Children’s Books That Will Make You Regret Teaching Your Kids To Read

When we think back on our childhood, most of us can remember a title or two of books that we loved reading or having read to us. It's these books and stories that we want to save and pass down to our own children because they meant so much to us.

Then there are some children's books in the world that will really make you second-guess whether or not you should teach your child to read at all.

What Would This Even Be About?

a book called
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MrCheddarCheebz
Photo Credit: Twitter / @MrCheddarCheebz

What could happen to a person that would make them think they should write a whole children's book about bums and why they need a new one? It seems like that's a private conversation you should have.

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Homemade Ones Still Count

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a kid asking their dad to pretend he is poop coming out
Photo Credit: Imgur / dQw4w9WgXcQ
Photo Credit: Imgur / dQw4w9WgXcQ
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This person was chronicling all of the weird things their child said to them and will turn them into a book, and honestly, that seems like the right thing to do.

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I Don't Know Where To Start With This One

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a guy farting on some blocks to break them
Photo Credit: Imgur / somniferous
Photo Credit: Imgur / somniferous
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So, I am confused. Was it his fart or was it his super sweet karate skills that broke those bricks? I'm not sure which would be more impressive, to be honest.

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A Hard Lesson But A True One

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a book with a worm in it saying they are going to eat the reader and all their friends
Photo Credit: Reddit / catfish420
Photo Credit: Reddit / catfish420
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Listen. Kids just got here, OK? We don't need to start telling them right away about the fact that we pretty much all end up in the same place when it's all said and done.

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A "Please" Would Have Been Nice

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a book demanding someone to touch a cow
Photo Credit: Twitter / @robbiereviews
Photo Credit: Twitter / @robbiereviews
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This is one of those fun books where it is tactile and you can learn cool things about the world by touching things. However, they did not need to be so forceful.

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Tell Me About It

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a book called
Photo Credit: Reddit / SweetPotatoLord
Photo Credit: Reddit / SweetPotatoLord
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The true moment you know your child has grown is when they start getting interested in things that are kind of illegal. Or they at least start asking those kinds of questions, anyway.

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Now You've Gone And Told The Truth

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a book called
Photo Credit: Reddit / empa111
Photo Credit: Reddit / empa111
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Telling your kids the truth about the world is important, and you never want to be the parent that lies to their kids, but there are some things that it's probably OK to sugarcoat.

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Bobby! Come On!

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur / FascistSlendermann
Photo Credit: Imgur / FascistSlendermann
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I'm not entirely sure what the point of this book would be other than to give you a tool to talk with your children about how they shouldn't drink as children.

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This Was Written By An Oldest Child

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a book called
Photo Credit: Reddit / BigEdDunkel
Photo Credit: Reddit / BigEdDunkel
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It's a really special moment when you tell your kids that you're going to have another baby, and using a book to do that is a smart idea! Maybe not this book, but a book.

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The Pig Does Not Look Impressed

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a picture form a kid's book that looks like a little girl is staring at a pig's butt
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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In the story, this is a moment when this little girl had a bad dream and her pet pig was there to comfort her. In reality, it looks like something uncomfortable is happening.

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Everybody Farts

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a book about kids and adults farting
Photo Credit: Reddit / killakimchi
Photo Credit: Reddit / killakimchi
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In a way, I can see how this would actually be helpful to teach children not to be ashamed of their bodies and the things their bodies do, but why is the water yellow?

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There Was No Other Way To Do This?

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a picture of the differences between horse anatomy and human anatomy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jibicoke
Photo Credit: Twitter / @jibicoke
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It is neat to think about how animals and humans are a lot alike, but this seems a little outrageous. There wasn't a better way to show the similarities between us?

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That Is The Opposite Of A Good Idea

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a page from a kid's book about sticking your finger in a cat's butt
Photo Credit: Imgur / BeerAndWhiskey
Photo Credit: Imgur / BeerAndWhiskey
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The look on the cat's face is like horror and devastation. How could their human even attempt to do this to them? I hope this is a book about things you should never do.

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That Is Awful Life Advice

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a weird book about lions
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The secret to being a good lover is actually listening when someone says no. This is terrible advice, and this book should never be read to an impressionable child ever.

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Now We Know How George Got So Curious

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a story about Curious George sniffing chemicals
Photo Credit: Reddit / BrassEmpire
Photo Credit: Reddit / BrassEmpire
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If you're not careful, you're going to end up with little kids who want to be just like Curious George and start smelling the under the sink chemicals or lead paint.

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This Is Not Anatomically Correct

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a child's book about girl and boy elephants peeing
Photo Credit: Imgur
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Elephants and humans are not the same. They don't go to the bathroom in even remotely the same way. Why would a kid want to know how an elephant pees?

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The Look On His Face

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a book with a pig selling ham and bacon
Photo Credit: Imgur / TheOrganizedDisorder
Photo Credit: Imgur / TheOrganizedDisorder
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That's probably the look I would have on my face, too, if I was selling ham and bacon to people while also being a pig myself. Something about that is twisted.

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Yeah Dick, Tell Us

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a kid on a children's book feeding a sausage
Photo Credit: tumblr / greatybuzz
Photo Credit: tumblr / greatybuzz
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Based on the title alone, I would assume that this story is about a little boy who likes to lick everything, and everyone else in his life thinks that that is very strange except for the dog.

