Hilarious Parents Who Prove That Raising Kids Is A Total Nightmare
"Have kids," they said. "It will be one of the most fulfilling and joyful experiences of your life," they said.
Sure, I guess that kids can be great at times, but the reality is that raising them can be a total nightmare, as these parents have hilariously summed up in these tweets.
They Really Have No Filter
Most people will at least feign some level of politeness when they dislike your taste in something.
Kids will come out, totally unabashed, and tell you they think you choose terrible music.
Does The Glass Taste Good?
Does anyone know why kids find it absolutely irresistible to put their dirty mouths against any glass surface that is probably equally dirty?
Scientists, my DMs are open for your answers.
Seriously, Do Not Even Attempt It
Books, movies, blogs, and television shows all make it seem like baking with your young child is a fun bonding experience.
In reality, it's just adding two times the mess and having your kid try to eat raw eggs.
It's One Of The Biggest Responsibilities Involved
When you're expecting a child, you start to imagine what your parenting journey will be like and the challenges you'll face.
Trust me, it is nothing like what you expected.
At Least She Would Visit!
I understand that most children do not particularly love having to go to school every day—I mean, I definitely didn't.
However, I didn't expect them to dislike it more than the idea of me in jail.
So What Is The Roomba Named?
For expecting parents, choosing out a name for your child can be a complex and timely process because you want it to have meaning.
However, it's not as easy to pick out the perfect funny Roomba name.
Why Are Kids So Dramatic?
Kids will act like they have witnessed the most horrific sight known to man only for it to be something incredibly mundane.
Like, slow your roll, drama queen. Alert me if there is a tornado.
The Pettiness Is Real
Okay, but can you imagine if his plan had worked and then SWAT had kicked down the door later?
I mean, what could this mom even say in the interrogation?
I Would Like To See Some Realism
We need a children's book where the mom wears the worn-out T-shirts she got from random events through the years because she doesn't care if they get stained and a dad who cannot find the television remote next to him.
Barnes & Noble would sell out instantly.
It's Always The Day Of
Spirit Week might seem like a good idea in theory, but it's a parent's nightmare.
No child has ever spoken to their parents about it in advance, instead leaving us to throw together an outfit at 7:43 a.m.
Never Let Them Know You Don't Know
Parenting is essentially just keeping up the illusion that you are wise and knowledgeable and therefore you should be in charge.
The second your child sees through the façade, you've lost.
Should've Put A Chalk Outline Around It
Children really will just shed their clothes onto the floor and run off without a single second of afterthought.
Normally, it's just irritating, but this mom also got to worry that her child had passed out cold for a second!
Sometimes It's Easier To Just Let It Happen
In a perfect world, you could always get your kids to behave in a socially acceptable manner.
However, this world is imperfect, and sometimes you just don't have the energy to stop them from acting like a dog.
Falling Apart At The Seams
Truly, if you have ever seen a group of parents chatting on their one night out where they all got babysitters, this is what they look like.
Perhaps not physically, but this is the energy they emit.
It Hurts Because It Is True
The worst insults I have ever received in my life have come straight from the mouths of children.
Worst of all, they don't even say it to be mean—to them, it's just an observable fact.
I Still Have The Charger For My 2008 BlackBerry
Have I used my BlackBerry once in the past 10 years? Absolutely not. Does the cord even work if not held at a specific angle? Absolutely not.
Will I throw it away? Absolutely not.
It's The Dirt For Me
I mean, I can at least understand that items 1–5 are things that are generally eye-catching, but somehow the kid still fixates on dirt.
One time, my child got distracted when I was speaking to her because she saw a dust bunny.
Sorry Pal, But I Cannot Help With That
When your kid is upset, naturally, you want to find the source of the problem and help them feel better.
However, what are you supposed to do when the reason they are sad is stupid?
It's Better To Throw It Out Without Looking
Sometimes, you will think that you can salvage the Tupperware, so you crack it open, but that is a mistake.
You will, undoubtedly, find some sort of rotting food—often unidentifiable due to all the mold—inside.
Now I'm Sad About Stores
Truly, so many children who were young when the pandemic hit have never experienced the "normal" version of how our society functions.
On another note, that is the best description of a store that I have ever read.
It Falls Apart So Fast
Before becoming a parent, you picture yourself as being a patient, exceptional caregiver to your child who won't have to use the same tricks your parents did.
At some point, though, you will be asking for advice about how to Benadryl your child to sleep.
The Parallels Are Uncanny
Babies really say hello with a kiss like they're a college student who's out at 11 p.m. on a holiday and they've been steadily drinking since they woke up and just taken another tequila shot.
The execution is the exact same.
The Logic Was Not Quite There
I love how kids' minds immediately jump to "there was no color in the world until recently" rather than "cameras couldn't always capture color."
Also, does this kid think his dad was born before the 1940s when they started filming in color for movies?
Honestly, I Get It
I want to make fun of the kid, but as a pet owner, every once in a while I will look at my animals and start crying because I know they will probably die before me.
Mortality is wild at any age.
WebMD Strikes Again
Parents are always worried about their kids getting on "inappropriate" websites when they put child locks on their internet browser.
I'm worried about my kids misdiagnosing themselves with an illness and assuming they're severely ill.
I Mean, In A Way, Yeah
I'm not saying that I condone the actions of Jack in the movie, but I will say that I can understand where he's coming from...
For legal reasons, this is a joke.
I Am The Garbage Disposal
After cooking a meal and going through the effort of serving it, there's no way I'm letting parts of it end up in the trash.
I will consume the rest if it kills me.
Same Soup, Just Reheated
As parents, the best we can do is hope to get our kids outside and being active every once in a while rather than them staring at screens all day.
What they do out there is none of my business.
HGTV Is A Fantasy Channel
The whole "fantasy" genre never really did it for me until I started to watch HGTV and look at pristinely organized, clean homes.
I cannot imagine a more unrealistic, but appealing, fantasy.
Sorry, I Cannot Answer
Honestly, describing parenting as a "joyful" experience isn't exactly accurate.
It's more like running a marathon: it's exhausting and you definitely want to quit at times, but there are also the really rewarding moments too.
