Dads Took To Twitter To Air Their Funniest Fathering Struggles

We love dads who are involved in their kids’ lives. It’s so nice to see the trend of men being more involved in parenting than ever before. Now, dads know all of the struggles that moms have known for years. Parenting is a wild ride, so these dads are taking to Twitter to talk about just how wild of a ride it is.

These are tweets by dads, for dads—and for anyone else who could use a laugh today.

When You Let Your Kids Make Dinner

tweet: I let my 3-year-old make her own dinner. 
She put candy corn on top cold pizza

The apprentice has become the master.
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

Who’s to say that there’s anything wrong with putting candy corn on pizza? Avant-garde chefs are probably doing it in fancy restaurants right now. We think she is onto something.

It’s Self-Explanitory

tweet: Me: Why is there toothpaste on the wall? 
6-year-old: I was brushing my teeth.

Me: But why is it on the wall?

6: I just explained it.
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

There is toothpaste on the wall because this kid was brushing her teeth, and that’s all you need to know. It makes perfect sense if you think about it some more.

His Real Name

Tweet: Random lady: What's your name? 
5-year-old: Thorin, son of Thrain, King under the Mountain

Lady:*looks at me confused*

Me: Bow to the king
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

Kids come up with some wild ideas sometimes, and all you can really do as a parent is shrug and go along with it. This dad has the right idea.

Mmm, Salary

tweet: 4-year-old: Why do you go to work? 
Me: They pay me a salary.

4-year-old:

Me:

4-year-old: I don't even like celery.
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

Imagine if you worked eight hours every day of the workweek and all you got in return was a bunch of celery. I like celery as much as the next guy, but that would be awful.

A Wet Lunch

tweet: 3-year-old: *pouts* 
Me: Is something wrong with your lunch?

3: It's too wet.

Me: It's soup.
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

Have you ever seen a soup that wasn’t wet? It wouldn’t be a soup then, would it? Maybe this girl just doesn’t like soup, which is fair. Don’t criticize it for being too wet, though.

The Most Dad Thing Ever

tweet: I watched The Irishman with my parents. My dad was silent the whole time except when De Niro's truck broke down and he said,
Photo Credit: @YesThisIsRyan / Twitter
Photo Credit: @YesThisIsRyan / Twitter

This man is now a dad. He watched a very dad movie with his own father and had the most dad experience of his life. What even is a transmission?

Mom Is The Scariest Monster

tweet: [bed time] 
Me: Your mom told you to stay in bed.

3-year-old: There's a scary monster in my closet

Me: Scarier than Mom?

3: *goes to bed*
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter
Photo Credit: @XplodingUnicorn / Twitter

There may very well be a scary monster in this kid’s closet, but that monster has got nothing on a tired mom who really wants to go to sleep right now.

Parenting Done Right

tweet: Me: goodnight kids 
Kids: goodnight dad

Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad

Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
Photo Credit: @TheNateWolf / Twitter
Photo Credit: @TheNateWolf / Twitter

This is the right way to parent. Sure, you might scar your kids forever, but at least you’re having fun with your spouse, which is all that really matters in the end.

Rival Dads

tweet: Heard a rival dad in the neighborhood was handing out full size candy bars so now every trick-or-treater that comes to my door is getting an entire rotisserie chicken.
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter

There is an unspoken war going on in every neighborhood to determine who is the best neighborhood dad. Your Halloween offering can earn you some serious points, apparently. It’s all about those full-size candy bars.

Kids Are Noisy

tweet: Friend: what are you bringing to the party? Me: DA NOISE!!! Friend: so, just your kids? Me: Yeah... :(
Photo Credit: @TheGladStork / Twitter
Photo Credit: @TheGladStork / Twitter

This dad used to be the life of the party, but now that he has kids, his party life has slowed down a bit. Now his kids are bringing the noise.

Always Thinking About Dessert

tweet: Before dinner 6: Can I get dessert?
During
6: Can I get dessert?
After
6: Can I get dessert?
During dessert
6: Can I get dessert tomorrow?
Photo Credit: @TheAlexNevil / Twitter
Photo Credit: @TheAlexNevil / Twitter

These kids always have sugar on the brain. They want dessert before dinner, after dinner, in the morning, and before bed. When will enough be enough for them? We get that they like cake, but…

The Disney Experience

tweet: Dad: Hey kids, guess what, I'm taking you all to Disney *hiccups* Kids: *cheering and going crazy*
Dad: On Ice
Kids: Oh
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter

There’s a huge difference between Disney World and Disney on Ice, and these kids know it. Who wants to watch people prance around on figure skates when they could be on Space Mountain?

When She Makes Her Own Breakfast

tweet: [5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper] 
Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven?

Me: I'm up.
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter
Photo Credit: @simoncholland / Twitter

Dad isn’t going to get much sleep if he’s thinking about his daughter setting fire to his kitchen. It’s nice that she wants to try to be self-sufficient, but she’s not quite there yet.

Tears All The Time

tweet: Things that made my toddler cry this week: - I wouldn't let the dog drive him to daycare
- the bath was
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter

Toddlers have some very big emotions. Sometimes, those big emotions get the better of them and they end up crying over bathwater being too wet. It’s just one of the things you have to deal with as a parent.

A Long Story

tweet: Me:
Photo Credit: @quarathomedad / Twitter
Photo Credit: @quarathomedad / Twitter

When your kids tell you that something is a long story, just walk away and take their word for it. You don’t really need to know that badly. The cushions will be fine.

