Being a mom is a thankless job. After hours of managing tantrums, changing diapers, making school lunches, helping with homework, and dealing with teenage mood swings, you only get more problems tossed your way.
No one quite understands the struggle except for other moms. Here are some things that will have every mom saying “Ughm, SAME.”
The Lack Of Social Skills
Having to drop a number two in a public washroom is already embarrassing and awkward enough without having your small human announce it to the entire population of a Walmart bathroom.
Sometimes, They Are Too Honest
You’re busy just trying to juggle meals, playdates, soccer practice, and your job, and, just when you’re feeling the most burned-out, your child will tell you that your foods suck and that you look like a zombie.
One Small Mistake And Now She’s Crying in the Restaurant
While out at a Chinese restaurant, this family was looking at the Chinese zodiac on the menu. However, this mom made the dire error of telling her horse-loving daughter that she was born in the year of the monkey.
“I Can’t Imagine Where It Went!”
If your child stole your youth and energy, I believe it’s fair game to steal their chocolate every once in a while. I mean, you just need to find a “chocolate-eating monster from the closet” the frame for the crime.
Count The Spider-Men
I don’t know what’s funnier: the fact this child passed out in the middle of playtime face down on the floor, or the fact that he has three separate Spider-Men with him.
The Kid Drives A Hard Bargain
If you’re wondering what the nutritional value of a dill pickle is, it’s merely a lot of sodium and maybe 10 calories worth of energy. The kid might be able to get by with 14 pickles.
Kids’ Uniqueness Can Be A Lot Of Work
On Halloween, you hope that your child might pick an easy costume, like a princess or an Avenger, so that you can just buy it one day on the way home from work. The unique ones will have you spending hours trying to make a Tide Pod costume.
Hey Buddy, You Still Have To Love Karate
As a child, I never really thought about how difficult it was for my parents to keep up with my changing passions in life: hockey, football, soccer, and chess. I know with even more certainty now that they were saints.
It’s More Like A Person Compost Bin
Does her daughter think that new people are made by planting older ones and waiting for them to grow a couple of new babies on a vine? Honestly, that would make a pretty cool sci-fi novel.
Rough Night Out For The Princesses
One little girl took it upon herself to give her princess dolls makeovers using her mother’s makeup. Her mom tried very hard to clean them, but they all still look like they’re nursing bad hangovers.
You Don’t Have To Do This, Pal
In a home, is there anything more threatening and dangerous than a toddler with an uncapped permanent marker waving it around carelessly? I’d rather try to negotiate with a bank robber—at least they’re mostly rational.
Get Those Steps In!
Honestly, though, has any child (or husband, for that matter) ever remembered to turn off the light when they leave a room? If anyone has photographic proof, please let me know.
Not A Single Moment Of Peace
While staying in an Airbnb with her family, this mom simply wanted to go to the washroom in peace. However, when she looked up, she saw her toddler doing this against the bathroom door.
Why Are You Telling Me This Now?
I genuinely think that all children are programmed to never remember to let you know about something essential that they forgot to bring with them. You won’t find out they don’t have their backpacks until they’re already in the classroom.
This Is The Exact Opposite Of What She Wanted
This mom took her daughter to the beaches on the coastline to play in the water and also scour the shoreline for washed-up shark teeth. Her daughter said she found teeth excitedly before dumping this into her hand.
Here’s To The Bare Minimum
Listen: I barely have enough time in my regular life to do things like, I don’t know, breathe, so you can bet I’ll do anything humanly possible to avoid making brownies for my kid’s class.
I Hate Paw Patrol With My Whole Heart
I kind of respect children’s ability to pick one television show or movie and unwaveringly commit to that one thing day after day for hours on repeat for multiple months in a row.
You’ll think that, even just briefly, you can enjoy a moment of peace when you have to go to the washroom. Then you flip open the lid of the toilet and get this awful surprise.
