Having a toddler is like having a guest over that’s completely drunk and has lost their glasses. No worries, just duct tape some foam to the furniture corners and pray. A lot.
These parents definitely have their hands full with toddlers that have no regard for their own safety, appearance, or even placement in the world. “Am I upside down wedged in between a bed and a wall? This seems like a perfect place to take a quick nap.” Check out these chaotic kids and their long-suffering parents.
This Ghoulish Kid Needs To Not
When you marry someone and start a family, one of the specific requirements should be that the person isn’t the girl from The Ring. Once you check that minor box the rest should fall easily into place and you’ll have awesome non-haunted children.
This toddler clearly has decided that a normal life not breathing on doors excessively like a horror movie monster just wasn’t for them. This kind of face staring at you every time you use the bathroom is enough to warrant a curtain. Thick cotton too.
You Can’t Look Away For A Second
This kid is out here living her best life doing the thing we’ve always wanted to do. Running under the garage and hopping over the invisible sensor is for beginners – the ascent up the door is the fabled journey you’ve secretly wanted to take.
This mom knows now she can’t even turn her head for a minute without everything turning crazy. She’s got a toddler, a dog, and a baby flanking her from all sides. Where can she even turn? She’s going to have to invest in 360 vision.
Bring The Groceries And The Toddler In One Trip
We’ve all been there. That moment when there are slightly too many bags and you have slightly too few hands to carry them all. What do you do? Do you turn back? No. You tighten your belt and take a deep yoga breath because warrior, you’re doing this in one trip.
Now, what if that extra bag of dead weight was a kid? Same rules apply. Just because your insane toddler prefers the sweet feeling of cool concrete over a bed doesn’t mean you’re leaving them out there like a novice grocery carrier. Power on dad.
Same Thing, Different Thing, Who Cares It’s All Good
We all get confused sometimes. Usually, it’s little things like accidentally putting on the wrong shoe or adding salt instead of sugar. The point of making mistakes is learning to fix it and move on. This kid, however, would rather just deal.
Blankets for pillows and pillows for blankets. It’s so close to being right but it’s so wrong. Props to her for trying to make it work but there are some cases where a simple dose of logic can go a long way. Just lie still for now and imagine the feeling of a soft blanket that covers your body.
This Toddler Decided The Vent Was The Perfect Jungle Gym
Toddlers are basically the people outside you see doing their own workouts on random buildings and equipment. If you have the drive, anywhere can be your gym. Or in this toddler’s case, the jungle gym.
This toddler listened to ‘Go Your Own Way’ by Fleetwood Mac one too many times and decided to make her own path. Unfortunately, this one leads right towards the furnace. As long as she doesn’t listen to ‘Landslide’ she should be fine.
This Photo Pretty Much Sums Up What It’s Like Having A Toddler
Here’s a fun game idea – is that a dementor under her dress, a toddler, or a spirit who died waiting for their significant other to finish up in the change room? This kid is all chaos all the time.
This photo shows that you can’t get anything done around a toddler without it being completely derailed and turned into some kind of game. Oh, were you trying to see if you wanted to buy that dress? Let’s play instead. Burgundy wasn’t really your color anyways.
You Wanted To Do This To Decorative Fruit At Some Point Too
Remember going over to your grandma’s house and she would weirdly have a bunch of fake fruit sitting on her table as a centerpiece? Those grapes always looked suspiciously close to the real thing. You and the dog would be casually eyeing them every time you were over trying to figure out from afar what was up.
This toddler decided to just jump right in and see for themselves if the fruit was real or fake. Respectable, but lemons? That’s the nastiest fruit this kid could’ve taken a chance on. When life gives you decorative lemons eat them anyways.
Surfin’ California Or Surfin’ Mom?
Remember when you first heard of surfers and watched their cool selves shred the Miami coast on MTV? Those dudes and dudettes were so out of this world you wanted to be them. Maybe you asked your mom for a surfer Barbie or Ken, or maybe you were more like this toddler.
This kid decided to pursue his dreams no matter what. No water? No matter. Mom is here and her back is looking like it can take some gnarly waves. I think we can all agree that her face says it all.
You Can Sleep When You’re Dead Dad
Being a kid is great because you basically get to choose when you sleep and when you don’t. Oh and your choice means that the rest of the house has to do the same thing too. So when it’s 5 am and looking gorgeous outside we’re all going out.
This kid heard ‘5 more minutes’ and raised his dad a ‘better now than never.’ We’ve never seen any dad look so defeated – he’s trying his best to hold onto a little morning grogginess before he’s completely up. Count the sheep dad, maybe they’ll scare the toddler off your head.
This Photo Is Everything You Need To Know About Traveling With A Toddler
Usually, when you’re traveling, you’re juggling everything at once. Flight schedules, tickets, passports, suitcases, carry-ons, and that $6 bag of pretzels that you just had to have on the way into gate 6. Oh, and your toddler.
