Brutally Honest Husbands Who Will Be Apologizing Later
Husbands, like it or not, are the funniest in the family (depending on who you ask). Their dad jokes are superb, but sometimes they can get a little too honest. And that honesty is funny, no matter how brutal it is.
Take a gander at some of the bravest husbands to ever tweet.
It Is Tough To Speak With Gummy Bears In Your Mouth
This man has a point. Even if you only have three gummy bears in your mouth, it's still going to be tough to speak.
I hope she didn't get too mad at him.
He's Not Sharing
He isn't going to share his crackers, no matter how nicely his wife asks.
After you make the perfect serving size for yourself, everyone else can forget about getting any.
There's Nothing Else?
Sure, this might have some truth to it, but I'm sure his wife won't appreciate him omitting all the love.
What about the passionate conversations and deciding which TV show to binge?
This Pun Is Golden
You don't get very many puns this good, now do you? I wonder how long it took him to come up with this clever one.
Anything Star Wars is always worthy.
You're Not Already Thinking Of Her?
If every man was honest, they probably wouldn't be in a marriage.
If he had told her that he had zombies on his mind and not her, who knows how she would have reacted?
He's Got A Point
I wonder if he's ever told his wife this.
He might have a very fair point, but this isn't anything a wife wants to hear from their husband, especially from Twitter.
Does She Know About This, Mr.?
Having someone to tell you if something is good or not does sound like a good perk.
It sounds like a horrible responsibility for the other person, but it still sounds nice for you, I guess.
Sleeping At 9 Is The New Wave
Sleeping at 9 is fun when you're an adult and you've had a long day.
Still, I don't think wives want people to know how boring of a life she leads.
Tough Break For Her...
Whenever you don't share with your wife and then publicize that you didn't, she will remember it.
He might've had to sleep on the couch that night or even worse.
The Blatant Disrespect
He eats like a king (a platter) and she gets "something of lesser value."
Hopefully, she doesn't follow him on Twitter and get wind of this blatant disrespect because that wouldn't be fun.
"Do You Have To Do That Right Now?"
This extends beyond marriage and can go to the boyfriend and girlfriend level.
Having to ask that question is the ultimate sign of annoyance and is a bit disrespectful to certain people.
Now, He Can't Ever Complain
If this man dares to complain again in the future, he can forget about it.
He outed himself with this tweet, and I'm sure his wife caught wind of it.
What Kind Of Sick Game...?
What kind of sick guessing game is this? I'm sure if she had wagered a million dollars, he still wouldn't have chosen the correct person.
Tell me you can understand his anger.
*Proceeds To Get Thrown Out The Car*
Here is a great example of a husband that keeps it real but plays close to the edge.
You don't offer to drive during a road trip if you aren't serious.
HE HAS PICTURES
His wife had no clue this man was about to ruin her whole plan with this picture.
How vile of a person do you have to be not to clean the jelly off the knife?
There's A 10-Year Warranty On That
That's right, some women don't have an expiration date on the things they resurface from the past.
You can be in the hospital and she'll tell you how you forgot to take the trash out last month.
Aw, Such A Sweet Guy
That's the only reason he tells his wife he loves her?
Not due to the fact that he really loves her and wishes nothing but the best for his lovely wife?
Well, Who's Cat Is It??
How convenient of her to call it your cat, right? This is one of those things you can't even complain about because that's how marriage works.
The husband has to take the heat most of the time.
She Has To Prove A Point
She wants to prove a point to you, but she doesn't need you explaining to all your followers how cynical she is.
I do wonder how many times he woke her up, though.
He Is Now A Pharaoh
Do you see what happens when you play around with the wife?
This man should have accomplished his task a long time ago, but now he is a pharaoh like Ramesses.
He May Never Get Lucky Again
Taunting your wife is the last thing you want to do when it comes to "getting lucky."
Now, she knows how much you want it and will make a fool out of you.
Nice Try, Pal
I'm not sure that's going to cut it here, pal. She's going to be irate with you after you finish saying your last word.
She only asked you to do some simple tasks.
He Probably Isn't Lying
Have you ever had to fight over the blanket at night? It isn't a fun thing to do, especially with someone you love.
I hope he isn't the one hogging the blanket and complaining about it.
He Saw His Life Flash Before His Eyes
The death glare from the wife isn't anything you want to see.
It can make you see your life flash before your eyes and have you reconsider your choices up until that point.
It Was In There
Whether he wants to believe it or not, wiping poop off of his wife's foot was part of their vows.
If she says it is, then it is. He should know better.
And It Will Remain That Way Now
Before getting married, men should deeply consider if this is what they want.
Things change big time and there's no room for complaining. You either play like a champ or regret everything.
Couldn't Help But Laugh At This
This man is still immature, and it shows.
That might be the thing that breaks this marriage apart, so I give him praise for tweeting about this with his future in danger.
Which Is The Best?
Drinking wine and talking politics sounds like a fine night.
Arguing over toilet paper brands is a lost cause because she uses that stuff way more than you do, buddy.
How Is He Still Alive?
What did this man do to deserve getting the door opened on him at 70 mph?
The sad part is that it might happen again after his wife finds out he told the whole world.
Where Is The Equality?
I'll spend $50 on a pool floatie that looks cool and has cup holders and she'll roll her eyes.
But apparently it's "no big deal" if she buys $200 shoes.
Between A Rock And A Hard Place
![wife: Why is your back all scratched up? [flashback to me chasing a raccoon after she told me to leave it alone]
me: I'm having an affair](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-18776.jpg?width=480 "raccoon")
What's worse: telling your wife that you betrayed your vows and had an affair, making it nearly impossible for her to trust you again?
Or letting her know you're an idiot who tried to domesticate a trash panda?
Was She Wrong Though?
You could go skydiving, have your parachute and the backup chute also fail, plummet thousands of feet to what you believe is certain death but miraculously survive...
And your wife would still say childbirth was worse.
Congrats On The New Penguin!
I don't know where or how you could possibly come into possession of a penguin.
But I definitely would do this if I could get my hands on one and I also would end up on the couch for a month.
This Is Kind Of Hilarious
When it comes to harmless pranks, this one is pretty hilarious.
Of course, I'm sure the wife is embarrassed and a bunch of concerned people come to see her, but otherwise it's great!
Fido Was Still Watching, SARAH
![wife: You forgot to turn the TV off last night
[flashback to me leaving it on so the dog could finish watching Air Bud]
me: No I didn't](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-1-90501.jpg?width=480 "airbud")
First of all, Airbud is an incredible film and it is borderline impossible to turn the television off when the movie is playing.
Second of all, the dog deserves T.V. time too!
Oh, But There Is...
There's also the wrong brand of milk to buy, the wrong percent of milk to buy, and a wrong way to open the milk.
And lastly, a wrong way to throw out the empty container.
There's Actually A Waitlist For It
![Wife: It's like every man on earth has to share one brain Me: [can't think of a good comeback because it's not my turn to use the brain]](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Untitled-design-81602.jpg?width=480 "brain")
Listen, there's only a limited number of brain cells available at all times and you have to apply in advance to rent a few.
It's so rare that our time aligns with when we want a comeback.
She Always Gets The Last Say
You want a dog? Well, sorry: you now have two kittens instead.
Your wife is the sheriff of the home and you are a mere citizen trying to simply abide by the laws.
Then Again, Sometimes Wives Do It Too
As much as men can be idiots and have snappy comebacks at our wives when they try to do something specific or get us to do something, they can bring the fire as well.
Don't forget that.
