Perfectly Savage Parenting Moves Most Parents Would Only Mutter Under Their Breath

Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs on the planet. Not only do you have to keep a fumbling, tiny human alive, but you also have to raise them into a fully-functioning person with values and a personality. It’s a commitment that takes at minimum 18 years, thousands of dollars, and your blood, sweat, and tears.

After pouring so much of themselves into their kids (who can be bratty–I know I was an annoying little jerk growing up), parents deserve to bite back. Besides, it helps children build character. Here are some of the most savage things parents have said and done to their offspring.

Teaching The Value Of Punctuality

Son was late to practice and had to run laps, even though the dad drove
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sean__Mitchell
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sean__Mitchell

As a member of a sports team, it’s important to be punctual to show your respect for the coach and your teammates. This dad went out of his way to make sure his son would take accountability for his tardiness, no matter what prevented him from showing up on time.

Why Are You Trying To Flex?

Mom asks why daughter would want a Gucci belt for Hollister jeans
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kara_123_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kara_123_

Parents are great at reminding us who we are and keeping us down-to-earth whenever we get caught up in our social lives. Bless this mom for giving her daughter a harsh reality check that we can laugh at.

Trust No One, Not Even Us

Parents Shoot Child With Nerf Gun
Photo Credit: Instagram / @jguyaux
Photo Credit: Instagram / @jguyaux

We live in a cruel, dark world where people will hurt you. The ones who say they will never betray your trust eventually will let you down. These parents are kindly teaching their child the ways of the world at an early age. Goodbye, youthful naivety!

How To Overcome Heartbreak

Dad tells daughter to stop crying post-breakup because boyfriend was ugly
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_Daleynee
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_Daleynee

Heartbreak is inevitable. All we can do is accept it and find healthy, positive ways to move on. There’s no need to mope and cry — that’s annoying to everyone else around you.

Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated

Dad wakes up daughter early in the morning as revenge for when she was 4 years old
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland

This dad is helping his daughter develop relationship skills by teaching her the golden rule. Past actions have consequences, and not everyone can forgive and forget, so it’s crucial to treat others exactly how you want to be treated in the future.

You Aren’t That Special

Child asks if they are adopted; dad asks
Photo Credit: Instagram / @dysfunctionalfemale
Photo Credit: Instagram / @dysfunctionalfemale

As much as most parents want their children to feel special within a world of billions, sometimes they also have to remind their children that they may not be as wonderful and unique as they believe. It’s hard, but it must be done.

The Importance Of Moderation

Mom gives child cup with holes to drink alcohol from in college
Photo Credit: Instagram / @peak_of_comedy
Photo Credit: Instagram / @peak_of_comedy

Nothing in excess; all things in moderation. This mother is teaching her child how to drink responsibly. Extra parenting points for also encouraging environmentalism by giving her kid a reusable container rather than disposable plastic cups!

Sometimes Fear Is The Best Motivator

Dad Tells Kids About Animals Who Eat Their Young To Make Them Behave
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ericonederful
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ericonederful

Is it better to be loved or feared? Both, duh. Sometimes the best way to ensure good behavior is to know that there are fatal consequences with bad behavior. I bet those kids did not complain about the broccoli once and ate every last bite on their plates.

Prioritize Those Who Matter Most To You

Dog Sitting In Passenger Car Seat
Photo Credit: Twitter / @spaghemily
Photo Credit: Twitter / @spaghemily

As much as we wish we could give all of our love to everyone all the time, prioritizing the people in your life who bring you joy and love is essential to achieving happiness. This dad just gets it: dogs > humans.

Dark Humor Can Be Cathartic

Dad Captions Pile of Ham Slices as
Photo Credit: Instagram / @richol984
Photo Credit: Instagram / @richol984

If I was a parent and I had to watch Peppa Pig on a regular basis with my child, I would definitely feel motivated to imagine that cartoon piglet as a pile of sliced ham. Bon appetite, kiddos.

Talk Back, Get Smacked (Virtually)

Dad decides to destroy daughter's Minecraft village after she talks back at him
Photo Credit: Imgur / Rastiifan
Photo Credit: Imgur / Rastiifan

If you talk back and try to sass your parents, you better be prepared for the wrath that follows. This dad knows exactly how to hit where it hurts, and people on the internet are more than willing to help scheme up the perfect, devastating revenge.

Set Safe Boundaries

Father tapes
Photo Credit: Imgur / slippinjimmy
Photo Credit: Imgur / slippinjimmy

This dad understands the importance of following the speed limit and being a safe driver on the road. His commitment to ensuring his kids, who don’t have the same driving experience as he does, do the same is an example of amazing social responsibility.

Be Grateful For The Sacrifices Your Parents Have Made For You

Mom asks daughter to like her instagram photos; reminds her of childbirth
Photo Credits: Instagram / @CrazyJewishMom
Photo Credits: Instagram / @CrazyJewishMom

Mothers go through a lot of pain and suffering to bring their children into the world. They at least deserve Instagram likes on photos and the occasional comment or two. Keep those notifications coming!

Abstinence Is The Only 100% Effective Form Of Birth Control

Father Comments on Daughters Photo Mentioning Blue Balls
Photo Credit: Reddit / Lockdownn
Photo Credit: Reddit / Lockdownn

We have to give this Dad an A+ for this comment! He delivers a relevant and witty joke, celebrates abstinence, and embarrasses her daughter online all in one short sentence.

