If you’re a parent who spends all of their time trying to control their kids, you probably don’t have time to actually leave the house. That means you’re probably kind of addicted to online shopping. In fact, you’re probably waiting on a package right now as you read this. If you have Prime, you won’t have to wait long, but you still might encounter some weirdness at your door.
Whether it’s the customer or the delivery person, we should all expect the unexpected because of these situations. People out here are being told to shout “ding dong” instead of ringing the bell and their fragile packages look like they’ve been K.O.’ed. These just prove delivery is the best but seriously also the worst.
Leave The House Or Get A Package?
Listen, we’re all pretty much at the point where we don’t have to leave the house to get anything and everything we want. Groceries, furniture, food, essentials — Amazon has our backs with everything. But we do need to be able to open the door…
Either this person hasn’t been home in two months or these delivery guys decided that they were going to stay home for two months. This is one of those cases you just hope they have some kind of a window.
Burnt Just Like The Pizza
We all love a comedian don’t we? Especially when it’s 12 am, you’re working the pizza place closing shift, and a cheeky customer wants a little funny on the inside of their box to show their Facebook friends. This guy posts that he “told Domino’s to put a joke on the box..”
Sir, you got exactly what you asked for. The last thing anyone wants to do is be your personal Netflix standup comedian when you might not even tip. Bon appetit.
The Delivery Guy Who Said “Nahhhh” To This Halloween Decoration
We’ve all been too scared to go somewhere at some point. Usually, it happened when you were five and it involved the house down the street with the spooky tree. It’s pretty rare that an adult has a major “no, no thanks” moment in broad daylight.
A Reddit user posts that “I had to go out to this delivery guy’s van to get our package because he was scared of a 4 foot tall inflatable Jack Skellington.” Dude, Jack Skellington isn’t real and he can’t hurt you.
It’s Here. What More Do You Want?
We’ve all done something with the bare minimum of effort involved. That major sloth energy usually hits on the last page of an essay, around 4 o clock on a workday, and anytime we hear the words “can I speak with a manager.” This relatable delivery man called a wrap on his day and it’s a mood.
A receptionist has it, what more do you want? How’d they get it? It’s a mistry and it doesn’t matter. This delivery man cleaned his hands of the issue and went on to do more mistrious things.
Did It Need To Go Under The Mat?
When you’re a delivery person you’re told to try and put things under the mat so they don’t blow away. There are obvious exceptions to this rule. One big one is that it doesn’t need to go under the mat if it’s not going anywhere. This delivery person clearly didn’t buy that logic.
They looked at the size of the package and thought “Yeah but…” and played it safe. That, or their boss was a real stickler for the mat rule. Either way, we’re concerned the mat will blow away now.
Burrito But Hold The Burrito
Look, delivery people aren’t responsible for making sure your order is right. They’re supposed to grab the right item, but it’s not up to them what the quality of the item is like. So if your UberEats burrito comes sans the burrito, don’t give a one-star rating.
There’s something missing but we can’t put our finger on it. Maybe it’s the lighting, but we think that this burrito bowl looks very low calorie. Must be that new flavored air diet everyone’s trying.
Blame Game That Backfired
The customer really isn’t always right and we have the photo to prove it. Before you go and complain about your delivery person, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself if you did anything wrong. I know it’s hard but we have to or else FedEx becomes more powerful with every unjustified negative review.
This lady posts this photo on Reddit with the caption “You had one job..” Yeah, they did have one job — delivering and not packaging your box. Surprise…
Hahahahaha… Don’t Do This
A great time to practice jokes is probably by yourself or with close friends and family. The people trying to get an item to you don’t really have time to field your jokes. Even though they might be funny like this guy’s.
If reading this gave you a headache imagine how the person processing and delivering the order felt. Whoever is writing this is putting a lot of energy into interesting aspects of their life and we’re not sure if we love it or we’re concerned. Frank, how are things over there?
Handle Me With The Level Of Care This Single Box Of Staples Got
Bet you didn’t expect to say “I wish that were me” on a photo of a delivery, but here it is in all its glory. It’s hard seeing other people living your dreams, especially if they’re a box of staples being treated with more care than we’ve ever received.
If that’s not a photo of true peace we’re not sure what is. This delivery person took the time and effort to make sure this box of staples felt appreciated and supported on its journey. Don’t cry, there are no tissues in there.
We Love A Compromise
Part of being a delivery person is being on the receiving end of a lot of strange door notes. Whether we understand them or not, they usually appear and indicate someone who’s got the territorial instincts of wolf. This sign was either put up by a micromanager or a comedian, and the real funny part is we have no idea which one it was.