Please Give Me A Heads-Up
Nothing would annoy me more than having the world end after I had just finished washing, drying, and folding a full day’s worth of laundry. The only this worse would be if I cleaned.
I Feel Like It Should Be Easier
My kid will literally be unable to keep his head upright and can’t walk on his own so he demands to be carried, yet putting him to sleep is still a long affair? It should be illegal.
…Then They Sleep In The Most Inconvenient Places
After fighting you about going to bed the night before for over an hour, they have the audacity to pass out on top of the frozen pizza while you’re just trying to get groceries.
Time To Start Taking Lessons From The Pets
If only I had trained my kids from a young age to expect me to run away from them when they come up to me. Then their dad could bear the burdens of wet beds.
Perfection Is Overrated
You know those perfect moms who walk into the PTA, volunteer for field trips, and bake lots of cookies for every occasion? I just know they are miserable deep down.
RIP To The Baby’s Energy
Much like murder victims, toddlers and babies have a nasty knack for keeling over onto the ground in peculiar positions. If anything, children deserve the chalk outline even more than the bodies.
Batman Is Just More Effective
It’s nice to think that being the fun, happy mom will encourage the kids to get themselves together, but in reality, they need the rough threat of a Gotham vigilante.
Her Audacity Is Alarming
You’ll go through months of mood swings, swollen feet, weird cravings, and growing to be enormous, and your child will still have the nerve to talk back at you for merely existing.
Perhaps Not The Happiest Of Reads
The book might seem harmless enough based on the drawings, but it definitely is a little hard to take in that all dinosaurs are dead at the ripe age of two.
We Are Peak Hypocrites
The amount of advice I have given to other young people and my own children that I never even tried to follow myself is nuts. I can’t wait to tell my kids I’m a phony when they’re old enough.
If Only Children Had Mute Buttons…
Never tell yourself that things cannot get worse than they are, because children will find a way to bring you to a new rock bottom of annoyance—it’s their main talent.
There’s No Winning
On the one hand, if your children are quiet, it means that you can enjoy a moment of silence. On the other hand, it means they can be doing something even more evil than usual.
Can I Put It With The Luggage?
Flying with a child is the absolute worst because you know that everyone else on the flight hates you. And, honestly? You kind of hate yourself for bringing such a noisy little monster on board.
They Always Need The Haircut
My son’s hair could be so long that it’s perpetually in his eyes, he can’t really see anymore, and the knots are starting to form little dreadlocks, and he’d still insist that a haircut isn’t necessary.
Sharing Is Caring!
With two kids, they’ll go to the most extreme measures to make sure everything is equally distributed between them, right down to the very last M&M. Just wait until they start measuring which is the “bigger” half with a ruler.
She Really Thinks Quickly On Her Toes
Obviously, you can’t let kids eat pie for breakfast even if you’re doing it yourself, so you have to come up with a way to trick them into hating the idea of it.
It’s A Pretty Good Argument On His Part
You’ll ask your kid to do the simplest thing and they’ll find a loophole to argue their way out of it. I truly miss the days when my kids could not speak.
This Is Parenthood In A Nutshell
The reality is that your kids, no matter how much they love you, often fail to see you as a real person with feelings and an existence outside of them.
The Correct Answer Is Both
On one hand, she has a kid with psychopathic tendencies who would lock her out of her room for fun. On the other, she has a kid who knows how to pick locks for probably a nefarious reason.
Kids Learn Pettiness Early
Your kids grow up learning from your actions and trying to mirror you, so I just know that I’m going to raise a bunch of petty, sassy mini-me’s who only know how to talk back. I guess it’s karma.
You Just Slowly Give Up
When you’re pregnant with the first kid, you look at all the best practices for raising children, read every parenting book, and swear you’ll be a super mom. That all falls apart very quickly.
The Breakfast Of Champions
The reality is that being a mom is a high-stress, low-reward job that takes up much of your time without so much as a “thank you.” Sometimes, a Xanax would be nice.