Hilarious Wives Spill What It’s Really Like To Be Married
In movies and books, marriage is either depicted as being this wonderful, magical experience between a couple, or a dramatic, troubling story about how terribly hard everything is. In reality, there are a lot more mundane and dumb things that go on.
These wives tweeted the hilarious reality of what it means to be with their husbands.
It Will Help You Avoid Death
If your wife's clothes at any point in time stop fitting her, just agree that they probably shrunk in the wash. It does not matter if she's owned them for years and has washed them hundreds of times.
Seriously, They're All So Bad
One of the most tragic things about getting married is that you have to trust that one person to take almost all the photos you have of yourself for the rest of your life, and they are often so bad at it.
Very Fun And Different For Her
You know what? If she spends most of the time taking care of the kids, then I think she's totally right to leave him behind and take a bit of time for herself.
That's Over, That's Canceled
Remember those early years in your relationship when you put the time and effort into taking scandalous photos for the love of your life? Well, those days are over. Who has the time or energy?
Narrator: She Was, In Fact, Not Fine
![tweet: Husband: are you mad
Me: no I'm fine [𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱]](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/disputed-claim-63219.jpg?width=480 "disputed claim")
I don't know what it is about the way the female brain was created, but I feel like it's humanly impossible for us to actually admit to being angry rather than just saying "fine."
Seriously, Why?
I swear, I could take over 20 selfies with my partner and in at least 18, he's smiling in a weird way that he never does in real life, and in the other two, he's blinking.
He Gives It Up Every Time
Listen, you don't need to tell me that it's selfish to ask for it when he clearly needs it more—I get that—but I also know that he, for some reason, always has his battery running on nearly empty while I freak out when I fall under 50%.
Worked Up A Sweat Either Way
![tweet: husband: you're so sweaty. did you work out?
me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes](https://www.dadpatrol.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/youre-so-sweaty-88368.jpg?width=480 "you're so sweaty")
When you work a full-time job, have children, and have to worry about getting groceries and cooking dinner each night, when do you have the time to hit the gym too?
It Only Gets Worse With Age
When you start dating someone who snores, you tell yourself that it is something minor and a flaw you can overlook. Years later, when you're married, you begin to wonder if you were wrong.
Sweet, Sweet Revenge
Tools really are pretty expensive, so I can only imagine his pain at seeing her use a hammer to knock screws into a board or pliers in the place of a wrench.
Seriously, Why Do They Do This?
There can be a whole bedroom perfectly available to them, but a man will choose to try and sleep on the couch in the room close to the kitchen during dinnertime and wonder why it's loud.
Can I Get An Order Of Mozza Sticks?
I don't know what value you could possibly get from having multiple screens to view the exact same game or multiple games all at once, but I know that it looks absolutely ridiculous.
Give Him A Little Heart Attack For Fun
When you've been married for a few years, you have to think of new ways to make his heart beat a little bit faster, and what's better than using fear to do it?
There Is A Double-Standard
I know in my mind that it's completely irrational to get mad at him for simply returning the exact same mocking that I send at him, but I do it nonetheless.
Turn Around And Walk Away
There are some things that you'll catch your spouse doing that, despite how strange they seem, should really just be left alone. You're better off letting them just do their thing.
It's Truly Magical
Remember what it was like being younger? You would shave your legs, wear your best underwear to impress, and have your hair and makeup on point every time you thought you might get intimate. Thank God I don't have to do it anymore.
R.I.P. To This Man
Have you ever seen a man talking with his wife in public and you hear him say, "It's just a joke, honey." It's truly like watching a car accident in slow motion.
...And You Can Bet I'll Be Louder
It would be nice to believe that fights with your spouse would be like those dramatic, articulate dialogue scenes in movies, but alas, they are literally just stupid yelling that's embarrassing in hindsight.
...I Would Like To File For Divorce
You could literally be super in love with your husband and think he's an attractive guy and then lose all interest in them briefly after they say one dumb thing.
It's Called "Solidarity"
In this woman's defense, I'm pretty sure that this phenomenon goes both ways. One time, my husband texted me asking me to pay attention to him because I was on my phone while he was nearby.
Gotta Give Them The Best Experience
True love in general is just sending each other every single funny meme you come across, but it's extra special when you know they're going to poop and you want to keep them entertained.
Every. Single. Day.
The worst part about this is that you never notice that someone is an abhorrent chewer or slurper until you really notice, and then it's all that you can hear.
Have Fun Taking Those Off, Baby!
There are only a few universal truths about the human experience, and one of them is that every single husband on the planet has a distinct hatred for throw pillows.
This Is Sociopathic Behavior
There is exactly one scenario when it makes sense to have the milk in the bowl before pouring the cereal in, and it's if you've already eaten a bowl of cereal and you're pouring a second serving into the same milk.
Smells Like Icy Frat Boy
Not only can she load the dishwasher wrong, but she might as well also start folding clothes in a weird way and asking for help to find something that's directly in front of her.
Society Has Moved Past The Need For A Single Duvet
If I was to become president today, I would pass legislation that would make it necessary for anyone sharing a bed to have their own personal duvet to sleep with. I think it would improve everyone's lives.
It's More Of A Suggestion
Asking your partner to get something while they're up before they're even up isn't a request so much as it is a demand that they stand up and go get that thing.
It's Technically Right
I mean, if he's the first man you married, he's technically your first husband. If anything, this wife is gently reminding him that, should he mess up, there will be a second.
Did I Stutter?
There are certain things that you can never have too much of in a home: toilet paper, paper towels, sticky notes, body wash, and bottles of wine—sparkling, red, and white.
It's Thankless Work
It's hard to wake up every day and tell someone how to make the bed correctly, how to do the grocery shopping, and what way they should load the dishwasher, but it's honest work.
