These Are Not The Kids They Prepared Us For In The Parenting Books

Have kids they said… It’ll be fun they said… You can read all the parenting books you want, get advice from your fellow moms and dads, and check out all the mommy blogs, but there will always be moments with your kids where you think ‘what on earth did I do to deserve this?”

Sometimes they order $300 worth of toys off of Amazon without telling you, or they spread Lego around the computer so no one else can use it, and all you can do is laugh about it.

Feeling Sluggish

slug hospital escaping patients
Photo Credit: Twitter / @cwilso
Photo Credit: Twitter / @cwilso

Chris Wilson shared this photo of his daughters’ latest backyard business with this explanation: “My daughters built a slug hospital and found 30+ ‘patients’ who are now escaping and nothing in the parenting books prepared me for this.” Maybe they were at the hospital because they were feeling sluggish.

What do you do? Option 1: Walk away and pretend you never saw it happening. Option 2: Take all the slugs back to the hospital so that your daughters aren’t heartbroken. It’s Sophie’s choice.

A Rocky Start To A Happy Ending

kid ordering toys without her parents knowing
Photo Credit: Twitter / @R_tatas
Photo Credit: Twitter / @R_tatas

@R_tatas shared photos on Twitter of her aunt and uncle in a situation no parent expected. Apparently, the Twitter user’s cousin Kaitlin ordered $300 worth of toys from Amazon without her parent’s knowledge and was pretty proud of herself when they got delivered.

In the end, Kaitlin and her parents made the decision to donate all of the toys to the local children’s hospital where Kaitlin herself stayed when she was ill as a baby. Seems like these parents knew what they were doing in the end!

Please Don’t Interrupt Me

i missed the bus letter from kid to mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarahhollidayyy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarahhollidayyy

“As your son, I regret to inform you that I’ve missed my means of public transportation. I know you must be on a rollercoaster of emotions right now but rest assured, I’ve decided to stay home.” Well, at least this boy was able to take on a leadership role and step up to make that difficult decision.

His older sister shared this letter on Twitter that her little brother wrote to her parents, and later updated the public that her mom did, in fact, let him stay home. Maybe he has a career as a writer in his future…

Faking A Toothache

who has a dentist appt tweet screenshot
Photo Credit: Twitter
Photo Credit: Twitter

The punishment for this one should’ve been actually having to go to the dentist. It’s hard not to laugh though, cause that was certainly quick thinking on the part of this kid. The Twitter user later shared that after the initial shock wore off, his mother marched him right back to school.

He said at the time he was expecting his mom to congratulate him on his great accomplishment but, unsurprisingly, she didn’t.

The Climber

climbing kid at lowes on top of displays
Photo Credit: Reddit
Photo Credit: Reddit

A special breed of child, ‘The Climber’ is the kind of kid no one warns you about. You can only learn about them properly once you experience them. Maybe you were the climber and you put your parents through this situation, or you are the parent in the situation.

The man who seems to be the father looks like this is definitely not the first time they’ve been in this situation. Guess it’s time to call mom!

Hit ‘Em Where It Hurts

lego minefield from twitter
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Six_Pack_Mom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Six_Pack_Mom

Stephanie Ortiz shared a photo on Twitter showing off the pure genius of her five-year-old. Ortiz came into the room to find her daughter had skillfully placed Legos around her chair to “keep everyone else away” because it was her turn on the computer.

She’s resourceful, that’s for sure. Nothing hurts more than unexpectedly stepping on a piece of Lego, and this little girl is taking full advantage of that.

Quality Control

little girl who brings clipboard to stores and makes random checkmarks
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bottlerocket
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bottlerocket

Sometimes you raise a kid who is very in tune with her inner critic and you find yourself wondering how you ended up with Simon Cowell for a child. This little girl, for instance, apparently brings a checklist to any store she goes into and just makes random checkmarks on it. Shockingly, it makes people a little concerned and uncomfortable.

One Twitter user commented that she should go as Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter for Halloween, and it’s a genius idea.

Birthday Cake With A Twist

lasagna cake for 10th birthday
Photo Credit: Reddit
Photo Credit: Reddit

This girl asked for something a little different than most to celebrate her first double-digits birthday: a birthday ‘cake’ made of lasagna.

One Reddit user pointed out that regardless of how strange it might be, it has a lot more use than a regular birthday cake. “You telling me you want something I can reheat and feed you for the rest of the week?” Practical, delicious, and just what the birthday girl ordered. Happy 10th birthday kid!

Every Little Girl’s Dream

nun-themed bday for 3 year old
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dreeaaxo_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dreeaaxo_

Andrea shared photos on Twitter of her cousin’s horror movie-themed birthday party and they quickly went viral. These photos left us wondering why this three-year-old had seen The Nun. Anyway, she clearly enjoyed it so it seems like maybe the ‘why’ behind it doesn’t really matter…

Lucia reportedly had a Frozen themed party for her 2nd birthday, though that seems miles behind this one. They say children develop quickly when they’re young but her parents probably didn’t expect this.

Split-Second Decision

tweet about crashing car and faking her death
Photo Twitter / @maddzcat
Photo Twitter / @maddzcat

How does someone even think of this? Imagine her thought process. “Okay I can either own up to it and tell my parents I got into an accident, OR, better idea, I can just fake my own death. Yes, that’s the right decision.”