The Concept Of Time

comic of kid and dad looking at clock arguing about the nature of time
Photo Credit: @James_Breakwell / Twitter
Photo Credit: @James_Breakwell / Twitter

Have you ever gotten into an existential debate with your four-year-old child? This dad definitely knows what that is like. Somehow, the kids always end up stumping you.

The Optimal Dad Bod

tweet: my personal style is
Photo Credit: @MacMcannTX / Twitter
Photo Credit: @MacMcannTX / Twitter

Being a dad means looking the part. When you’re a dad, looking the part means getting that dad bod in athleisure. it’s just the dad way to be. Who doesn’t love a dad bod?

A Meatball Breakdown

tweet: [At dinner]  Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? 
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it's 10% balls? 
Me: *spits out food*
Photo Credit: @Playing_Dad / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Playing_Dad / Twitter

If a meatball is made mostly out of meat, then the rest of it has to be balls, right? Well, not exactly. It’s just meat in the shape of a ball. It is 90% meat and 100% ball.

Your Food Is Never Your Own

tweet: when you spend 10 minutes making a tremendous sandwich for yourself for lunch 
toasted and everything

and right when you cut it in half

both kids appear & say how amazing it looks & how they would LOVE it

well, just know that this story doesn't end with each kid getting a half
Photo Credit: @Jon_Finkel / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Jon_Finkel / Twitter

As a dad, you can’t just make a sandwich for yourself while your kids are in the house. This guy should have just made two sandwiches knowing that his kids would want one.

Shared Enemies

tweet: My daughter said
Photo Credit: @Lucky_Leftovers / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Lucky_Leftovers / Twitter

When you have kids, their enemies become your enemies, no questions asked. Brooklyn better watch her back because this dad is not going to stand for his daughter being bullied.

Start Searching

tweet: Daddy? Yeah Bud? Can you scour the house looking everywhere for something I'm poorly describing that you've never seen or heard of before?
Photo Credit: @LionJenkins / Twitter
Photo Credit: @LionJenkins / Twitter

Kids are always looking for something, and when they can’t find whatever it is they’re looking for, they turn to their dads for some extra help. Some things are just meant to stay lost.

What Makes You A Dad?

tweet: Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad.
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter

Being a father is one thing. All you have to do is impregnate a lady. Being a dad is something completely different. It involves pranking your kids whenever you have the opportunity.

How Did She Send The Note, Then?

tweet: My son lost a tooth last night. I just saved myself £2 [picture of a note left saying that the tooth fairy can't come because of social distancing]
Photo Credit: @joehenan / Twitter
Photo Credit: @joehenan / Twitter

Unfortunately, this year, the Tooth Fairy wasn’t able to complete her teeth collecting duties because of a worldwide pandemic. She was somehow able to get into the house to leave this note, though.

When They Learn The Truth

tweet: Simple facts I'm terrified of my toddler discovering: - public parks don't randomly close
- tv's don't run out of batteries
- there is no actual world record for
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter
Photo Credit: @HenpeckedHal / Twitter

There are some truths we choose not to reveal to our kids because we know that they’re not ready to handle them. These are some of those truths. Let’s just keep them in the dark for a little bit longer.

A Kid Secret

tweet: 5: daddy can I tell you a secret? 
Me: sure thing buddy

5: *grabs my face and whispers* I just pooped and I didn't wash my hands
Photo Credit: @DaddyJew / Twitter
Photo Credit: @DaddyJew / Twitter

Sometimes kids tell the best secrets, and sometimes they don’t really understand the concept of secrets as a whole. Really, though, this kid should have washed his hands after he used the bathroom.

A Dad Truth

tweet: Dads hate stopping on road trips because then all of the vehicles they worked hard to pass for the last hour get back ahead of them
Photo Credit: @Average_Dad1 / Twitter
Photo Credit: @Average_Dad1 / Twitter

Have you ever noticed how much dads hate stopping while they’re on road trips? This must be the reason why. They really want to be at the front of the line.

A Kid Paradox

tweet: *before school Kids: Why do we have to go to school? It's so boring!
*after school
Me: What're you guys doing?
Kids: We're playing school
Photo Credit: @FatherWithTwins / Twitter
Photo Credit: @FatherWithTwins / Twitter

Kids hate going to school, but then when they get home, they just pretend that they’re at school. Make it make sense, kids. Why do you only like pretend school?

A Sweet Moment

tweet: 3yo: I love you daddy  
Me: I love you too

3yo: you're my best friend

Me: aww that’s pathetic
Photo Credit: @aotakeo / Twitter
Photo Credit: @aotakeo / Twitter

It’s really cute when your kids say that you’re their best friend, but then you have to wonder, do they have any friends their own age? Maybe they should find some new friends.

Chicken Or Pork?

tweet: Me: I made pork. 3yo: I don't like pork.
Me: It's chicken.
3yo: Oh, yeah, I like that kind of chicken.
Photo Credit: @AmateurIdiot / Twitter
Photo Credit: @AmateurIdiot / Twitter

All dads should adopt this dinnertime trick. Just tell your kids that the food you made for dinner is whatever food they want to eat. They won’t know the difference.

Who’s Teaching Whom?

tweet
Photo Credit: @aotakeo / Twitter
Photo Credit: @aotakeo / Twitter

Math is just fresher in a kid’s mind than in our adult minds. That’s why we use them to help us do our taxes. We knew these kids would be good for something someday.