Children’s Books That Will Make You Regret Teaching Your Kids To Read
When we think back on our childhood, most of us can remember a title or two of books that we loved reading or having read to us. It's these books and stories that we want to save and pass down to our own children because they meant so much to us.
Then there are some children's books in the world that will really make you second-guess whether or not you should teach your child to read at all.
What Would This Even Be About?
What could happen to a person that would make them think they should write a whole children's book about bums and why they need a new one? It seems like that's a private conversation you should have.
Homemade Ones Still Count
This person was chronicling all of the weird things their child said to them and will turn them into a book, and honestly, that seems like the right thing to do.
I Don't Know Where To Start With This One
So, I am confused. Was it his fart or was it his super sweet karate skills that broke those bricks? I'm not sure which would be more impressive, to be honest.
A Hard Lesson But A True One
Listen. Kids just got here, OK? We don't need to start telling them right away about the fact that we pretty much all end up in the same place when it's all said and done.
A "Please" Would Have Been Nice
This is one of those fun books where it is tactile and you can learn cool things about the world by touching things. However, they did not need to be so forceful.
Tell Me About It
The true moment you know your child has grown is when they start getting interested in things that are kind of illegal. Or they at least start asking those kinds of questions, anyway.
Now You've Gone And Told The Truth
Telling your kids the truth about the world is important, and you never want to be the parent that lies to their kids, but there are some things that it's probably OK to sugarcoat.
Bobby! Come On!
I'm not entirely sure what the point of this book would be other than to give you a tool to talk with your children about how they shouldn't drink as children.
This Was Written By An Oldest Child
It's a really special moment when you tell your kids that you're going to have another baby, and using a book to do that is a smart idea! Maybe not this book, but a book.
The Pig Does Not Look Impressed
In the story, this is a moment when this little girl had a bad dream and her pet pig was there to comfort her. In reality, it looks like something uncomfortable is happening.
Everybody Farts
In a way, I can see how this would actually be helpful to teach children not to be ashamed of their bodies and the things their bodies do, but why is the water yellow?
There Was No Other Way To Do This?
It is neat to think about how animals and humans are a lot alike, but this seems a little outrageous. There wasn't a better way to show the similarities between us?
That Is The Opposite Of A Good Idea
The look on the cat's face is like horror and devastation. How could their human even attempt to do this to them? I hope this is a book about things you should never do.
That Is Awful Life Advice
The secret to being a good lover is actually listening when someone says no. This is terrible advice, and this book should never be read to an impressionable child ever.
Now We Know How George Got So Curious
If you're not careful, you're going to end up with little kids who want to be just like Curious George and start smelling the under the sink chemicals or lead paint.
This Is Not Anatomically Correct
Elephants and humans are not the same. They don't go to the bathroom in even remotely the same way. Why would a kid want to know how an elephant pees?
The Look On His Face
That's probably the look I would have on my face, too, if I was selling ham and bacon to people while also being a pig myself. Something about that is twisted.
Yeah Dick, Tell Us
Based on the title alone, I would assume that this story is about a little boy who likes to lick everything, and everyone else in his life thinks that that is very strange except for the dog.
Uh...We All Should
This book is actually about how to take care of the older people in your life. Whoever wrote this just chose a very unfortunate title to put on the cover.
George Is A Peeping Tom
What goes through someone's mind when they write a children's book? Do they think this won't be wrong because kids are too innocent to be creepy, or do they just not think at all?
Teach Those Kids Some Manners
I can't imagine that this one is actually real, but if it is, it might be a good way to get your kids to behave better, because no one wants anything bad to happen to their mom.
Who Needs A Job, Anyway?
It's important to give a kid something to aspire to, so why not start teaching them about careers early in life? Like this book that would make any train-loving child want to be a hobo.
They're Just Trying To Be Helpful
What is this book about? A grandma who likes to steal all the little red mittens in the neighborhood and her two tiny henchmen who do her dirty wintry work?
This One Was Written By A Middle Child
No one is being replaced when your parents bring home a new sibling, but I get how it could feel that way. Hopefully, this book is about how to avoid those feelings.
This Is The First Chapter Of Midsommar
This is another one I'm not entirely convinced is real, because no one is going to encourage their child to join a cult. Maybe it's a cautionary tale where the main character joins one and it goes badly.
Anyone Named Wayne Is Weird
Maybe this is like Home Alone, only, instead of attacking people breaking into their home, this brother and sister duo make life miserable for Wayne and by extension for their mother.
There Are Other Things To Be Good At
It is good to teach kids that they can be good at other things than whatever society has decided their gender can be good at. How about everyone just learns how to do macrame?
That Escalated Quickly
Did a child really need to know that fact? I'm an adult and I'm not sure that I needed to know that fact. It just goes from bad to worse.
Well, This Is Weird
What could this book even be about? I see a tiny bone in the pig's purse, but where did she get it? Why does she have it? What does the fox want with it?
The Faces Of Nightmares
Most of us do know this story, and it isn't weird, really. But what is really weird are the faces on these dishes. They look like the faces of people who share too much when they're sober.
It's Quite The Journey, I'm Sure
It's good that there are people in the world who want to share this important information with the world, like what happens to your poop after you flush it down the toilet.
That Crocodile Looks Very Concerned
I suppose that I would feel concerned, too, if I secretly wished that I wanted to eat a kid. The question does remain, though, why would you go and write a book for kids about it?
Life Lessons Waiting To Happen
Kids' books usually have some kind of moral that wants to teach you something, so maybe this book is trying to teach kids how to spot red flags on someone who is seemingly so cool.
This Is A Lot To Process
Kids' books fall apart, especially when you get them from the library and stuff. It's so strange, though, that this one looks like a weird hybrid of a cow and a finger when it's missing a piece.
Is This Some Kind Of Weird Game?
The worst thing that is probably going to happen after a kid reads this book is they're going to go around bullying their friends into sucking on a banana. Weird, but maybe not that bad?
Just Like Everyone Farts
It's honestly so great to know that there are books in the world that are working hard to make sure that we all understand how similar we really are to one another.
Is That So?
It really makes you wonder what this book would be about to just have the words "horse" and "balls" written in bold letters with no other pictures or clues about what it is about.
What Is It With These Elephants?
These are the same elephants that tried to tell us the weird ways that boys and girls use the bathroom. I just don't know what to make of them being plugged and unplugged.
Everyone Giver Her A Kiss
I hope after reading this book that adults will begin to understand why kids hate giving estranged relatives and family friends kisses. It's because their mouths all look like this.
...What Did He Put In Her Mouth?
This seems like it should not be a children's book. However, it could just be that as an adult, my mind has been clouded by the grossness of being an adult.