Credit: Twitter / @vndresss
Photo Credit: Twitter / @vndresss
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Some people will lie to you to make you feel better about yourself, but this mom is definitely not one of them. At least she knows her mom will never let her buy an unflattering outfit.

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It's Important To Manage Your Funds Well

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Dad writes formal letter to decline son's request for $20
Photo Credit: Imgur / sonan303
Photo Credit: Imgur / sonan303
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Mo' money, mo' problems, am I right? Cheers to this dad for teaching his son the value of maintaining good credit and responsible asset management in the most hilarious way possible!

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Work Smarter, Not Harder

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Mom texts son so that they'll go check their notification in the kitchen and bring snacks
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SwedishCanary
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SwedishCanary
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She saw her opportunity, she knew how to manipulate her son, and she made her play. This is all around brilliant and I'm inspired by her ingenuity. I can only imagine how hard her son rolled his eyes when he read that text.

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These Parents Have Complaints About Laundry Day

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Kleenex, Lotion, and a sign that says
Photo Credit: Reddit
Photo Credit: Reddit
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Ah, puberty. There are many ways to address the fact that stiff socks aren't a pleasure to clean, but these parents went the savage route to let their son know that they know what he's been up to when he "just needed some alone time."

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Mom is a straight savage

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funny moms
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I feel like parenting is a great mix of looking out for your children and being able to chirp them until. The whole idea of "I made you and I can destroy you" rings true in this photo. Kudos to this momma for being straight savage.

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Providing Examples Of Why To Wrap It Up

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Dad shows son photos of himself to encourage condom use
Photo Credit: Instagram / @the_offensive_clown
Photo Credit: Instagram / @the_offensive_clown
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Most of us remember "The Talk" with our parents, which was horrible and uncomfortable. This dad innovated and developed a much more impactful method to really get through to his son. This is a discussion which I'm sure will stick with him for life.

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Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Someone Else

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Mom tells son he can't care for himself, let alone a dog
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jonathanng2710
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jonathanng2710
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If you can't be responsible for yourself, how are you supposed to be responsible for anyone else? Side note: I've never read the term "buffalo body" before, and am also pretty sure I never want to read it again.

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Not Mad, Just Disappointed

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Father tells son about getting burgers only to deny him one
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wet_dream_meme_machine
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wet_dream_meme_machine
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We're all bound to feel disappointment at some point in life, but sometimes it's hard to express how we feel. This dad goes above and beyond to help his son understand his emotions towards him with excellent execution.

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If You're Going To Hide Something, Hide It Well

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Dad finds son's lube and threatens to use it with his mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SuperDuperJordy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SuperDuperJordy
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This dad is ruthless and makes an excellent argument, but I'm currently experiencing the horrible mental image of my parents doing the dirty and need to see my therapist immediately.

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Sometimes Stereotypes Are Correct

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Mother tells her middle child that no one noticed it's middle child day
Photo Credit: Instagram / @lildevilcake
Photo Credit: Instagram / @lildevilcake
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Have you ever heard the stereotype that middle children are the most neglected in families with odd-numbers of siblings? Well, according to this sassy mom, it is true. Happy Middle Child Day (which is Aug. 12, by the way)!

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Don't Do Things You Might Regret In The Future

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Dad gives son a condom in his birthday card, saying he regrets not using one with his wife
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wot_u_sayin_tho
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wot_u_sayin_tho
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Fatherly wisdom is a gift in itself. There are so many things you can regret in life: lost opportunities, the one that got away, or the one you got because you didn't use protection.

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How To Make Decisions

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Mom says
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PETTYMAMII
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PETTYMAMII
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In life, parents are forced to watch their children grow up and make their own choices, but that doesn't stop this mom from letting her daughter know that she's making the wrong ones.

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Just Because You Lived Inside Me For Nine Months Does Not Mean I Have Your Number Saved

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Daughter texts mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mfloritti
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mfloritti
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I feel like this text message is payback for all of those teenage years where the daughter acted like she didn't know her mother in public. Doesn't feel too good to be on the other side, does it?

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Simple Communication Is Good Communication

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Daughter tells mom she's alive; Mom responds
Photo Credit: Instagram / @saraplayslife
Photo Credit: Instagram / @saraplayslife
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Transparency and clarity are at the core of good communication. Adding too many words and thoughts can muddle the message. Keep messages concise and to the point to ensure the other party in the conversation knows you got their message and aren't super invested.

