People Whose Families I Don’t Want To Be A Part Of
There's a saying that goes "You can't choose your family," and while you certainly can't choose the family you're born into, you can absolutely make fun of them.
From dysfunctional but humorous families to relatives who are trashier than a city landfill in August, these people will probably make you feel better about your own family.
"Life In Plastic, It's Fantastic"
“My younger brother, who moves out in 2 weeks, tried to make a pizza”.
This Redditor’s brother learned that plastic cutting boards and 350-degree ovens do not mix. Unfortunately for him, he learned that lesson a tad too late. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Italians crying.
"Where's You're Doobies"
There's nothing worse than an angry parent telling you to "come home right now!", especially after you haven't done anything wrong. Unfortunately for this kid, the Doobie Police were out on patrol tonight.
I don't know what's worse here, that she doesn't believe her kid isn't smoking drugs, or can't tell the difference between "your" and "you're."
That's A Wedding Gown
When it comes to families, mothers-in-law usually have the worst reputation, and that's usually for a reason. I can't even imagine how the poor bride must have felt when her new mother-in-law showed up to her wedding in a wedding dress.
Ah yes, Susan looks absolutely stunning in her attempt to upstage her own son's wedding.
Birthday Party Poses
Imagine thinking that—even at a child's birthday party—you still need to be the center of attention. Is that woman his aunt? Sister? Mother? A random woman who stumbled into the party because she wanted free cake?
We're not sure, but I feel like this is also the exact same type of woman who'd wear a white dress to someone else's wedding.
Law And (Dis)order
There's something special about waiting at the county jail waiting to be processed that makes a person think, "This would be a great time to take a selfie...with bunny ears!"
If she were my sister, she definitely wouldn't be getting any bail money from me.
Somebody Buy This Kid An Actual Toy
"My little brother grabbing live wasps because 'it's fun.'"
Just think—when you're at home minding your own business, a big spider will crawl on your bedroom wall, or a menacing wasp will buzz near your head, and you know this little bugger is going to be responsible. All in the name of "fun."
Shiver Me Timbers
"My wife recently booked us a pirate room to celebrate our anniversary…"
While it might be the pirates' life for this sea-shanty-loving wife, I feel like I'd need several bottles of rum to handle this couple's shenanigans.
Cappuccino Or Latte?
So many of this Twitter user's relatives have been arrested that he decided to turn each of their mugshot photos into decorative espresso mugs.
Looks like this family is single-handedly keeping the town's corrections department employed.
When You Realize You're No Longer The Favorite
This was the look one little girl gave as she was introduced to her baby sister, and it seems like these two have quite a bit of warming up to do.
That look right there is the look of love - a love of being the only (and therefore favorite) child.
"I'm A Barbie Girl, In A Barbie World"
"My daughter had my wife's phone on a long car ride. She ordered all the Barbie dream houses from Amazon."
While this girl is clearly an evil mastermind in the making, we definitely wouldn't want to be in this house when the dad opens up his credit card statement and see's how much his daughter's impulse shopping cost him.
Just Remember, Daddy Loves You
This proud papa couldn't help but joyfully snap a photo of his big catch-of-the-day. Now, if only the same could be said of him celebrating his daughter's 23rd birthday.
Now just remember, daddy loves you, but not as much as his fish. I hope at the very least he got her a car or something for her birthday.
Missing Persons
This woman explains that she moved out of her mother's house a couple of years ago. But that doesn't mean this mom (who's nuttier than a pecan pie, by the way) is ready to cut the umbilical cord.
At this point, it's probably safer for this woman to change her name and flee to Mexico than deal with her mom.
A Trip To The Dentist
In celebration of his 8th birthday, this little boy wanted to spend his special day at his favorite place. No, it's not the zoo, the arcade, or a friend's house, but the dentist.
Somebody, please take Little Johnny to Disney World next year. Or get him a puppy.
Toilet Paper Terror
This Redditor describes their family as "psychos" and after seeing how they use rolls of toilet paper, it's not hard to see why.
I think my intestines just recoiled at the sight of this image.
Welcome Home
Imagine landing at the airport, excited to see your family again, when you enter the arrivals zone and see your beloved husband and children holding these signs. Now everyone thinks you're a convicted felon.
I'd probably turn right around and a hop a plane outta there.
