Kids Who Won This Round Against Their Parents
Kids look all cute and innocent until they accidentally set the house on fire or send you to the ER. Then you wonder how this cute little thing you gave birth to could possibly be the same person who is causing you so much grief.
They may have won this round, but the next one is yours!
The Kid Who Decided On A Quick Wardrobe Update
"Apparently my daughter left a sparkly blue crayon in her pocket, which I didn't discover until AFTER a full dryer cycle had run. An entire load of her clothes is now ruined."
Maybe having a wardrobe full of blue sparkles isn't so bad...it's like updating your clothes rather than buying new ones.
The Kid Who Refused To Be Contained
"My daughter got stuck in the child gate, so her grandpa had to hold her in place while grandma slathered lotion around her knees and maneuvered her legs around to set her free."
Do you want to hear the best part? She did it again the following day. Maybe she was hoping she got smaller overnight.
The Kid With A Good Strategy To Find Out Your Allergies
"My toddler daughter rode on my shoulders and touched my face during our last hike, grabbing random leaves as we went along... I'm highly allergic to poison ivy."
On the bright side, now she knows! This means she will at least be prepared next time.
The Kid Who Clearly Wasn't On Board For Retainers
"My daughter lost her retainers somewhere in this tank that we just spent $500 replacing three weeks ago after she threw them away at school."
This is what the parents get for forcing the retainers on her. She really proved her point.
The Kid Who Almost Set The House On Fire
"My three-year-old daughter almost caused a major fire by leaving a party hat on top of a lamp bulb. We had the lamp on for about 30 seconds before we noticed it."
Better to have the house smell like burnt paper than not to have a house at all. You know it's not the kid who's going to pay for the damages despite it being their fault.
The Kid Who Took The Toilet Paper For A Swim
"My wife got a new toilet roll out and left it on a footstool. When my kids went to brush their teeth they took the stool, and my 2yo daughter threw the roll into the toilet."
It's not like we're in the middle of a pandemic and toilet paper is a sacred resource or anything. Priorities are in check here.
The Kid Who Commerorated Her First Word Forever
"My daughter learned how to write her first word and etched it into my dad's chair that's been in the family for years."
Obviously, she thought her first word was of more value and needed to be commemorated on a worthy location forever. Praise her confidence.
The Kid Who Wanted All Her Dolls To Feel Pretty
"My daughter used markers to put 'makeup' on her dolls. I tried to wash them. Cinderella had an especially rough night."
At least she didn't take her mom's expensive makeup and use that instead. Markers and dolls are way cheaper to replace.
The Kid Who Washed The Cat With Toothpaste
"Woke up at 7 a.m. to find my cat covered in toothpaste. Yay toddlers!"
This could've been way worse. Now the cat will smell minty fresh! Beats the litter box smell they usually carry around.
The Kid Who Decapitated His Friends
"Gave my kids my old Toy Story toys from when I was little, only to find them this morning like this."
What did Buzz Lightyear ever do to deserve this? This is exactly what all the Toy Story characters were afraid of.
The Kid Who Decided His Mom Didn't Need Teeth
"My 11-month-old son just hit me in the face with his toy and broke my tooth in half."
Let's hope she had good dental insurance because that is not a good look. Not only does it make a dent in her teeth, but it will surely make a dent in her wallet to fix it.
The Kid Who Tried To Make His Own Dinner
"My kid microwaved a Cup-Noodle. Without water. Plastic wrap still on it. For many minutes."
Kudos to this kid for trying to be self-reliant and making his own meal. However, if you're going to do it, it doesn't hurt to read the instructions first.
The Kid Who Made A White Car His Canvas
Why settle for a boring plain white car, when you can stand out on any road with these colorful designs? People pay thousands for custom-made car designs...this one was free of charge.
The Kid Who Doesn't Understand How Batteries Work
"Got home from work to find out my son threw a AA battery at the TV."
I just can't seem to understand why? Was it in the heat of a moment of frustration at his Playstation? Or did he genuinely not understand that batteries don't operate a TV?
The Mom Who Was Required To Multi-Task
"Making my son's lunch and trying to make dinner at the same time. Turned on the wrong burner."
We're just going to blame this on the kid too because if it weren't for him, she wouldn't have needed to turn two burners on at the same time.
The Kid Who Broke His Mom's Favorite Platter
"My kid broke the only platter I have that I can't easily replace. It came from Disney World for my son's 5th bday. I loved it so much, I used it all the time."
They will find out what items you treasure most and they will destroy them. Consider that your warning.
The Kid Who's About To Learn How To Vaccuum
"Toddler pulled the cat feeder down. I just filled it last night."
I don't care how old this toddler is—someone needs to teach them how to vacuum now. Or at least sweep. They're going to be finding cat food for months in the most random places now.
The Kid Who Let The Hamster Roam Free
"My son's hamster escaped his habitat only to jump into and chew through my other son’s new shoe."
It does, however, make for a neat ventilation port, that could inspire a new running shoe design. Someone get Nike on the line.
The Kid Who Can't Go Unsupervised
"My 3-year-old son smeared acrylic paint all over his room and the house because I thought it would be 'OK' to not watch him for 10 minutes while I took a phone call."
Don't ever doubt that kids will maximize on every single second of freedom the second they realize they're alone to raise havoc.
The Kid Who Created A DIY Hiding Spot
"My son made a place to hide his video games for after bedtime."
Did he think that no one would notice that there's a giant hole in the wall and inspect what's in it? This plan was clearly not well thought out, but it gets an A for effort.
