It’s a crazy world out there and we’ve all got our own worries that are filling it up. Normally it’s stuff like taxes, death, and our homes catching fire if we leave the coffee maker on (you’ve done this twice this week, don’t lie to me). But apparently, kids have their own set of issues.
Jimmy Fallon asked his Twitter followers what spooks their kids and the results just prove that we’re all slightly concerned about something. Like I’m concerned about the kid that’s scared of sour cream.
To Be Fair, Squids Are Prehistoric Monsters
All three of these are very spooky-ish things that have definitely shaken kids to their cores at some point in their lives. Did you know some quids have one giant eye and one small one? That’s so disgusting and not just for an optometrist.
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Joleneeee, Stop Spooking My Kids
You know what, this kid was probably just wondering what lies beneath all those perfect curls. I too have questions, but they mostly revolve around the theme of “how do I get my hair that nice?”
Probably The Last Reaction You Want On Christmas Morning
These parents have unknowingly stumbled across the perfect rule enforcer. Need to keep the kids in bed? Place this tiny plastic toy outside their bedrooms—you know they won’t be getting up for anything after seeing that.
This Kid Averts Eye Contact Walking By Yankee Candle
Does it matter whether they’re lit or unlit? I would hope it’s not a general fear and just one that has to do with flames and wax. Otherwise, every trip to Homesense in this kid’s life is going to be rough.
Doesn’t Matter If It’s Saturday…You Could Still Miss A Bus Somewhere
Okay, seven is a little too young to have this kind of corporate bureaucratic fear of missing deadlines…but she’ll fit right in in the workforce in 20 years. I still wake up in a cold sweat worried about missing my train to the office.
The Dishes Go In Dirty And Come Out…Clean?
We fear what we can’t understand, right? So it only makes sense that this kid fears the dishwasher. There’s something about a hidden portal that replaces dirty dishes with clean ones that would basically both excite and worry a kid.
Styrofoam Is Equally Annoying And Terrifying
This is a girl after my own heart because this noise also makes me want to flee the scene where it happens. Every time I get an Amazon delivery I just pray that there’s none of it lurking inside.
This Kid Will Cut Some Corners
Luckily for this kid, being a lighthouse keeper is still a very valuable career choice and you get to live in a circular room. It’s ideal and perfect if you don’t mind crushing loneliness and Leonardo DiCaprio from Shutter Island showing up once in a while.
Definitely The Only Person In The World With This Breakfast Fear
Pop-tarts may be one of the world’s greatest foods and I stand by that statement even though I’ve done zero research on the subject. Funny how someone’s biggest fear is getting a pop-tart smushed on them while it’s one of my bucket list items.
This Kid Showers In An Air Lock
I can’t wait for this kid to realize that the bathroom fan is his greatest friend. At your date’s house after a night of Tex-Mex food and unlimited margaritas? That bathroom fan is your saving grace…and it pairs best with some Febreeze.
The Way They Advertise Car Deals…It’s Terrifying
I love the way these balloon people sway in the wind. How this literal plastic hot-aired Gumby came to be associated with 50% off Honda Civics, we’ll never know. But God help me if it’s not my favorite thing to see on the street.
I Hate Everything About This Fear
How do you even work on this fear? Like, where does it even come from? I know bathrooms are scary to kids, but come on, isn’t pooping on a floor in front of other people way worse?
The Calories Probably Scared Her
She definitely read the label on the full-fat version and thought “wow, that’s all of my daily value.” Then, she proceeded to search for a low-fat kind because she knows that no get-together is complete without sour cream dip.
Organizational Hack? Be Scared Of Things Slightly Adjar
This kid has the makings of a great interior organizer because they already have a fear of disorganization. Which, I don’t have to tell you, is already a leg up on the rest of us who can’t bear to donate one pair of shoes.
These Kids Just Don’t Get Skincare
The face masks they make now come in “fun” patterns and designs meant to make it less of a scary experience for all the people in your life. But what I want to know, is why they thought a translucent tiger face would do just that?
I’m Scared Of This Too But Because I’m Scared Of The Splashback
I was looking through all the responses to Jimmy’s tweet and a huge number of them were these automatic toilets. Which is completely fair—they’re loud and freaky. I can’t wait for these kids to get older and witness some stuff so they’ll be scared of public restrooms for a host of different reasons.
Isn’t Grandma’s House Supposed To Be Fun?
I actually feel so bad for this poor grandma. Just because this kid’s dad’s drag is this bad doesn’t mean the grandma should have to suffer. Next time he should invest in a high-quality wig.
Hairball Or Scareball?
Looks like these two aren’t going to be hairdressers in the future or own pets, or ever brush their own hair. They do know that it is their own hair, right? Not some mysterious lab-grown hair.
…Let’s Add “Not Throwing A Tantrum In The Grocery Store” To This List
Funny how these fears seem to manifest at bedtime and all around the theme of personal hygiene. It’s also funny how this seems to be a collective fear shared by a lot of children…mine included.
My Kid Also Seems To Have This Fear
The way this fear manifests is by them standing outside the bathroom door banging on it and begging for us to let them in. Because why not try to interrupt the only time we get to ourselves.
Don’t Take This Kid To See A Rom-Com
To be fair, high-definition screens and cameras ruined it for everyone. Whether you have imperfections or not, a high-def camera and a slow-zoom onto your face will put them there.
Probably The Only Kid Who Screams At Sporting Events
I bet this kid never asks to go to Disney World, and for that, his parents are probably pretty grateful. I could see this getting annoying if every time they drop this kid off at school they scream at the mascot mural.
The City Which Must Not Be Named
This kid has bigger reasons to be afraid of Baltimore—did you see how the Orioles played this year? They’re going to need more than a simple wizard spell for good luck.
The Boy Who Lived And Scared The Heck Out Of Our Kids
This kid needs to be a little more receptive to people with facial scars. Don’t they know that every hero in anime has a facial scar that marks them as the chosen one? Come on kid, this isn’t a new thing.
There’s Something Jarring About A Chicken Restaurant With A Cow Mascot
I would be scared of the cow mascot too…mostly because I can’t help shake the feeling that it should’ve been a chicken. Is that fear or just my nitpicking tendencies coming through?
Umm…Why Are So Many Third-Graders Seeing It?
It was literally rated-R…I’m fairly certain that means third-graders shouldn’t be in theaters seeing that. I am glad, however, that some kids felt “silly” after seeing it. Even though that’s a troubling response in itself…
She Would Fit Right In In Salem
Close kid, different religion but same sort of dedication to the cause. Except nuns are a little more accepted and they don’t have to wear the weird pointy hat. Seriously, that thing would get blown right over in a windstorm.
He’s Probably Not Watching The New Star Wars
This kid will not be spoiling the new Mandalorian episodes since he’s clearly not taking any chances watching baby Yoda on the screen. Though now that this parent’s brought it to my attention, those little hands of Yoda do look like they’d be perfect for face-slapping…
Spookin’ At The Car Wash, Woah, Woah, Woahhh, Yeahh
You can see the look of pure terror and unease on this kid’s face as they hide from the soap bubbles swirling across the windshield. Don’t worry kid, this is the non-streaking kind.
Is It The Arrangement Or Just A General Problem With Beets? I Think It May Be The Beets…
I hate to beet your grandson to the punch but the problem is definitely with feeding him beets and not the separation between foods. I think he’s trying to subtly tell you he hates vegetables which is pretty on-brand for a child.