Dad Of 4 Girls Tweets Conversations He Has With His Daughters, Hilarity Ensues
Author James Breakwell, affectionately known as Exploding Unicorn on Twitter, regularly posts about the conversations he has with his four young daughters, and it seems as if they’ve inherited their father’s sense of humor.
Because who needs to watch television when your entire life is already a sitcom?
Junk Food Coma
In celebration of summer vacation, Breakwell told his daughters they could eat as much junk food as they wanted because he was throwing it all in the trash tomorrow. So naturally, they did what every child would do in this situation.
This is literally me after every Halloween.
Pack It Up — We’re Moving!
The thought of doing chores makes people want to hide in a closet in the hope that someone else will do it.
I’ve moved ten times before, so what’s one more at this point?
Code Red...CODE RED
If I’ve learned anything as an adult, it’s that it doesn’t need to be a special day in order to have cake, and it seems that Breakwell’s 9-year-old daughter has already learned this lesson.
If running out of cake doesn’t constitute an emergency, I don’t know what does.
The Math Checks Out
What’s better than one cookie? Well, Breakwell’s 6-year-old daughter figured out that the answer is two cookies!
She already has better math skills than me, and her decision making is flawless.
Dogs > People
People are, well... exhausting. But dogs are energetic balls of fluff and full of unconditional love.
Why can’t dogs just learn to walk themselves so I can meet them and not their owners?
Apply Cold Water To The Burned Area Part One
It’s simply a fact of life that siblings sometimes get rowdy and hurl insults (and fists) at each other.
But instead of blaming her sisters, Breakwell’s 8-year-old daughter decided to blame the person she thought was truly at fault for her woes.
Apply Cold Water To The Burned Area Part Two
There’s a saying that the true test of any relationship is whether they can withstand several hours’ worth of assembling IKEA furniture.
Parents are caregivers to their children. But, they’re also chefs, teachers, housekeepers, gardeners, and chauffeurs. Apparently, Breakwell’s wife is also the household carpenter.
Just A Normal Day In The Neighborhood
Kids have a knack for getting themselves in the most bizarre situations, and Breakwell’s four rambunctious daughters are no exception.
Absolutely nothing to see here, folks. This is just 'normal' stuff.
This Is What Love Tastes Like
The two types of people in this world who you can always count on to tell you the truth are drunk people and children.
Breakwell’s daughter simply speaks the truth. Fries = love.
Dangerously Cheesy
Breakwell accidentally mistook Cheeto dust on his 5-year-old daughter’s forehead for blood.
I once saw a little girl at Costco being pushed around in a shopping cart while hugging a jumbo-sized bag of Cheetos. Perhaps her and Breakwell’s daughter are related?
Disney World Is Canceled, Kids!
Have you ever been through the automatic carwash and splurged on one of the extra fancy settings? I’m talking about the one with the multicolored soaps that makes it look like your car is being engulfed in 1960’s tie-dye and euphoria.
Sadly though, it does not come with an appearance by Mickey Mouse.
The FBI Is Definitely Listening
Perhaps Breakwell’s daughter has been watching too many true crime documentaries, or she’s secretly on retainer for the FBI.
Hopefully, they don’t come knocking on their front door anytime soon.
Confidence Is Key
Confidence is something that people battle throughout their lives, even into adulthood, but it looks like Breakwell’s 6-year-old daughter has zero trouble in that department.
She's probably very popular every Valentine's Day.
Lady Justice Is Here
Not only have Breakwell’s daughter’s mastered the art of humor (much like their father), but they also have mad persuasion and communication skills.
Maybe they’ll all grow up to be lawyers.
Gordon Ramsay, You’re Not
We already know Breakwell’s 6-year-old daughter is a huge fan of cookies, but it seems like she’s less keen on her father’s cooking.
Maybe he should just stick to comedy.
Dracarys
Everybody had their go-to Halloween costume as kids — princess, superhero, or a witch, but it seems as if Breakwell’s 5-year-old has a different idea in mind, and wants to be it year-round.
“Fire cannot kill a dragon.”