Alexa, Play “Truth Hurts” By Lizzo

Mom says people are lying after kid tells her that people said they looked good
Photo Credit: Twitter / @vndresss
Photo Credit: Twitter / @vndresss

Some people will lie to you to make you feel better about yourself, but this mom is definitely not one of them. At least she knows her mom will never let her buy an unflattering outfit.

It’s Important To Manage Your Funds Well

Dad writes formal letter to decline son's request for $20
Photo Credit: Imgur / sonan303
Photo Credit: Imgur / sonan303

Mo’ money, mo’ problems, am I right? Cheers to this dad for teaching his son the value of maintaining good credit and responsible asset management in the most hilarious way possible!

Work Smarter, Not Harder

Mom texts son so that they'll go check their notification in the kitchen and bring snacks
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SwedishCanary
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SwedishCanary

She saw her opportunity, she knew how to manipulate her son, and she made her play. This is all around brilliant and I’m inspired by her ingenuity. I can only imagine how hard her son rolled his eyes when he read that text.

These Parents Have Complaints About Laundry Day

Kleenex, Lotion, and a sign that says
Photo Credit: Reddit
Photo Credit: Reddit

Ah, puberty. There are many ways to address the fact that stiff socks aren’t a pleasure to clean, but these parents went the savage route to let their son know that they know what he’s been up to when he “just needed some alone time.”

You Can’t Fully Trust Technology

Mom says
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dempquisha
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dempquisha

Look at that! What a horrible misinterpretation by autocorrect technology! You really can’t trust these phones or the internet. So glad this mother caught the error before her daughter got the wrong idea.

Providing Examples Of Why To Wrap It Up

Dad shows son photos of himself to encourage condom use
Photo Credit: Instagram / @the_offensive_clown
Photo Credit: Instagram / @the_offensive_clown

Most of us remember “The Talk” with our parents, which was horrible and uncomfortable. This dad innovated and developed a much more impactful method to really get through to his son. This is a discussion which I’m sure will stick with him for life.

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask Before Helping Someone Else

Mom tells son he can't care for himself, let alone a dog
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jonathanng2710
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jonathanng2710

If you can’t be responsible for yourself, how are you supposed to be responsible for anyone else? Side note: I’ve never read the term “buffalo body” before, and am also pretty sure I never want to read it again.

Not Mad, Just Disappointed

Father tells son about getting burgers only to deny him one
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wet_dream_meme_machine
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wet_dream_meme_machine

We’re all bound to feel disappointment at some point in life, but sometimes it’s hard to express how we feel. This dad goes above and beyond to help his son understand his emotions towards him with excellent execution.

If You’re Going To Hide Something, Hide It Well

Dad finds son's lube and threatens to use it with his mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SuperDuperJordy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @SuperDuperJordy

This dad is ruthless and makes an excellent argument, but I’m currently experiencing the horrible mental image of my parents doing the dirty and need to see my therapist immediately.

Sometimes Stereotypes Are Correct

Mother tells her middle child that no one noticed it's middle child day
Photo Credit: Instagram / @lildevilcake
Photo Credit: Instagram / @lildevilcake

Have you ever heard the stereotype that middle children are the most neglected in families with odd-numbers of siblings? Well, according to this sassy mom, it is true. Happy Middle Child Day (which is Aug. 12, by the way)!

Don’t Do Things You Might Regret In The Future

Dad gives son a condom in his birthday card, saying he regrets not using one with his wife
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wot_u_sayin_tho
Photo Credit: Instagram / @wot_u_sayin_tho

Fatherly wisdom is a gift in itself. There are so many things you can regret in life: lost opportunities, the one that got away, or the one you got because you didn’t use protection.

How To Make Decisions

Mom says
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PETTYMAMII
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PETTYMAMII

In life, parents are forced to watch their children grow up and make their own choices, but that doesn’t stop this mom from letting her daughter know that she’s making the wrong ones.

Just Because You Lived Inside Me For Nine Months Does Not Mean I Have Your Number Saved

Daughter texts mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mfloritti
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mfloritti

I feel like this text message is payback for all of those teenage years where the daughter acted like she didn’t know her mother in public. Doesn’t feel too good to be on the other side, does it?

Simple Communication Is Good Communication

Daughter tells mom she's alive; Mom responds
Photo Credit: Instagram / @saraplayslife
Photo Credit: Instagram / @saraplayslife

Transparency and clarity are at the core of good communication. Adding too many words and thoughts can muddle the message. Keep messages concise and to the point to ensure the other party in the conversation knows you got their message and aren’t super invested.

When You See The Opportunity, Have Fun With It

Baby Next To Kiwi with a Matching Sticker On Head
Photo Credit: Reddit / khalifa69
Photo Credit: Reddit / khalifa69

Parenting ishard and can be extremely exhausting. It’s okay if you need a moment to step back, relax, and have a little fun. If your baby’s head looks like a kiwi, you definitely should take advantage of the photo opportunity.

Sometimes It’s Too Little, Too Late

After son makes stupid comment, mother asks if she can abort at 224 months
Photo Credit: Imgur / closemyeyesinismona
Photo Credit: Imgur / closemyeyesinismona

This mother realizes parenthood is, unfortunately, a permanent commitment past a certain point and has no problem letting her child know her mistake. Hindsight is 20/20, but a savage screenshots can always be the present.