30 Times Kids Ruthlessly Roasted Adults By Accident

Kids are wonderful, innocent creatures who haven't quite learned to navigate the ways of the world: they are inherently trusting, they get along with just about any other kid they meet, and they are inclined to believe in magic.

However, they also need to learn that honesty isn't always the best policy, which means they can deliver some wicked insults without even knowing it. These are some adults who got burned so hard by their unwitting kids that they needed aloe to recover.

The Duality Of Woman

kid in my son's class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has
Photo Credit: Twitter / @aubreyhirsch
Photo Credit: Twitter / @aubreyhirsch

I understand that makeup can make your face look slightly enhanced, but to look so different that a child thinks you're a totally different person? That's a hard pill to swallow.

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Felt Like A Roundhouse Kick To The Face

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This is definitely better than when a kid my son's Taekwondo class casked me if I was his mom or his grandma. TWICE. I am 41 and have exactly ONE gray hair
Photo Credit: Twitter / @theeisforerin
Photo Credit: Twitter / @theeisforerin
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If this happened to me once, let alone twice, you could bet that my frail ego would run to a cosmetics store and go bankrupt buying every single anti-aging product on the shelf.

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Was That Tidbit Of Information Really Necessary?

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my son put a picture of my husband and me on a date night on his
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sawoodard22
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Sawoodard22
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Kids will forget the important details 80% of the time, but they will never fail to add in a minute, unnecessary piece of information that humiliates you when talking to strangers!

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Suddenly, I Wish I Had Used Birth Control

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I will never forget the day my young son asked, while looking at our wedding photo
Photo Credit: Twitter / @UllaMeredith
Photo Credit: Twitter / @UllaMeredith
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Kids will really see that you're married to their father and that you're their parent and still not put two and two together, instead opting to ask a question like this and derail your self-esteem.

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He Has No Sense Of Judgment Whatsoever

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I was watching late night tv with my then 3yr old son who wouldn't sleep. He pointed at the first guest, Kim Kardashian., and said:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @blue_chelley
Photo Credit: Twitter / @blue_chelley
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If it had been one or the other, it could be plausible, but not both. I think it's time for this mother to consider taking her son to the optometrist, because he clearly is struggling with his eyesight.

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"From Now On, We're Playing The Silent Game, Sweetie!"

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My daughter looked at me adoringly and said:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @EhrlichLara
Photo Credit: Twitter / @EhrlichLara
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The worst thing about a kid roasting you is that they have no idea that they're doing it in the first place. She probably really does love the chins, even if you don't.

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It Really Just Do Be Like That Sometimes

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I dropped my son off the other day and was walking back through the school and a 5th grader looked at me and asked
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kaitlinmcglone
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kaitlinmcglone
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I wish I could always be put-together with a great outfit and my hair done well, but the reality is that some days I cannot make myself wear anything other than pajama pants.

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She's An Impostor!

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The day after my wedding, my niece (4) refused to believe I was the same person who married her uncle the night before.
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Betsyberman
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Betsyberman
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On one hand, I have to give it up for this extra-vigilant niece who refuses to let an impostor try to steal the place of her uncle's new bride. On the other hand, RUDE.

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Stranger Danger!

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I left early one morning, before my four-year-old woke, to go one a job interview. On the way home a stopped for groceries. The door at home was locked and my hands were full so I rang the doorbell. My kid peaks ou the window and yells
Photo Credit: Twitter / @elphaba_wins
Photo Credit: Twitter / @elphaba_wins
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Can you imagine having your son—who you spent nine months building inside your body, who you went through painful labor for and have since cared for their whole life—refer to you as "some lady"?

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I Can't Believe She Didn't Go Full Joker On Him

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My sister got a full face of makeup done for an event and my nephew said she looked beautiful like a clown
Photo Credit: Twitter / @solaana
Photo Credit: Twitter / @solaana
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Women love having a big occasion to look forward to, not for the event itself, but because it means that they get to feel beautiful with their hair and makeup done. Anyone who destroys that joy will face consequences.

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Congratulations! You Have The Voice Of A Robot!

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my friend's five-year-old told me this week that she
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bethnew
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bethnew
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No one likes the sound of their own voice—at least, no sane people do. I literally flinch when I have to hear a recording of myself. However, I have at least never been mimicked so horrifically.

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...And He Has Now Been Put Up For Adoption

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My son once looked at a picture of me with makeup and said
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_CFierroLopez_
Photo Credit: Twitter / @_CFierroLopez_
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I would like to personally tell this woman that she is not completely unrecognizable without makeup but that her son is, in fact, the absolute worst and she should trade him in for a newer model.

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Wow, You Have Raised A Sociopath

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after finding out his grandma died from old age, 5-year-old son tells dad
Photo Credit: Twitter / @twrobertsil
Photo Credit: Twitter / @twrobertsil
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The death of a loved one can be a hard concept for a young child to process, especially when it is the first death they've been personally tied to. This kid, however, was ready to give his father an existential crisis.

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As Opposed To The "Fake" Mom I've Been This Whole Time?

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When I got dressed up for my son's baptism, my daughter told me I looked like a real mum
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lipbalmy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lipbalmy
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I guess if I haven't been a "real mum" this whole time, I might as well start putting fake plastic food into the kids' lunches and only letting them play with "fake" toys.

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No Mother Left Unscathed

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My daughter's friend once asked why I put basketballs in my bra, and when I told her those things are called breasts, she said
Photo Credit: Twitter / @starsih
Photo Credit: Twitter / @starsih
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There's no hiding that pregnancy and childbirth really do a number on your body—especially your chest. I don't know if I feel worse for this woman who apparently looks "fake" or for the girl's actual mother.