The girl later tweeted out a screenshot of a text conversation with her dad where he talked about how “funny” he found the prank after it involved an ambulance ride that was “10x the expense of the golf cart AND the car you hit.” Seems like Madison made the right decision.

She Got It From Her Mama

inflatable suit girl ordered with mom's credit card
Photo Credit: Twitter / @KaraMcLoughlin3
Photo Credit: Twitter / @KaraMcLoughlin3

Kara McLoughlin tweeted out a series of photos of a pink inflatable suit that she bought with her mom’s credit card without her mom knowing, and to no one’s surprise, “she kinda got mad but it was worth it.”

The real question is how much was it and where can we get one? The best part is the pure joy on Kara’s face. How could her mom get mad at that? It’s also fair to assume she probably paid her mom back for this one.

Not Very Apeeling

bananas opened
Photo Credit: Twitter / @VictorPopeJr
Photo Credit: Twitter / @VictorPopeJr

Ah yes, the scene of the crime. What seems to be a few overly-ripe bananas is actually the sign of a kid who is far too smart for us all and who has clearly mastered the art of being passive-aggressive. He’ll make a great husband someday.

Victor shared this photo on Twitter explaining “my son got mad at me yesterday and opened all the bananas in the house.” Talking about going bananas…

Sourdough Deception

sourdough deception - small boy had sugar packets hidden inside loaf of bread
Photo Credit: Twitter / @peterhartlaub
Photo Credit: Twitter / @peterhartlaub

This dad really met his match when his younger son snuck sugar packets out of a restaurant in a hollowed-out breadstick. There had been previous incidents involving packets of sugar that led to the checking of the boy’s pockets prior to leaving restaurants, so he had to get creative!

The dad described it as ‘the most ‘Shawshank Redemption’ story you’ll hear today” when he shared the photos on Twitter, and the story was later updated with the fact that for Christmas his son ended up receiving multiple presents wrapped inside of loaves of sourdough bread.

Ticking Time Bomb

9 year old boy found unexploded bomb in Guernsey
Photo Credit: Twitter / @imipak
Photo Credit: Twitter / @imipak

It’s like when your cat brings you a present from outside to the backdoor, except much, much worse. Do you think he was specifically looking for unexploded ammunition or just digging for fun?

The Twitterer said there had been an ice cream truck previously parked right over the spot where he found the bomb – which was the original reason he was there – and seems to think it was better he found it than the adults running the truck, but his mom probably disagrees with that one.

No Restrictions

birthday cake snack brought home by kids
Photo Credit: Twitter / @meganbielby
Photo Credit: Twitter / @meganbielby

Megan shared this photo of the ‘snack’ her daughter brought home with her when she sent her kids to the grocery store unsupervised to pick up snacks for themselves. Yes. That is a birthday cake.

The clear argument here is mom never specified what actually counts as a snack, so anything is fair game. She never said they couldn’t get a birthday cake. No one on Twitter seemed to disagree with the daughter’s decision.

20/20 Vision

carrots all over the kitchen
Photo Credit: Twitter / @madddiiison
Photo Credit: Twitter / @madddiiison

Sometimes your kid wants a princess tea party, other times they want to play video games, or in some cases, they want to play with… carrots? And look how proud he is of himself! How can you be upset at a face like that?

Twitter user Madison shared this picture of her cousin’s son who can’t really explain why the son chose to do it, but there are definitely worse things the boy could’ve done when left to his own devices.

A Star Is Born

hot dog at dance class on princess day
Photo Credit: Twitter
Photo Credit: Twitter

Why did the hot dog turn down the chance to be in a major motion picture? None of the rolls were a good fit!

This little girl is not here to conform to the societal norms Disney has created for little girls. It was ‘princess day’ at dance class but rather than dressing up as Cinderella or Rapunzel, this girl showed up in a hot dog costume. Some kids were just born to stand out.

The Fight For Equality

tweet about school protest for equality
Photo Credit: Twitter / @julieingersoll
Photo Credit: Twitter / @julieingersoll

Imagine getting called to the school because your child organized a protest, and then you find out they staged a protest for equality. How can you get mad at them for that? There are certainly worse causes she could’ve protested about.

They say we’re supposed to raise our children to be leaders right? This feels like one of those situations where you can act upset as a parent in the principal’s office, then leave the office and give your kid a high five.

For Your Eyes Only

stack of 'top secret' files that say 'for your eyes only'
Photo Credit: Rui Vieira – PA Images/PA Images via Getty Images
Photo Credit: Rui Vieira – PA Images/PA Images via Getty Images

One Reddit user shared a story about a top secret condiment being kept in her child’s room. When they went in to their 8-year-old son’s room, they found a mustard packet taped to the back of his door labelled “Top Secret.”

She never asked why, and it still remains unknown. At least it wasn’t anything smelly like an old sandwich or something (or maybe that is there too but she hasn’t found it yet.)

Spidey-Senses

spiderman watching over his sister
Photo Credit: Facebook / Janile Gross
Photo Credit: Facebook / Janile Gross

With great power comes great responsibility. Janile Gross shared this photo on Facebook after she asked her five-year-old to keep an eye on his little sister while Janile was serving out dinner. Janile peeked out of the kitchen to find that her son was taking his task very seriously.

This may not have been what the mom meant but at least he follows instructions. It also seems like this could be an accident waiting to happen, but that’s a problem for another parent, right?