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When You See The Opportunity, Have Fun With It

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Baby Next To Kiwi with a Matching Sticker On Head
Photo Credit: Reddit / khalifa69
Photo Credit: Reddit / khalifa69
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Parenting is hard and can be extremely exhausting. It's okay if you need a moment to step back, relax, and have a little fun. If your baby's head looks like a kiwi, you definitely should take advantage of the photo opportunity.

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Sometimes It's Too Little, Too Late

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After son makes stupid comment, mother asks if she can abort at 224 months
Photo Credit: Imgur / closemyeyesinismona
Photo Credit: Imgur / closemyeyesinismona
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This mother realizes parenthood is, unfortunately, a permanent commitment past a certain point and has no problem letting her child know her mistake. Hindsight is 20/20, but a savage screenshots can always be the present.

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Owen Was Roasted In Front Of The Whole Neighborhood

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sign on front lawn of house reads: Congratulations OWEN... is what we could be saying if you hadn't dropped out of Yale. We gave you everything. xoxo, Mom and Dad
Photo Credit: Reddit / mississippimind
Photo Credit: Reddit / mississippimind
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Since many students couldn't attend their graduations, some parents celebrated the event with signs to share their children's accomplishments. Noticing the trend, Owen's parents decided to put their own spin on it.

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I'm Assuming The Relationship Didn't Last...

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thinking about the time I brought a blond guy home to meet my mom and she asked me why he didn't have eyebrows right in front of him
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JoannaSheps
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JoannaSheps
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When dating someone new, we often worry about saying the wrong thing around them or messing things up on our own. I bet this girl didn't even consider that her mom would be the one to destroy the relationship.

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I Mean, It's Not Wrong

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sticker on rear window of car says
Photo Credit: Reddit / pettie1012
Photo Credit: Reddit / pettie1012
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Raising a child is expensive: from diapers to Little League, to private tutoring, to toys, children really rack up a lot of costs. It's a good thing we love them.

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You Can Always Rely On Fear To Keep Kids In Line

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Me: goodnight kids 
Kids: goodnight dad

Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad

Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
Photo Credit: Twitter / @thenatewolf
Photo Credit: Twitter / @thenatewolf
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We've all read the parenting books that tell you to make your kids respect you to follow your rules rather than fear you, blah blah blah—let me just say that my kids have never stayed in their rooms out of respect.

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Seems Like Home Schooling Isn't Going So Well...

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note written on back window of car reads: You like—my kids are not a joy to have in class :(
Photo Credit: Reddit / wetbudha
Photo Credit: Reddit / wetbudha
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There's nothing like attempting to home school your kids to remind you that teachers have one hell of a job. Parents only have to manage a few kids at once, while teachers have to corral 25 of them.

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Honestly, This Is On The Kid

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stack of USD bills
Photo Credit: Reddit / austronomer99
Photo Credit: Reddit / austronomer99
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When he was going away for college, his parents gave him this gift: a collection of all the money they had found in his pockets over the years while doing his laundry.

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Will Trade My Child For An Extra Bag Of Pretzels

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Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mommyshorts
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mommyshorts
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The only thing worse than being on a flight only to find someone has brought their crying baby on board is to be the parent of said crying baby, who, despite all your efforts, won't calm down.

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It's A Pretty Comprehensive List

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Due to Coronavirus, we are self-isolating. no one may enter except: Ryan Reynolds, Kim Quintero, Thor and those firefighter guys holding puppies who are in that calendar
Photo Credit: Reddit / AZGraybill12
Photo Credit: Reddit / AZGraybill12
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When their adult child came home to visit them in the middle of quarantine, these parents refused to let them into the house because they weren't on the "guest list."

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I Would Be Such A Good Parent Without Kids

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This year, I want to be a better mother, but having kids is making that impossible.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MommaUnfiltered
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MommaUnfiltered
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You know who kids love the most and consider the greatest parents in the world? The fun aunt or uncle who only has to deal with the kids every once in a while.

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Welcome To Parenthood!

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man standing in line to check out at grocer store holding box of diapers, a bottle of coke, and a bottle of jack daniels
Photo Credit: Reddit / bossnacho
Photo Credit: Reddit / bossnacho
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When expectant parents ask what parenthood is like, I try to say things that will keep them optimistic about their upcoming role when, in reality, this photo sums it up perfectly.