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I Don't Even Understand The Logic Behind This

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my grandmother, 90-years-old, had a beautiful photo of herself taken in the 1940s on her wall. Little rosemary, 5-years-old, asked her who it was. Grandmother said,
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Desha7
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Desha7
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I would like to see a side-by-side comparison of the photo, because I cannot fathom how a difference in appearance due to natural aging could make someone look like they had a head transplant.

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Maury, This Is Not My Father

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When I was really little, my dad shaved his mustache off and I began bawling and refused to believe he was the same person
Photo Credit: Twitter / @faunzfaunzfaunz
Photo Credit: Twitter / @faunzfaunzfaunz
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Facial hair is like makeup for the average man: It can really change the way people see you. Better hope growing the mustache back out can get you into your daughter's good books again!

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It's Literally Just A Touch Of Mascara!

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I'm a teacher and didn't put on eye makeup last week for the first time ever. I had students legit not recognize me, despite my blaze of red curly hair. One kid:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @andeesings
Photo Credit: Twitter / @andeesings
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Teachers are so brave and I could never do what they do. Imagine having to keep control of a group of small humans who don't know how to do math and also have no filter—couldn't be me.

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...And I'll Eat You Too If You Don't Be Quiet

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Person one: son, looking at some photos of me from 25 years ago:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kueblerwolf / @doritos4dinner
Photo Credit: Twitter / @kueblerwolf / @doritos4dinner
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Becoming a parent means that you have to devour and repress the past version of yourself who was young, beautiful, and wild in order to shoulder the responsibility of raising children.

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She's Trying So Hard To Figure It Out

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My daughter has two mums (Mummy and Mama) and sometimes talks about her
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BitterSappho
Photo Credit: Twitter / @BitterSappho
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Hair length/style is one of the first things we notice about a person, so I can understand this girl's initial confusion. It's the fact that she still believes that she has a third mom that's shocking.

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Do You Think I Only Shower Before Events?

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When my kid sees that I've had a shower:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ValerieQ
Photo Credit: Twitter / @ValerieQ
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I will admit that having somewhere I need to be is often a prompt for me to take a shower, but I hope my kids realize that I do shower on a daily basis.

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Garrett's Mom Has Got It Going On

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My son was about 10 and had some friends over playing basketball—one I didn't know. He looked me up and down assessing me, and said,
Photo Credit: Twitter / @woodsinkcom
Photo Credit: Twitter / @woodsinkcom
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It's not that you want a bunch of 10-year-old boys to think that you're hot, because that would be weird, but it's still kind of upsetting to realize that they think Garrett's mom is hot but not you.

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She Is An Untrustworthy Source

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My niece used to hold my face in her little 3-year-old hands and tell me I was pretty. Then we watched Wizard Of Oz and the green witch came on and she jumped up in delight yelling
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Fes_toy
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Fes_toy
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I understand that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that jazz, but I would still be deeply upset if someone insinuated that I look like the Wicked Witch of the West!

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Of All The Adjectives I Want To Hear, Squishy Isn't One

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My four-year-old once leaned into my upper arm and sighed
Photo Credit: Twitter / @doritos4ever
Photo Credit: Twitter / @doritos4ever
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From here on out, here is a complete list of descriptive words that people can use in reference to me: intelligent, confident, beautiful, hot, understanding, interesting, and definitely not squishy.

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Even Dads Get Roasted For The Wedding Photos

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My husband had long hair when we married (hair metal days). my son showed our wedding pic to a friend and said
Photo Credit: Twitter / @samcross47
Photo Credit: Twitter / @samcross47
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In this child's defense, I once asked my mom who the guy in her wedding photos was because my father had hair in the pictures but had been bald since my birth.

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"Am I Really That Awful For You?"

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my son told me when he was in the 6th grade that his new best friend had two moms. He thought it was a fate worse than death. He said:
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JujuHook
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JujuHook
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The hardest part of being a parent is when you have to lay down the law and be the bad guy to your kids, but you always hope that the good outweighs the negative. Apparently not.

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Someone Put A Muzzle On Your Kid!

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I have short and and was wearing a skirt. A little girl in my daughter's preschool class asked if I was a boy or a girl
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bbmiller372
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bbmiller372
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The best piece of advice that a Disney movie has ever given is in Bambi when Thumper's mom tells him, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

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Hello, It Me

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One year at Passover, my (now) husband's aunt told me I was prettier that the girl he brought last year. You, I was the girl he brought last year
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Jamie_Beth_S
Photo Credit: Twitter / @Jamie_Beth_S
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I don't know whether to interpret this as a compliment or an insult. In a way, the aunt is saying that she looks really beautiful now, even if she was really ugly a year ago.

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How Old Do I Look To You?

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Not the same but still humiliating: Woman cutting my boyfriend's hair at the mall asked if I was his MOTHER. I was 24!
Photo Credit: Twitter / @pollybergen
Photo Credit: Twitter / @pollybergen
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I've had someone ask me if I was excited about menopause coming up and if I was getting my hair done for prom within the same day before, and now I have no concept of how old I look.

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Just Me, The One And Only

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The saleswoman at my mum's memory care believed she had 2 daughters for MONTHS. No. She only has me
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lanelese
Photo Credit: Twitter / @lanelese
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Is this one of those Jekyll and Hyde style things, where one persona and look is so different from the other that a person could feasibly believe it was two separate people? Or is the saleswoman just rude?