Canine Karen
Women love their fluffy four-legged friends and love to assume the role of doting dog mom or cat mom. But seeing how this woman treated a hungry stray dog, we bet no one wants to be related to this canine Karen.
This Redditor was on the fifth floor of their building and couldn't say anything when they realized that the food that had been left out for a stray dog was being eaten by this woman's dog instead.
Gather Around
The bigger the family, the harder it is to squeeze everyone in for a family photo. Luckily this family had an ingenious way to include everyone—all at the expense of this one woman.
Not only is she the reluctant photographer, but she's not even actually in the photo, just her reflection is. I know one family that isn't getting any Christmas presents this year.
Branded And Barcoded
People get tattoos in order to showcase their interests and personalities. This Redditor explains however that this is the tattoo his father's third wife got for him, and if I was this Redditor, I'd want to "nope" out of this family tree as fast as humanly possible.
In addition to the giant barcode is the message "Forever his property of Ryan". Much like his previous two marriages, this one probably isn't going to last.
Candle Chaos
While trying to problem solve a technical issue Google and Facebook were experiencing, this dad was absolutely oblivious to the fact that a burning candle was melting his laptop.
I (or my electronics) definitely wouldn't want to be in the vicinity of someone who thinks laptops make great firewood, and if he thought his laptop was experiencing technical problems before, they're about to get much worse.
Family Photographs
This Redditor explains that a family photo album full of black and white and modern photos was found torn in half and dumped in a dirty alley.
We'd hate to be related to the person who destroyed an album full of precious family memories.
A Real-Life Bratz Doll
I used to play with Barbies and Bratz dolls as a little girl, but never did I think that I'd see one in real life.
If this woman ever went missing and the police needed a photo of her to circulate around, would her family hand them her photograph or a Bratz doll?
Prince Charming
A Redditor was on their college campus one day when this man caused a scene by holding up a misogynistic sign and appearing to point directly at the Redditor.
Why is he so angry? We guarantee that the last time he even touched a woman was when his mother gave birth to him, and we feel bad for his female relatives. But while he wallows in his victimhood, give me a minute to break out my tiny violin.
The Dastardly Dishwasher
No one likes being saddled with dish duty, but for this Redditor, the way his wife loads the dishwasher is both infuriating and disgusting.
The word "dishwasher" begins with the letter D, and do you know what other word does too? Divorce.
It's A Boy!
Gender reveals are a trend that has caught on in recent years, but if you've ever tuned into the news, you'd know that from litter to explosions, they're often not as joyous as they're intended to be.
Little does this bouncing baby boy know, but he's about to be born into a family of litterbugs, and if this is how they leave public beaches, I can only imagine what their own house looks like.
Trouble With Toiletries
"Moved in with my Brother and Fiancé. I think they might be monsters".
You can't really know a person until you've lived with them for awhile, and we bet this person is probably regretting their "Come live with us!" invitation right about now.
Microwave Mayhem
TikTok is filled with a vast amount of trends and proclaimed "life hacks". While some of them are interesting or funny, many others are dangerous and just downright stupid, and this one is definitely the latter.
This Redditor's little sister saw a trend that involved Starbursts and let's just say the only thing that "burst" was the microwave. Now they're off to Walmart to purchase a new microwave.
An App-etite For Chaos
"My cousin reset my mom's phone and installed over 100 apps to cover it up".
Ah yes, I'm sure the mom won't notice that her phone has been tampered with, especially when she sees the Tinder and Bumble apps! Now if we let her husband see those apps, grab some popcorn, and we've got a show.
You're Not The Father
Remember the last photo? Sometimes messing with a person's cell phone without their consent can yield unfortunate outcomes, and this is definitely one of those times.
This Redditor was snooping through their dad's phone when they came across a text message from their mom which said their dad might not actually be their biological father. That is one family reunion I definitely wouldn't want to attend.
Fire In The Hole!
"Last Friday Maddie ate a piece of my dad's birthday cake. Today she ate a good portion of three habanero peppers and an entire small mystery hot pepper. I checked with the vet and have been warned (in between fits of her laughter) that tonight is going to be BAD."
Pets are a beloved member of our families, but for this family's sake, I hope they have nose plugs and air fresheners on standby.
And Lastly
Here is a reminder to you soccer moms and hockey dads: When you go to your child's sporting events, remember to keep it civil. I can only imagine how humiliating it is for your kid to see their parent go full Karen during a game.
Your kid isn't Michael Phelps, calm down.
