If you ever wondered if kids are literally programmed to wreck everything, just know that you're not alone. These parents are dealing with their own child tornadoes. We're not throwing shade but these kids are definitely chaotic evil on the personality test alignment and we can back it up with facts.
For some of these kids we're completely at a loss what to say. What can you actually do when your child puts a Barbie head in an orange pill bottle? Do you laugh, cry, or finally build that dad cave? There's no good answer in this upside-down world.
It's Brown Makeup, Thank God It's Brown Makeup
Hope you're sitting down because you're going to have a literal heart attack looking at this photo. Just repeat to yourself that it's just a brown contour makeup stick. It's the mantra that will get you over the shock.
This Kid's Hero Is Leather Face
This kid graduated from cutting Barbie's hair to cutting up Barbie. There should be a support group for Barbies at this point. On another note, did you know humor is a common response to fear?
She Ate The Food And The Wrapper And It Made Me Dead Inside
According to this kid, the best part of any breakfast is the wrapper that it comes in. If you're tired of your typical simple carbohydrates, introduce a complex one into the mix. A paper wrapper.
This Coast Guard Really Got The "Kids Are Insane" Message Drilled Into His Head
Honestly, we're not sure about what this coast guard was expecting. You hand a group of kids a powerful hose and just hope none of them have the chaos gene inside of them? Hah, bon voyage noob.
Darling Joshua, Why Would You Do That To Your Mom's Debit Card?
This kid had the choice between a CD and a debit card and thought, "hmm, I bet a money card would sound like gold." He thought he was right, but darling Joshua, we wish you knew how wrong you were.
If This Kid Becomes A Mailman Then We're All Through
Reddit user B-and-B-Productions writes that their "brother cut open a package today." He also cut through it. If you ever get a package in the next 15 years that looks like this, it's safe to say that this wild child became a disgruntled mailman.
She Just Got Her Doctorate In Destructive Child Psychology
To kids with the destructive gene, paper is the promise land that they can rip, scribble, and tear however they choose. But parents with important documents like school theses should invest in a file folder. Seriously.
This Kid Cried Because His Foot Didn't Fit Where Feet Shouldn't Be
This child asked the age-old question "will it sock?" When the answer was no, he flipped out. This is a valuable lesson that all kids need to learn — don't stick any part of you in something just because you think it will fit. Ahem.
This Tech Savvy Psycho Kid Doesn't Care About Sibling's Well Being
Next time you facetime children, make sure to specify when you want to say hi to one of them so the other doesn't grab their head and force them into the frame. You may not think it, but this is a clarification that kids need.
This Cupboard Is Broken But At Least The Childproof Lock Lived Up To Its Name
When you pay top dollar for the industrial childproof lock to keep those rascals out, it's supposed to keep cupboard doors shut. Too bad the actual snack cupboard door can't stand up to a hungry five-year-old.
This Mad Scientist In The Making
If your kid is acting like the mad scientist with mason jars of eyeballs stashed in their basement you might want to broach the subject. Maybe this kid is just a pickling fan.
Not Garbage, Just A Chaotic Kid's Sleep Mask
A fun game to play with yourself is to ask the question, "is it garbage or is it a sleep mask to a chaotic kid?" This kid who saw a water bottle wrapper will always say it's a self-care item.
It's Not Like We Wanted Those Plants Anyway
What's a $70 plant you've spent two years growing worth anyway? Plants are free, just grow another one. By reading that you just entered the mind of this hole-punch happy three-year-old.
Spaghetti Destroyed Kid, Or Kid Destroyed Spaghetti? Vote Now
We all have our battles. Some people have high blood pressure while others have to fight rampant spaghetti every day. This child knows the struggle of that fight all too well.
This Kid Set His Rocks To "Chill" But I'm Not Chill Looking At This
You know what goes in the fridge? Food and drinks. The wildest thing in there should be some baking soda and that's it. Not rocks. Someone tell this child that his rocks don't "need to set."
This Photo Cements This Kid As A True Maniac
Curiosity in children is a good thing. But when they ignore all potential and very loud warning signs to fulfill that curiosity, that's where we draw the line. We're drawing it in the ruined cement too.
Trashing The Grocery Store Because Why Not
Parents always complain about how awful it can be taking their children to the grocery store. We all know too because we're there listening to their tantrums while we're trying to buy hummus.
Born to Scam Baby
This kid wanted to buy something online that needed a credit card, so instead of asking his parents, he decided to just pretend it was grandma who needed the card. Well haha, they weren't fooled because grandma would never stoop to using Amex kid.
This Kid May Not Know The Presidents, But That Hasn't Stopped Them Before
Kids apparently destroy history when they're not busy coming in like a tornado through the rest of our stuff. Rewriting history is small potatoes for kids doing battle with rabid spaghetti on white carpets every day.
This Kid Swapped The Two And Now There's A Freezer Full Of Broken Glass
So this was unintentional destruction but it's an important life lesson. This little partier just learned about the different freezing points of liquids and fluid mechanics. This college-level science lesson only cost their parents a new fridge!
Kinder Eggs Don't Stand A Chance Against Pure Chaos
You ever met a psychopath? Well, here's the trail of one. This kid decided to ruin a perfectly good Kinder egg for no good reason. They didn't even eat the chocolate or grab the toy. This is just senseless.
The "If I Fits I Sits" Cat Slogan Apparently Applies To Kids Too
Sometimes bad stuff happens and you just have to grin and bear it. If you get yourself into a tight situation like this wild child, just throw up a peace sign to let the homies know you're fine and dandy and have this whole thing under control.
She Just Wanted A Little Excitement That A House Fire Brings
This three-year-old was just thirsting for a little adventure when she stuffed tissue paper into a power bar outlet. Thankfully, it wasn't plugged in because this would've been an adventure for sure.
The Destructive Taste Tester
Reddit user babbrun writes that their kid told them one day, "no, Mom I didn't try it and hate it and then throw it out the car window a week ago!" Well, the proof is in the pop tart on the sedan Charlie, so we'll see.
This Self-Destructive Spelling Whiz
This kid is destructive, but it's all directed inwards. They dissociated so hard one day at school that they got perfect on a spelling test but ended up forgetting how to spell their own name. Kid, are you okay?
This Kid Finessed His Takeaway
Waste not, want not. This kid knows that mantra like the back of his hand and isn't afraid to use it and ask for a doggie bag at restaurants. He just saved his family $2 on their cutlery and plate budget.
Yeah For Sure Dude, Take Your Destructive Kid To An Art Museum. See What Happens.
So when you're planning a fun family outing with a kid with crazy eyes that stare off into the middle distance when you mention markers, maybe don't take them to an art museum. That's a big no and should be page one of the parenting handbook.
This Considerate Kid Whose Bowel Movements Were All Taken Care Of
We all appreciate a good heads up. We usually like them best at baseball games or backing out of a parking space. Now, if a kid has already dropped brown in their room then a friendly heads up is the last thing a parent wants.
White Dogs Are The Perfect Canvas
The next level for kids on the warpath goes higher than painting in Sharpie on the wall — it's giving the dog a fresh new cut and color. Hopefully, this parent is a Dodger's fan because wow.
Don't Let Your Past Self Upstage Your Future Self
This is a chaotic kid all grown up and reflecting back on their wild-child self. This is growth people. It's the ability to recognize yourself and change for the better. But hey... who's the guy in the picture?