We’re probably all guilty of telling our kids white lies, either to avoid a headache or to genuinely save them some heartache. No one wants to tell their kid a pet died or that Santa isn’t real, but the truth always comes out!
These people shared their stories when Reddit user deft_chemist shared his own story and asked which of their parents’ lies backfired in a big way.
The Cat Got Meaner All The Sudden For Some Reason
“Ten years ago, our family cat had to have an operation and came back a much meaner cat. Yesterday, my mom revealed to me the cat had died during surgery and they had gotten an almost identical new one and never told us.” – deft_chemist
Cats tend to have distinctive features, especially when you see it every day, so it’s impressive that the kids never noticed.
Santa Was On The Naughty List That Year
“When I was really young, my dad ran over our dog Bruno on Christmas Eve and told us that Santa had run him over with his sleigh.
“For years, I believed Santa had accidentally killed our dog. Not sure how that was supposed to make things better. He could have said Bruno was adopted as a reindeer or something, not dead.” – jessicajo.
Blaming poor Saint Nick has to be some kind of wrong…
What’s A Hamster’s Life Span Again?
“My mum replaced my Russian dwarf hamster Pocahontas about 5 times before finally she got fed up with it. I didn’t find out she’d been replacing my hamster until a couple of years ago when some asked me how long hamsters live for and I said about 10 years and she laughed and then told me. ”
For the record, they only live about three years.
Good Way To Avoid Car Troubles
“When I got my car at 16, my dad told me that if I ever ran out of gas, the mechanic would have to reprogram my car’s computer and it would cost me over $1000.
“I made sure to keep the tank at least 1/4 full of gas because I didn’t want to have to pay that money to get it fixed. It probably kept me from getting stranded out in the middle of nowhere.” – furgenhurgen
Why Did Ringo Starr Stop Being Mr. Conductor?
“My father told me Ringo Starr had to stop being Mr. Conductor on Shining Time Station because he lost his accent and was so embarrassed he would no longer appear in public.” – liirko
Although that story seems way better, on the actual show, they explained that he had to go back to the North Pole. His cousin, George Carlin’s Mr. Conductor, came to take his place.
This Is How False Information Spreads
Imagine the poor kid trying to convince his friend of this: “One day, I’m assuming a dog got into the cage and ripped one of the rabbits to shreds. I remember vividly watching my Dad picking up the rabbit pieces with a dustpan, in the yard. When I asked my Dad what had happened to ‘Patches,’ he said he got a disease.
“For many years after, I thought rabbits could get diseases that made them spontaneously explode.” – jonosvision
Ice Cream Truck Or Ambulance?
“My mother told me told me the ice cream truck music was an ambulance siren.”- ciano10
This lie could work if the sound is far away, but what happens when they could see the ice cream and hear the music at the same time?
Anyone Know The Fish Doctor’s Number?
“I overfed a goldfish. Apparently, there are fish doctors. It was fine the next day…” – Zapashark
Although this goldfish was quite obviously replaced, it makes you wonder if you could actually take a goldfish to the vet? It counts as a pet animal, doesn’t it?
Wait, Santa Isn’t Real?!
“I found out Santa wasn’t real from my 4th-grade teacher when we did secret Santa in class. She started the topic off with ‘Well, we all know Santa isn’t real, so let’s do secret Santa in class!’ I cried.” -coocoocachoooo
At least the kid had a good decade-long run of believing in Santa. That’s more than most of us got.
Bonus Points For Bravery
“When I was a little kid, I was sitting in a car at a store parking lot, waiting for my dad. So I see my dad coming back, and two guys approach him, they talk for a second, and he gives them his money clip, and they just walk away. He just said that they needed it more than he did.
“Only years later did he reveal that they had a gun, and he got robbed. But it was so casual, it didn’t really look like a robbery.”
True Love Will Always Lead You Home
“I had Brutus since I was one, but we were going on vacation for the first time, and we dropped my cat Brutus off at my aunt’s farm out of town to babysit him. He ran away, and I was heartbroken.
“Four months later, Brutus showed up at the end of our street. He had a very specific birthmark. Found out later, Aunt was not babysitting and in fact, they were trying to get rid of him. Brutus did not let that happen, my parents got owned.” – mscandle
A Selfless Act Of Charity
“I used to have this huge stuffed teddy bear. My mom’s boyfriend at the time was a truck driver, and they told me he took it along for a ride with him once, to use as a pillow. He didn’t have it when he came home, and he told me that he had given it to a little homeless girl, and it had made her so happy.
“I had proudly told everyone at school about the story and even had my teachers PRAY for the little girl. My mom was just sick of the thing. She told me years later.” – britc
How Come All The Other Kids Can Still Have Ice Cream?
“When the ice cream van plays music, it means they have run out of ice cream.” – biteyoureyes
To make this work, you need to make sure the kid walks away from the truck real fast before they catch any other kids still getting ice cream and ask you why.
Don’t Rush Into Mariage
“My mom led me to believe that she had dated my dad for five years before they got married, and used to tell me several times ‘Only an idiot would marry a stranger’.
