Dead Giveaways That Someone Peaked In High School, And It’s Scary Accurate
You know the type. He's got the ratty Metallica t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, the 3-year mullet, and the carabiner on his cargo shorts that only has his housekey because he can't drive anymore. Maybe you're psychic, but something tells you this man peaked in high school.
People are sharing the signs that someone peaked in high school and it's wild how spot-on they are. You could practically go back to your hometown haunts with a checklist. So, round up your Biffs, Brads, Chads, and Susies because they're going to want to hear this.
Ye Olde Budweiser And Friends T-Shirt
Karen Collins on Quora enlightens us by saying that she can tell when "you still dress like you did as a teenager in the 80s, maybe the t-shirt or tank top is a newer beer." Ahem, Budweiser shirt.
Listen, it's not the shirt itself that makes it obvious, but it's the whole aura that the shirt adds to. Like the aura that you can crack open beers with your teeth and tell people about this skill you cultivated when you were 17 even though you're at a dinner party in a house with a bottle opener. Just open the drawer Jim.
If You're A Part Of An Essential Oil Pyramid Scheme You Probably Also Still Talk About Your Glory Days
Reddit user Hdmc1123 shares that a major tell is "selling your pyramid scheme essential oils on Facebook." Yeah, we agree. Can we get that to include purses, leggings, makeup, and skin treatments too?
These entrepreneurs are out here on the internet to bog down your timeline and potentially rob you. We get it though, pyramid schemes thrive on making you hurt others the way you've been hurt. So cut the chain of abuse and say no to the lavender relaxation body scrub that's going to give you a rash anyway.
A Tattoo Of The Mascot
Reddit user shs0007 says that she "dated a guy with his high school mascot tattooed on his arm. It was such a turnoff." Look, it seems like a good idea in the moment but these guys need to think 10 years down the line, because this one is a dead giveaway.
"No, no, look babe. When I flex it's like the leprechaun is running. See?" It never looks right Chad, we promise you. Extra points if they got the ink after winning a big football game.
If You're Buying Beer For Highschoolers And Partying With Them You're Definitely Living In The Past
Reddit user tobraham says a dead giveaway is "partying with high schoolers when you're 30." It's not technically illegal but maybe it should be just based on how creepy and sad it is.
We all know that guy, the one who showed up to every junior party or even hosted it at his house. He had all that long neck hair and a really cool beta fish that would follow your finger around the tank. He was so cool right? Now that you're older and wiser you definitely know better.
If You're Living Billy Joel's American Pie
Reddit user shugerbooger shows us how art imitates life when he says a requirement is living Billy Joel's American Pie where "you and your ex were the king and the queen of the prom, the two of you married right after high school, and it all went to hell from there. Bonus points if your names are Brenda and Eddie."
We all must've known the same people as Billy, because there are probably at least 6 Brendas and Eddies in your Facebook friend list right now. You knew that relationship would never work, but you wished them the best.
Visiting Your Highschool After You Graduate To Say "Heyyyyyy"
Reddit user adumbcollegestudent3 says that the peakers were "the students who returned to the school every time they came home from school just so people would pay attention to them." Actually physically coming back just completes a person who's also mentally in high school as well.
This trend doesn't actually make a whole lot of sense. Chances are nobody's going to remember you in a couple of years so you might as well get a job at the school to stay current. "School legend," however, isn't a career they're currently hiring for.
Bringing Your Old Beef To The 10-Year Reunion
Reddit user BigGrombus03 spits the truth when they say that you definitely peaked if you're "still bullying the 'nerds' at your 10-year reunion." This is a bold move considering those nerds probably work in IT now and are making quadruple your salary. Stay in your lane Biff-the-vacuum-salesman.
High school 10-year reunions, in general, are a hotbed for people who haven't moved on. Sure, you can go to reunite with old friends but chances are most people are just down to get drunk off watery lagers and reminisce. It's also most likely the organizers are the ones most missing their "glory days."
Overusing The #TBT
Reddit user WillFlash4DoggoPics shares that they can tell when people "share EVERY memory from Facebook talking about the 'good ol days' when it's only been a few years since graduation." Thank you internet for making it easier to spot the people completely living in the past.
The #tbt hashtag is the main perp behind this trend. This fun little tag made it socially acceptable for all the nostalgia maniacs to post photos from freshman homecoming well into their 20's. No, Becky, it'll never be okay because nobody cares about all the Fireball you drank 8 years ago at the game.
Keeping That Prom Swag For Decades
Most people hang onto the novelty shot glasses from prom. Other people get custom sashes made to commemorate the night years after the fact. Reddit user acava2424 had a high school reunion with one of the latter.
Acava2424 writes, "At my ten-year reunion, the prom queen came wearing a tiara with a custom 'Queen '03' sash over her shoulder. I had to go outside I was laughing so hard." Prom must've been a night to remember if she's willing to drop serious coin to get custom gear made. But she probably just peaked in high school.
Sometimes It's You
Reddit user Jaeburwahkei had a bit of a sober realization that he was the high school-peaker when he was sitting in "the back of my 92 Camaro while icing the knee that I blew out at the championship game senior year and reading through the divorce papers." Ouch.