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Uh...We All Should

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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This book is actually about how to take care of the older people in your life. Whoever wrote this just chose a very unfortunate title to put on the cover.

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George Is A Peeping Tom

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a story about a hippo that likes to look through people's windows
Photo Credit: Imgur / ZZRJo
Photo Credit: Imgur / ZZRJo
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What goes through someone's mind when they write a children's book? Do they think this won't be wrong because kids are too innocent to be creepy, or do they just not think at all?

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Teach Those Kids Some Manners

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur / tywilson87
Photo Credit: Imgur / tywilson87
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I can't imagine that this one is actually real, but if it is, it might be a good way to get your kids to behave better, because no one wants anything bad to happen to their mom.

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Who Needs A Job, Anyway?

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a kid's book about a hobo
Photo Credit: Twitter / @adrianchen
Photo Credit: Twitter / @adrianchen
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It's important to give a kid something to aspire to, so why not start teaching them about careers early in life? Like this book that would make any train-loving child want to be a hobo.

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They're Just Trying To Be Helpful

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a book about helping someone be a hoarder
Photo Credit: Imgur / tywilson87
Photo Credit: Imgur / tywilson87
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What is this book about? A grandma who likes to steal all the little red mittens in the neighborhood and her two tiny henchmen who do her dirty wintry work?

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This One Was Written By A Middle Child

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur
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No one is being replaced when your parents bring home a new sibling, but I get how it could feel that way. Hopefully, this book is about how to avoid those feelings.

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This Is The First Chapter Of Midsommar

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a children's book called
Photo Credit: tumblr / thatssotraci
Photo Credit: tumblr / thatssotraci
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This is another one I'm not entirely convinced is real, because no one is going to encourage their child to join a cult. Maybe it's a cautionary tale where the main character joins one and it goes badly.

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Anyone Named Wayne Is Weird

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a book about your mom dating someone who is a weirdo
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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Maybe this is like Home Alone, only, instead of attacking people breaking into their home, this brother and sister duo make life miserable for Wayne and by extension for their mother.

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There Are Other Things To Be Good At

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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It is good to teach kids that they can be good at other things than whatever society has decided their gender can be good at. How about everyone just learns how to do macrame?

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That Escalated Quickly

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a book with some text about people being hanged near the Marble Arch
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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Did a child really need to know that fact? I'm an adult and I'm not sure that I needed to know that fact. It just goes from bad to worse.

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Well, This Is Weird

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a book called
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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What could this book even be about? I see a tiny bone in the pig's purse, but where did she get it? Why does she have it? What does the fox want with it?

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The Faces Of Nightmares

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creepy looking spoons and dishes on a book
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Billy_Townsend
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Billy_Townsend
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Most of us do know this story, and it isn't weird, really. But what is really weird are the faces on these dishes. They look like the faces of people who share too much when they're sober.

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It's Quite The Journey, I'm Sure

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a book about poop
Photo Credit: Amazon / Angèle Delaunois
Photo Credit: Amazon / Angèle Delaunois
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It's good that there are people in the world who want to share this important information with the world, like what happens to your poop after you flush it down the toilet.

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That Crocodile Looks Very Concerned

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a book called
Photo Credit: Amazon / Sylviane Donnio
Photo Credit: Amazon / Sylviane Donnio
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I suppose that I would feel concerned, too, if I secretly wished that I wanted to eat a kid. The question does remain, though, why would you go and write a book for kids about it?

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Life Lessons Waiting To Happen

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a book called
Photo Credit: Amazon / Mo Willems
Photo Credit: Amazon / Mo Willems
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Kids' books usually have some kind of moral that wants to teach you something, so maybe this book is trying to teach kids how to spot red flags on someone who is seemingly so cool.

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This Is A Lot To Process

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a weird picture book with a cow that looks like they have a finger for a head
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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Kids' books fall apart, especially when you get them from the library and stuff. It's so strange, though, that this one looks like a weird hybrid of a cow and a finger when it's missing a piece.

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Is This Some Kind Of Weird Game?

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animals telling a lion to suck on a banana
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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The worst thing that is probably going to happen after a kid reads this book is they're going to go around bullying their friends into sucking on a banana. Weird, but maybe not that bad?

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Just Like Everyone Farts

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a book about how everyone poops
Photo Credit: Amazon / Taro Gomi
Photo Credit: Amazon / Taro Gomi
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It's honestly so great to know that there are books in the world that are working hard to make sure that we all understand how similar we really are to one another.

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Is That So?

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a book that just says
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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It really makes you wonder what this book would be about to just have the words "horse" and "balls" written in bold letters with no other pictures or clues about what it is about.

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What Is It With These Elephants?

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a picture of elephants full of water
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These are the same elephants that tried to tell us the weird ways that boys and girls use the bathroom. I just don't know what to make of them being plugged and unplugged.

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Everyone Giver Her A Kiss

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kiss that looks like a butthole
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Photo Credit: Imgur
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I hope after reading this book that adults will begin to understand why kids hate giving estranged relatives and family friends kisses. It's because their mouths all look like this.

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...What Did He Put In Her Mouth?

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a poem about someone putting something in a person's mouth
Photo Credit: Imgur
Photo Credit: Imgur
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This seems like it should not be a children's book. However, it could just be that as an adult, my mind has been clouded by the grossness of being an adult.