“I’m with my S.O. six months now and we are very serious about each other. The truth finally came out. Three months. He asked her to marry him within three months, and they were married before they’d been going out a year.” – IslaSorna
Made An Honest Man Out Of Him
“My sister used to tell my little brother that when you lie, blue dots will appear on your tongue. But only the person you lied to can see them. So whenever he took something from her room and lied about it, she’d say ‘stick out your tongue’ and he’d start crying and admit it.” – ghostjournals
Is it wrong to get someone to stop lying by lying to them?
Catch A Liar With A Lie
“My parents told me I clicked my tongue in my sleep so that when I pretended to be asleep I would click my tongue and they’d know I was awake.” – dgrace97
What a great way to flip the tables on the kid.
Too Young For “The Talk”
“When I was a kid the ‘Like A Virgin’ video by madonna was on TV and I asked my dad what a ‘virgin’ was and he paused and goes, ‘uh it’s some kind of lion,’ then returned to reading his newspaper. That made perfect sense to me ’cause there was a lion in the video. I thought that was true for years.” – Officer_Ketchup
I can only imagine the shock they felt when they learned the real meaning of the word.
It’s The Thought That Counts
“My birthday is July 11th, so growing up every year my dad would take me to 7/11 for a ‘birthday Slurpee on him’ & it would always count as one of my presents. I made it all the way to college before finding out about free Slurpee day… thanks Dad” – dont_tell_me_
On the bright side, that still means they can get a free Slurpee forever, even when dad is not around.
A Slow Transformation Into An Alligator
“Told my son when he’s was around 6 or 7 that his real dad was an alligator and when he grew up he would have to go live in a swamp.
“A few years later we’re having fun, being goofballs, he looks me dead in the eyes and says that he’s going to miss me when he transforms in an alligator. He had harbored it for years. I felt bad but laughed so hard. He doesn’t think he’s an alligator anymore.” – [deleted]
How To Postpone Smoking By A Few Years
“My mom always told me I was allergic to cigarette smoke. I believed her until I was a late teenager when being around it did nothing to me. Clever though, Mom.”- notcarly13
At least it probably delayed them even trying it out for a few years.
A Quick Pit Stop
“I was always told by my parents that if I was acting up in public, we would swing by Spank-a-Boy on the way home. They even told my brother and I that they had a drive-thru, so I always imagined it as something not too far off of a fast-food restaurant.” – kirbyvwright
Luckily, such a thing would never be legal in our world.
Such An Elaborate Yet Pointless Lie
“Mom accidentally bought cheese-filled chicken nuggets instead of the regular ones she normally bought. During supper, one of my siblings asked why there was cheese in the nuggets.
“Dad proceeded to tell us a story of a worker in the chicken nugget factory who was eating cheese for a snack. But he accidentally dropped it into the big chicken nugget vat! The factory didn’t want to waste the chicken nuggets, so they used it anyway and Mom just happened to buy them at the store.” – jobro4827
Quite The Coincidence
“I was told that the reason I couldn’t get my ears pierced was that I had to wait until my ears had stopped growing. Coincidentally, they stopped growing the very month I turned 13.” – screaming_buddha
I wonder if the same applies if they wanted to get piercings on other body parts. Does the navel only stop growing at 18, in that case?
“Sticking your tongue out at someone meant that you wanted to kiss them. This was to stop me from teasing my younger sister. …I got a lot of mixed signals in middle school.” – Leotix
Imagine the poor kid wondering why all their crushes walked away.
“Say ‘Parlez-Vous Français?’ And Then Kiss Them”
“I asked my dad what a ‘French kiss’ was when I was probably about 8, and he told me: ‘It’s when you say “parlez-vous français?’ and then kiss them.'” – AntlerFish
Their first kiss must have had quite the story.
“I told my kids I was 22 for almost 10 years. And they believed me right up until the day I confessed.” – bringabundt
You’re only as old as you feel at heart anyway, so technically, it’s not a lie.
Breaking The Law
“In the car during a family road trip going back home, I had the lights on to make some origami or something. I remember my dad telling me that it was illegal to have the lights on and that the cops would ticket him.
“I believed that for years after and would fumble my way in the dark in the car for whatever I needed.”- ambition07
At least it probably always saved the car’s battery!
Happy New Year!
“Except for the millennium, I apparently didn’t celebrate New Year’s at the proper time until I was 10 years old. My parents just set all the clocks forward while I was distracted so I’d go to bed earlier.” – VulpesFennekin
This is actually quite a clever way to get a young kid to still feel included in all the festivities without staying up past their bedtime.
How To Stay Away From The Police
“If I didn’t take my medicine, the police would come and carry me away.” – Mr_Shegz
Parents are basically the first kind of police a child encounters, so it doesn’t seem that bad to use another authority figure as a little motivation to push them in the right direction.
“The car won’t move until everyone’s seat belts are buckled.” – MyNewNewUserName
This would work in making sure everyone is always safe in the car. That is, until the day someone forgets and the parent gets caught in the lie!