Parents Who Are Using Humor To Survive Quarantine With Their Kids

As a parent, you love your kid—they are the light of your life and you can’t imagine your life without them. However, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so having the kids nearby 24/7 has been a trying time for parents everywhere, to say the least.

These parents, however, know how to make lemons out of lemonade and have made jokes about the situation to make us all smile.

He Really Thinks This Is The 19th Sequel

My son just asked me if I when I was little I had to stay inside for COVIDs 1 through 18
Photo Credit: Twitter / @KerryHowley
Photo Credit: Twitter / @KerryHowley

If I haven’t watched the first 18 segments about COVID, will I understand the plot of COVID-19? All jokes aside, at least the kids can one day brag that they lived through a novel part of history!

They Never Make Sense

You know, I can handle a quarantine. I can handle rationing food. I can even handle having to relearn elementary math. But did this really have to be the week that my 4 year old learned to tell knock knock jokes?
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarabellab123
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarabellab123

I have never had a child under the age of 8 put together a cohesive, genuinely funny knock-knock joke. They always just blurt random words and you have to pretend to enjoy it.

We Are Officially In Pajama-Only Time

When it's bedtime and you go to put your kid in pyjamas but realise you never got them dressed in the first place
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MumInBits
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MumInBits

I commend any parent out there who, by this time in quarantine, is still waking up every day and dressing the kids. It’s eternally pajama time—you bathe them and then put on new pajamas.

His Parents Were Fuming In The ER

photo one: kid makes ramp. Photo two: kid with cast captioned
Photo Credit: Reddit / First_beneath_Equals
Photo Credit: Reddit / First_beneath_Equals

During these challenging times, the last place you want to go is the hospital, especially if you can avoid it. Unfortunately, these parents had to make a trip to the ER after their son decided to be a daredevil.

I Mean, Was He Wrong?

4-year-old: Dad? 
Me: Yeah?

4: I bet you taste like macaroni.

So we're to that part of the quarantine.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @XplodingUnicorn
Photo Credit: Twitter / @XplodingUnicorn

You always think that your family will be the ones to stay by your side when times get tough, but this kid is only a few weeks in and preparing to resort to cannibalism if necessary.

Is It Wrong To Muzzle Children?

we've been in quarantine for 18 days and my 9-year-old has been talking nonstop for 20 of them
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mommajessiec
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mommajessiec

My grandmother, when she had wanted my mom and her brothers to stay quiet, would just slip Benadryl into their juice so they’d sleep. I know that times have changed and you probably shouldn’t do it, but just once couldn’t hurt…

Well, Those Kids Have No Future In Electronics

chord on computer is plugged back into the computer rather than the monitor
Photo Credit: Reddit / Annoying_chicken_69
Photo Credit: Reddit / Annoying_chicken_69

Parents, picture this: you’re working extra hours trying to keep up with your company’s demands while working from home. You’re in the middle of a project when the kids come asking for help with the computer. This is what is wrong.

“Be Quiet” Toast Is Key

What I'm doing can’t be called homeschooling. I’m fumbling with websites and school emails while my six-year-old runs half-dressed through the house eating his fourth piece of
Photo Credit: Twitter / @HonestToddler
Photo Credit: Twitter / @HonestToddler

When in doubt (or stressed, overwhelmed, and confused), just keep feeding your child a snack that will distract them just long enough for you to figure out a temporary solution.

Beware Of The Mold

I don't know who needs to hear this but unpack your kid’s backpacks and lunch boxes now or risk a nasty surprise when schools start to open back up again.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JustMeTurtle
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JustMeTurtle

When I was a kid, I let a sandwich rot in my bag for a full two weeks before taking it out, and I was still using my bag every day. With no school, the mold could be catastrophic.

…And This Was Only Day Two

Day 2 working from home with this little terror (kids smearing toothpaste on couch)
Photo Credit: Reddit / psgenius
Photo Credit: Reddit / psgenius

My heart goes out to the parents who have been suffering in quarantine with their darling angels who are actually little demons from the get-go. At least mine waited a week before ruining my life.

And Thus, We Are Resigned

While playing outside our toddler peed on the side of our minivan, and honestly it's fine cause it’s not like we use it for anything else these days.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dad_on_my_feet
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dad_on_my_feet

Remember those early days of social distancing when you thought having the kids at home would be a great way to learn and bond together? That’s entirely out the window.

Second Degree Murder In Defense Against Chocolate Theft

My daughter just maintained eye contact while stuffing her face with the last of my chocolate stash and my husband said
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mom_ontherocks
Photo Credit: Twitter / @mom_ontherocks

Kids will see chocolate and immediately assume it is for them, as if the grown-up humans twice their size don’t also crave Mini Eggs all the time. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!

Good Thing We Can’t Go To The Grocery Store Often

empty container with muffins on ground, each with a single bite taken from it
Photo Credit: Reddit / J96x_Rob_LFC
Photo Credit: Reddit / J96x_Rob_LFC

This mom left the groceries sitting in the kitchen for only five minutes before returning to put them away, only to realize her 3-year-old daughter had helped herself to a bite of every muffin.

Two For The Price Of One!

My preteen saw a bird fly past the window, muttered
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PetrickSara
Photo Credit: Twitter / @PetrickSara

Why have a kid and get a cat as a pet when, in a state of extreme boredom due to being locked inside, your child can serve the purpose of both?

I Bet They’re Still Doing The Puzzle

Our 4yo is insisting I help him build a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle before breakfast, so yes, we are definitely going to starve to death.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dad_on_my_feet
Photo Credit: Twitter / @dad_on_my_feet

Kids may be good at a lot of things, but puzzles are not one of them. My thoughts and prayers go out to this family who probably haven’t eaten in a week.