The Kid Who Will Leave His Mess For You To Discover At The Most Inconvenient Time
"My son left his coke in the freezer. I was late to work before I discovered this too."
If I were the mom, I'd close that freezer door back up and pretend I didn't see it till I had the time to make the kid clean it all up in front of me. Fair is fair.
The Kid Who Might As Well Throw Money Directly In The Trash
"My three-year-old son found my wallet when I was cooking during arts and crafts time."
This is probably what the emoji with the money flying away with wings was based on. Goodbye, 20 dollars!
The Kid Who Threw The Phone In The Toilet
"We found my wife's phone in the toilet yesterday. We weren’t sure which of our three kids put it there...until my wife scrolled through her pictures today."
The best part of the story is that the kid went on like nothing ever happened, completely unaware that incriminating evidence would be found.
The Kid Who Almost Choked His Parent
"I was about to take a sip of my tea, heard jingling, dumped it out to find that my toddler had stored his treasure in there..."
Although that was a good hiding spot on the kid's part, imagine what would have happened if the parent unknowingly took a giant gulp...
The Kid Who Ruined Ice Cream
"My son specifically requested the chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Clearly, I'm raising a monster."
It sounds like his only intention then was to ruin the ice cream experience for the rest of the family and leave them with only the worst flavor of all...vanilla.
The Kid Who Might As Well Be The Grinch Of Birthdays
"I made a cake for my little brother's 18th bday, and my six-year-old sister scraped all the tops off with her finger and ate them."
Everyone knows the toppings are the best part of the cake, so this is just selfish. Guess who no longer deserves a cake on their seventh birthday?
The Kid Who Still Believes In Magic
"My two-year-old son was playing with his Harry Potter wand. Come home from a long day of work to find out numb nuts abracadabra'd the heck out the TV."
This kid is about to learn the hard way that magic doesn't really exist. Might as well break the news to him about Santa and the Tooth Fairy while we're at it.
The Kid Who Gave The Car Some "Artwork"
At least when a toddler paints something, you can wash it off, but key carvings are there to stay forever. Consider this a souvenir from the six-year-old that you can hold close to your heart until the day she's old enough to buy you a new car.
The Kid Who Wasn't Satisfied With White Paint
"Just finished painting my kids' playroom yesterday."
Clearly, no one asked the toddler's opinion for what he wanted the walls of his playroom to look like, so he had to take matters into his own hands and redesign it himself.
The Kid Who Got Rid Of The Ceiling
"My son left the bathroom tap running with the plug in the day before our landlord's house inspection. Bye-bye deposit."
Not only do they no longer have a ceiling, and the risk of one wrong move in the bathroom causing someone to go through the floor, but the kid's timing was impeccable, as it always is, for the landlord to see as well.
The Kid Who Only Learns From Experience
"After telling the kids half a million times to settle down, one of them put an arm through the window (he's OK, somehow). Oh, and the power is out and it's cold."
Sounds like it's time to live in the Stone Age again and gather around the fire in warm blankets to warm up and calm down.
The Kid Who Doesn't "See" A Need For Sight
"My son stuck his finger in my eye and scratched off the whole top layer of my cornea."
How rough did he have to scratch to rip off an entire layer? This is very concerning. I would just make the kid wear gloves for the foreseeable future.
The Kid Who Conveniently Broke His Brother's Present
"My son dropped an electric can opener on his brother's brand new iPad that he'd gotten for his birthday."
What are the odds that this was truly a tragic accident and not an act of vengeance because his brother got on the iPad and he didn't? Jealousy can bring out our worst side.
The Snake That Almost Took Out A Kid
"Always check your shoes and kids' yard toys before using them."
Sometimes, kids just make life difficult by existing because that means you are now responsible for another human's life who is at risk all the time. Such as by being bitten by a deadly snake hiding in their toys
The Kid Who Can't Handle Consequences
"I locked my son's phone, laptop, controllers and the family TV remote away because of bad behavior. He tried to break into it and now I can't fit anything in to unlock it. I'd just started season 7 of Brooklyn 99."
On the bright side, he just extended his own punishment. On the downside, it looks like no one will be able to watch TV for a while. So much for Brooklyn 99.
The Kid Who Loves To Make A Mess
"My baby brother and a neighbor kid got into my room when I was making dinner and I thought they were outside... this is just a fraction of what happened..."
Given the fact that this is the older sibling's room, these must have been valuable memorabilia that the kids mistook for toys and completely took apart, ruining their value in the process.
The Kid Who Now Owes Three Cars
"Came home from a nice socially distanced night out with friends to find out a kid driving his dad's car crashed into my neighbor’s car causing the neighbor’s car to total my girlfriend's."
Forget about putting away money for college for them. That money is now going towards replacing not one but the three cars he managed to crash at once.
The Kid Who's The Reason You Can't Have Anything Nice
"Put them in oven on purpose to hide them from kids. Forgot about them."
The smart way to go about this is to give the kids fake or broken controllers and make them believe those are theirs to play with.
The Kid Who Could Be The Next Picasso
"So my four-year-old nephew asked me to draw him Harry Potter, he then excitedly shouted 'I'll do the legs!'"
No spell can fix this. Harry Potter will just have to live without a torso and arms in this realm.
The Kid Who Tries To Fit Where He Shouldn't
"That time he figured out how to take the lid off of the vent, and proceeded to get stuck in it."
Really, it's the parents that won this round. They figured the kid could wait while they snapped a picture so they could blackmail him with this reminder for the rest of his life.