It would be hilarious if someone actually yelled this. Why knock when you can scare the whole neighborhood with your a cappella doorbell.
Freedom Ain’t Free Free
It goes without saying that even though delivery is super convenient and most of us do it from bed for things we can go get ourselves, some people actually need other people to bring them stuff. No, those flaming hot Cheetos you Post-Mated while drunk don’t count as a need.
This Reddit user posted that she paid the Home Depot guys to “remove her fridge” when they brought her a new one, and yeah, they removed it above 5 feet from the house. They then delegated to the next person drawn to the “free free” sign.
The Pizza Delivery Person Speaks
Tumblr user Tybaat decided to enlighten us with what a pizza delivery person actually experiences on a day-to-day basis by sharing their version of the weirdest encounters. Honestly, all we have to say is that some of these people need divine intervention because what is actually going on here?
They write that they’ve answered the door to “at least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice.” We bet the Dark Knight loves a good pepperoni slice.
Is This Person Okay?
Hold on to your seat because this one is rough as all get out. Whoever typed this one out needs to do a little soul searching and ask themselves how everything is going in their lives. Reddit user T1NF01L posts that these were some “delivery instructions at the Dominos I work at today.”
There are two main ways to interpret this one. The first one is medically alarming and the second one is destructive to their house. Both are concerning and we’re stressed for this delivery guy.
The Very Best Delivery Person, Like No One Ever Was
Tybaar is truly out here speaking every delivery person’s truth with their wild stories. They had a very classic Millenial battle with a bunch of other Millenials recently when they write that they answered the door to “a group of 20-something guys challenged me to sing the original Pokémon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add.”
A rendition of the Pokémon theme song is how Millenials size each other up. One note sung incorrectly can be the difference between being invited to the next Pokémon Go meet or not.
This Forbidden Love
We love a good Romeo and Juliet forbidden romance. Except this isn’t medieval Italy and these two star-crossed lovers need to get people’s packages delivered on time. True love means nothing if overnight delivery isn’t met and we have to send an angry email.
This was a turf war, a fated meeting, or the moment that the rumor that USPS and UPS are actually owned by the same company was started. Either way, we’re keeping our mouths zipped while watching these worlds collide.
For Everyone Done With The “Sorry We Missed You” Notes And Fees
Look, there’s been a rumor circulating forever that the delivery people don’t actually knock before leaving you that dreaded notice to come pick up your package elsewhere. Whether that’s true nationally or not, this house took a pretty hilarious stand against the delivery person that ghosted them.
Redditor MarconX posted that their “housemate put this sign on our door after Amazon repeatedly posted “sorry we missed you” cards whilst we were home.”
Pizza’s Here! Police Are Also Here!
Tybaar had another legendary delivery when they thought it would be just another day at the car-office. Instead of the normal completely fine routine of showing up to a house where an inebriated teenager answered the door like normal, they had a run-in with the law.
They write that “an on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza.” Officer, we thought you did this kind of stuff for donuts.
If You Throw The Book At Someone You Can Still Get Your Pizza Apparently
Tybaar has literally lived the old saying “don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” Seriously, people shouldn’t yell at the pizza person, especially since they’re holding all that is good and sacred in the world.
Tybaar writes that while they were delivering, “a man with a thick Alabama accent admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was “obstructing the mail system” and demanded my social security number so he could “report me to the proper authorities.” Right, okay.
They’re Super Not Okay With Thanksgiving And Are Taking Their Revenge
Reddit user oldfashioned lived probably our worst nightmare when they were out delivering a package in the Boonies. Seriously, where else would there be organized turkeys probably ready to eat you for Thanksgiving?
They write that they were “delivering a package down a long rural driveway on a route I wasn’t familiar with for the USPS. As I’m walking from the vehicle roughly 8 turkeys came out from behind a large shed and started to surround me. I felt like Chris Pratt in Jurassic World as I slowly backed towards my vehicle.” Run, oh my god, just run.
The Bird Is The Word Apparently
If you enjoyed that manacing turkey content, well then Reddit user and delivery person Scumbag_Lemon will hook you up again. Except for this time the bird was more pet than poultry. But still all chicken.
“Delivering a pizza one night. I got up to the door and rang it, as I’m waiting I keep hearing this repeated short sound. I kept looking up and couldn’t see anything. As the customer opened the door I looked down at my feet. There was a chicken that snuck up on me.”