Left Them Alone For 10 Minutes

Been home for 3 weeks. Leave for 10 minutes and kids shoot two BB's through the window
Photo Credit: Reddit / Sandeerrss
Photo Credit: Reddit / Sandeerrss

The worst part about this is that the companies that fix glass windows are probably all closed off right now, so you just have to deal with a gaping hole in your house.

Getting Back To The Old-Fashioned Ways!

8yo: Can we order pizza? 
Me: Not tonight, son. Your dad went out hunting for groceries this morning and we're going to microwave burritos just like the pioneers did.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LurkAtHomeMom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LurkAtHomeMom

Back when I was a kid, we had to borrow movies from our local Blockbuster and eat Digiorno’s pizza. You’re lucky to have these microwaveable burritos and a Netflix account!

The Gift Of Teaching The Next Generation

So far during quarantine homeschool all I've taught my kids is about 37 new swear words
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LuvPug
Photo Credit: Twitter / @LuvPug

There’s so much knowledge you can impart to your children. Why stop at just 37 swear words? Get creative and make up some new ones of your own so you can get many calls from their principal next year.

The Laws Of Health Have Gone Out The Window

Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy.  
Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Divergentmama
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Divergentmama

Did I cook roasted vegetables, some rice, and lean cuts of chicken for the whole family to eat last night? Yes. Did I also eat a pint of ice cream alone after the kids went to bed? Yes. It’s called balance.

Well, Guess We’re Installing A Bidet

rolls of toilet paper soaked in bathtub
Photo Credit: Reddit / dmclb
Photo Credit: Reddit / dmclb

A crisis really helps you understand what is important in life and what we really need, such as toilet paper. If your child throws all your toilet paper rolls in the bath, do you really need the child?

This Is The Most Space You’ll Ever Get

Don't underestimate a child's ability to grasp what's happening right now. I've discussed the pandemic and social distancing with my 4-year-old and she's decided to speak 3 inches from my face instead of the normal 1 inch.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @TheCatWhisperer
Photo Credit: Twitter / @TheCatWhisperer

The human body and the systems that make it up are incredible. For example, small children apparently don’t develop the part of their brain that lets them understand personal space for years!

Normality Is A Myth

Me: Get dressed. 
7-year-old: Why?

Me: We need to make things seem normal.

7: When were things ever normal?

I guess it's pajama day.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @XplodingUnicorn
Photo Credit: Twitter / @XplodingUnicorn

We are undoubtedly living in abnormal times, so instead of trying to keep everything the same, you might as well lean into the chaos. Pizza for breakfast! Pajamas 24/7! There are no rules.

What Is Your Daughter Playing? Mafia?

My daughter just asked me where we keep our crow bar and I'm pretty sure that’s my cue to end the unsupervised play portion of our day.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarabellab123
Photo Credit: Twitter / @sarabellab123

Most kids have a pretty vivid imagination, so giving them some free playtime is a great way to encourage their creativity. That is, until you realize they are play-jacking cars or something equally sinister.

Kids Will Destroy Us

small child with mouth on shopping cart handle
Photo Credit: Reddit / TRiskProduction
Photo Credit: Reddit / TRiskProduction

Most people have been going above and beyond to prevent the spread of germs by wearing masks, practicing social distancing, and disinfecting surfaces, and this baby is undoing it all by putting their mouth on everything.

Let’s Hope She Survives The Responsibility

Please send your thoughts & prayers to my 16 yo I asked her to do something
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bossy_bootz
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bossy_bootz

To be fair, if I was 16 years old (peak rebellious and “ugh my parents don’t get me!” years), I would be in a non-stop bad mood while stuck at home and away from my friends. Good luck to parents with teenagers.

Can’t Wait For My Night Off!

Me: what's the first thing you want to do after the quarantine? 
Wife: get a babysitter.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @daddydoubts
Photo Credit: Twitter / @daddydoubts

I love my kids from the bottom of my heart. I really do. However, the second the social distancing rules are lifted, I am leaving them with an absolute stranger and sprinting towards freedom.

Learn To Be Self-Sufficient

My kids have been so needy during quarantine lately. Always wanting me to color with them and give them things like food and water.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @stayathomies
Photo Credit: Twitter / @stayathomies

If that one kid from The Jungle Book could be raised by some wolves, a bear, and a panther and still turn out fine, I’m sure my children can learn how to use a faucet.

Hiding Is Not His Strong Suit

boy stands behind skinny tree in game of hide n seek
Photo Credit: Reddit / JeffZorzz
Photo Credit: Reddit / JeffZorzz

One of the worst parts about playing games with kids is how bad they are at them. You tell them to hide while you count down from 10 and they do this.

What Is “Quarantine Chicken Surprise”?

13: My English teacher wants us to write in a journal every day 
Me: What have you written so far?

13:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @VerbsRProudest
Photo Credit: Twitter / @VerbsRProudest

Forget the fact that this kid has no inclination to do write a journal entry (what are they going to say? “Day 21, still inside”?)—what is quarantine chicken surprise, and why does it sound so ominous?

Back To The Good Old Days

So we don't go to restaurants, kids aren’t signed up for anything, and we are just staying home during spring break? Sounds like my childhood.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland
Photo Credit: Twitter / @simoncholland

Kids might be complaining now, but my dad used to buy my brother and me math learning books for the grade above to complete during spring and summer break. Y’all have it easy.