Luckily, it's never too late to move on from the glory days and stop your transformation into Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite. Just stop yourself before you start talking about throwing a pigskin a quarter-mile and making fun of your nephew for being interested in music and other "geeky" stuff.
Bringing Up Your Old Test And Assignment Scores Because Baby You Were Just That Brillant
Reddit user karnim speaks the truth when they say it's obvious you peaked when you "make any mention of SAT or ACT scores." It might never be cool to brag about grades, but it definitely gets exponentially less cool the farther and farther you get down the line from those SAT or ACT scores.
There are only two types of SAT scores: good enough to get in, and not good enough. There's not a third type called "bring up in any social, business, or academic situation to prove your worth." You might as well read your horoscope for all it's worth.
Buying And Rocking That Class Ring And Letterman Jacket Combo
Corporate-Asset-6375 on Reddit says you peaked if you're "still wearing your letterman jacket and class ring in your 30's." These items are like wearing museum relics —they tell a story about an ancient culture that everyone has heard of but doesn't care to learn any facts about. The History Channel just won't do an op-doc on it.
There's nothing wrong with buying and wearing these. But the more years go by the weirder it gets. If you're at your little brother's game and you match a student, chances are you've gone too far.
This Guy Probably Polishes His Trophies And Whispers Sweet Nothings To Them At Night
Reddit user duchess_madeleine encountered a real-life high school peaker in her old high school's football coach. She writes that he "held a record as a linebacker for when he was in high school in the '80s."
"One kid a few years ago came 30 yards away from breaking that record, and the coach promptly took him out of the game and kept him out for the rest of the season so no one could break his record from 30 years ago." Defending his title was probably the whole reason he became a coach in the first place.
If Your Parents Got This Excited About Your Games They Probably Peaked Themselves
SirRogers on Reddit points out that "really aggressive sport parents" are usually the ones reliving their glory days via you and your student athletics. Even if you're a bench warmer in little league they'll still don the face paint and start working on their best referee insults.
Now, we appreciate the time our parents took to take us to these games and the support they gave us. Just the amount of support is a little much. Nothing says "I miss the good ol' days" like getting kicked out of a tyke soccer game because you threw your lawnchair in anger.
Shelling Out Serious Coin For That Prom Moment Like It's Your Wedding Day
Prom is kind of like your wedding. Only you're getting married with 300 other people also getting married, you're going to be belligerent during the entire thing, and there's a random monarchical presence with a King and Queen.
Reddit user WHOAitsTyler pointed out how it's all downhill after "your parents spend over $1K on a custom-designed prom dress." Honestly, you can apply that unnecessary prom hype to everything from renting a limo, holding an insane hotel party, and cashing out for a photographer. Seriously, spending like it's your wedding day is like screaming from the rooftops that you peaked.
Probably Being Good At Something Now Because You Took Algebra In High School
Reddit user GreatJanitor shares a conversation he had with his brother that led to him creating the requirement that high school peakers "tell their college grad older brother 'yes, you got a math-heavy degree, but in high school I took algebra 2 and you took geometry like everyone else looking for the easy path.'"
Everybody knows that if you took a hard class in high school then you basically know more than someone who's dedicated post-secondary time and money to the field. It's just common sense. Mrs. Baker the math teacher really prepared us for a lot you know.
Keeping The Numbers Of The Cuties, Just In Case
Lemonandhunny on Reddit reminds us that even our parents can be the peakers, since her mom, "a 42-year-old, has a giant stack of numbers that boys gave her in high school that she brings out to brag every now and then."
This is next level "I peaked in high school." This mom heard your complaints about the people who always brag about their dubious high school love lives and thought she'd stack up some evidence to prove hers. Nobody ever doubted you, we just all want to stop hearing about it.
If We Can Hear Your Car Coming From Down The Street, Chances Are You Peaked In High School
Reddit user agathaprickly on Reddit says what we've all been thinking when she says that peakers have "loud mufflers and rev their engines on residential streets." We knew it. We knew there was something off about those muffler people. Turns out they're the same ones we hate who peaked in high school. Who'd have thought?
If you don't care about the sound of your engine waking the dead, chances are you don't care about other people enough to want to hash over the good ol' days over a couple of cold ones. Just like your car, you probably won't keep quiet.
Bringing Up Unsolicited Big Game Highlights Years Later
MasterTeacher123 on Reddit shares that you peaked if you're "still bragging about high school basketball games from 10 years ago." If you're doing this just know that nobody cares and you should stop bringing it up because it kills the mood in a group setting. Aren't you curious why everyone gets really interested in their beers the moment you mention "the championship?"
What person sits there floored at the touchdowns, baskets, or Quidditch points you scored 8 years ago? You're not talking to scouts over here. Stick to replaying the highlights from your camcorder in the basement.
Going To The Local Watering Hole Where Everyone's An Alumn
Reddit user markedmo points out a faux pas you might've been doing when they say that you peaked if you're "still drinking in the same pub you drank in as a student. Because that's now full of students." Nostalgia and talking about teachers you hated is always on tap when literally none of you have anything else in common.
This is an easy pitfall if you're living in your hometown. A good rule of thumb is that if you had geography class with more than 5 people there then you should leave.