This little jet-setter said ‘no thank you’ to every airport convention he’s heard of. Walking? No. Being on time for a flight? Nah, I’d rather just stay here and press my face into the cool ceramic floor that thousands walk over every day. Hopefully, his parents treat themselves to the alcohol cart because they need it.
This Toddler Steals Lawn Ornaments Like A Drunk College Student
Remember that college party where you stole a gnome and then brought it everywhere you went before slowly forgetting about it and getting tired of explaining it to people every time they came over? Well, this toddler found her gnome pretty early.
She’s that drunk friend who transforms into a kleptomaniac the minute they get a sip of alcohol in them. That’s fine… until you have to go around explaining your decisions to everyone. You can really see the disappointment in your friend’s eyes when you show them the novelty sundial you took last night.
Putting Shoes On A Two-Year-Old Is A Mission
One of the hardest skills you learn growing up is the ol’ left foot, left shoe, right foot, right shoe rule. Or it would be hard if you bothered to learn it at all. Check out this toddler’s little lifehack for all those unwilling kids out there.
It’s great that they were in a home appliance store when their child chose to have this little meltdown. The added stress from shopping and toting around a two-year-old makes this photo an expression of the perfect storm for a parent. Now get this flip flop on you little…
This Painting Horror Story
For some reason toddlers like to pick up the habits they’ve seen in horror movies and roll with them. Heavy breathing on glass windowpanes, hiding behind doors, and crawling up the stairs on all fours become their new favorite things to do. What a treat.
Imagine coming home at 2 am like this Reddit user and seeing this all down your basement stairs. Are you angry, scared, or confused? Is there a word for all 3? Yes, it’s called being a parent.
This Ring Bearer Was Asleep At The Wheel
We’ve all had that one wedding guest that’s gotten way too sloshed way too early and has ended up on the dance floor embarrassing themselves before ultimately falling asleep in a chair in the corner. Who knew it would be a toddler this time?
Hey, at least it wasn’t his own wedding. This is a best-case scenario for a toddler nap – plenty of supervisors, black clothing for unexpected stains, and a place to lay down that’s not on the floor. Who really cares if there’s a ceremony going on?
This Sweet Kid Made His Mom Breakfast
We’ve all got to know when to introduce a bit of healthy reality to our kid’s lives and gently break it to them they’re probably not going to be the first astronaut president robot. Or in this case, maybe not a fine dining chef.
We’ve got to hand it to this toddler though – they care about making their parent happy. Sure, they haven’t completely understood why they pour the coffee into the water-grinder-thing every morning, but that doesn’t mean they can’t replicate the result! It’s coffee soup! Bone apple tea mom and dad.
This Baby Is The Reason Why You Should Never Drink And Drive
Parents of toddlers come home and basically expect to see the worst. They’re surprised to see the house still standing most days. More often than not they walk into pure chaos, like this parent who found a toddler drinking and driving and passed out on the scene.
This kid definitely avoided all the ride stops on his way home and now he’s paying the price. He’s so sloshed off milk that he can’t even see straight. How many fingers am I holding up? This bad kid can’t even count to two.
This Kid Didn’t Want A Fair Fight
When your kid challenges you to a game or a dual, you walk into the arrangement knowing you’re going to fail. Sure you can smoke his chubby little baby legs in a 20-yard dash, but you’re going to choose to lose to build confidence or whatever. The key word here is ‘choose’ folks.
This toddler took that choice away from this dad when he challenged him to a sword fight and chose the weapons. Guess which one the dad got? This kid was clearly tired of the dad thinking he could beat him and decided to stack the odds.
Toddlers Just Do Not Care How They Look
When you’re a kid there are two things you care about – food and naps. You’re basically a dog in that respect. The greatest thing babies and dogs have in common is that they both don’t care about how silly they look.
This kid looks like the uncle who shows up at the family function in a white t-shirt with stains all over it barely coherent and insisting to man the grill. He always forgets about the grill though, doesn’t he? This kid looks like he wandered off to discuss Blues Clues instead of making sure the burgers don’t burn.
Don’t Bite The Hand That You Birthed
Hide and seek can go really wrong when there’s a toddler involved. Their tiny bodies make them experts at the game, but they also give them an unfair advantage in the scare department. This toddler shows that sometimes you may not like what you find…
This photo is right up there with the glass-breather as the most ominous on this list. This disembodied hand looks like it’s reaching towards you through the screen. Just remember, it’s attached to an adorable toddler. Actually, is that less scary than a closet monster?
Toys Make Perfect Prison Shanks Apparently
We should be fostering and encouraging our children’s creativity. What better way to do this than buying them toys that they can combine to create anything their little hearts desire? Just maybe don’t buy the Fisher Price child’s prison set.
This parent learned the hard way that kids are going to create whatever their little hearts desire. Just a shame, in this case, it’s a thumbtack pushed into a plastic screw. That might be a little too creative…