As a parent, you love your kid—they are the light of your life and you can’t imagine your life without them. However, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so having the kids nearby 24/7 has been a trying time for parents everywhere, to say the least.
These parents, however, know how to make lemons out of lemonade and have made jokes about the situation to make us all smile.
He Really Thinks This Is The 19th Sequel
If I haven’t watched the first 18 segments about COVID, will I understand the plot of COVID-19? All jokes aside, at least the kids can one day brag that they lived through a novel part of history!
They Never Make Sense
I have never had a child under the age of 8 put together a cohesive, genuinely funny knock-knock joke. They always just blurt random words and you have to pretend to enjoy it.
We Are Officially In Pajama-Only Time
I commend any parent out there who, by this time in quarantine, is still waking up every day and dressing the kids. It’s eternally pajama time—you bathe them and then put on new pajamas.
His Parents Were Fuming In The ER
During these challenging times, the last place you want to go is the hospital, especially if you can avoid it. Unfortunately, these parents had to make a trip to the ER after their son decided to be a daredevil.
I Mean, Was He Wrong?
You always think that your family will be the ones to stay by your side when times get tough, but this kid is only a few weeks in and preparing to resort to cannibalism if necessary.
Is It Wrong To Muzzle Children?
My grandmother, when she had wanted my mom and her brothers to stay quiet, would just slip Benadryl into their juice so they’d sleep. I know that times have changed and you probably shouldn’t do it, but just once couldn’t hurt…
Well, Those Kids Have No Future In Electronics
Parents, picture this: you’re working extra hours trying to keep up with your company’s demands while working from home. You’re in the middle of a project when the kids come asking for help with the computer. This is what is wrong.
“Be Quiet” Toast Is Key
When in doubt (or stressed, overwhelmed, and confused), just keep feeding your child a snack that will distract them just long enough for you to figure out a temporary solution.
Beware Of The Mold
When I was a kid, I let a sandwich rot in my bag for a full two weeks before taking it out, and I was still using my bag every day. With no school, the mold could be catastrophic.
…And This Was Only Day Two
My heart goes out to the parents who have been suffering in quarantine with their darling angels who are actually little demons from the get-go. At least mine waited a week before ruining my life.
And Thus, We Are Resigned
Remember those early days of social distancing when you thought having the kids at home would be a great way to learn and bond together? That’s entirely out the window.
Second Degree Murder In Defense Against Chocolate Theft
Kids will see chocolate and immediately assume it is for them, as if the grown-up humans twice their size don’t also crave Mini Eggs all the time. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!
Good Thing We Can’t Go To The Grocery Store Often
This mom left the groceries sitting in the kitchen for only five minutes before returning to put them away, only to realize her 3-year-old daughter had helped herself to a bite of every muffin.
Two For The Price Of One!
Why have a kid and get a cat as a pet when, in a state of extreme boredom due to being locked inside, your child can serve the purpose of both?
I Bet They’re Still Doing The Puzzle
Kids may be good at a lot of things, but puzzles are not one of them. My thoughts and prayers go out to this family who probably haven’t eaten in a week.
Left Them Alone For 10 Minutes
The worst part about this is that the companies that fix glass windows are probably all closed off right now, so you just have to deal with a gaping hole in your house.
Getting Back To The Old-Fashioned Ways!
Back when I was a kid, we had to borrow movies from our local Blockbuster and eat Digiorno’s pizza. You’re lucky to have these microwaveable burritos and a Netflix account!
The Gift Of Teaching The Next Generation
There’s so much knowledge you can impart to your children. Why stop at just 37 swear words? Get creative and make up some new ones of your own so you can get many calls from their principal next year.
The Laws Of Health Have Gone Out The Window
Did I cook roasted vegetables, some rice, and lean cuts of chicken for the whole family to eat last night? Yes. Did I also eat a pint of ice cream alone after the kids went to bed? Yes. It’s called balance.
Well, Guess We’re Installing A Bidet
A crisis really helps you understand what is important in life and what we really need, such as toilet paper. If your child throws all your toilet paper rolls in the bath, do you really need the child?
This Is The Most Space You’ll Ever Get
The human body and the systems that make it up are incredible. For example, small children apparently don’t develop the part of their brain that lets them understand personal space for years!
Normality Is A Myth
We are undoubtedly living in abnormal times, so instead of trying to keep everything the same, you might as well lean into the chaos. Pizza for breakfast! Pajamas 24/7! There are no rules.
What Is Your Daughter Playing? Mafia?
Most kids have a pretty vivid imagination, so giving them some free playtime is a great way to encourage their creativity. That is, until you realize they are play-jacking cars or something equally sinister.
Kids Will Destroy Us
Most people have been going above and beyond to prevent the spread of germs by wearing masks, practicing social distancing, and disinfecting surfaces, and this baby is undoing it all by putting their mouth on everything.
Let’s Hope She Survives The Responsibility
To be fair, if I was 16 years old (peak rebellious and “ugh my parents don’t get me!” years), I would be in a non-stop bad mood while stuck at home and away from my friends. Good luck to parents with teenagers.
Can’t Wait For My Night Off!
I love my kids from the bottom of my heart. I really do. However, the second the social distancing rules are lifted, I am leaving them with an absolute stranger and sprinting towards freedom.
Learn To Be Self-Sufficient
If that one kid from The Jungle Book could be raised by some wolves, a bear, and a panther and still turn out fine, I’m sure my children can learn how to use a faucet.
Hiding Is Not His Strong Suit
One of the worst parts about playing games with kids is how bad they are at them. You tell them to hide while you count down from 10 and they do this.
What Is “Quarantine Chicken Surprise”?
Forget the fact that this kid has no inclination to do write a journal entry (what are they going to say? “Day 21, still inside”?)—what is quarantine chicken surprise, and why does it sound so ominous?
Back To The Good Old Days
Kids might be complaining now, but my dad used to buy my brother and me math learning books for the grade above to complete during spring and summer break. Y’all have it easy.