Married People Share Advice For Unmarried People
Contrary to what Disney tells us, you've probably heard the saying that marriage is hard work, and it honestly couldn't be more true. A "happily ever after" is something that requires a lot of time, effort, and love.
User New_Presentation5105 asked, "Married people of Reddit, what [is] something you wish unmarried people knew?" Whether you're in a committed relationship or single, it's advice everyone can learn from.
Money Talks
Nothing can frustrate a relationship quite like the issue of money. For many users, having a clear framework regarding their financial situation — such as how much money each partner earns and who's responsible for paying what bills — is just good money sense.
"Finances are something you manage together. It isn't something you cede to one spouse for whatever reason. I say this as someone who had to teach my dad how to use an ATM and the online banking site after my mom died." - ConnieLingus24
Getting Married Won't Solve Your Problems
"If 2 unhappy unmarried people get married, they'll just be 2 unhappy married people." - Prossdog
For every happily married couple, there is an unhappy married one too, and users said that if an unmarried couple is having relationship problems, saying their "I do's" won't automatically fix any marital woes.
Parenthood And Children
Users said that just as getting married won't solve any marital problems, neither is the decision to have a child. In addition, it's important for couples to be on the same page early on in a relationship regarding whether or not they want to become parents.
"Buddy of mine got hitched to his GF of 8 years and she always said she didn't want kids. He’s always said he wanted kids and thought eventually she would come around and now it’s awkward." - dusty-potato-drought
Communication Is Key
When it comes to marriage or any relationship, people will always reinforce the importance of communication, and that is for good reason.
"Do not rush into marriage, and make sure you have multiple serious talks about everything (few examples: religion, family, friends, goals for near future, goals for future, plan for kids, lifestyle, housing, retirement.) The reason I say multiple talks is because people grow or change the longer they are with each other." - Jim105
Live Together Before Getting Married
Whether you're a first-time homeowner or you've found your forever home, running a successful household requires teamwork. Users said that living together before marriage will offer a valuable insight into what the other person is like to live with. From cooking dinner to doing laundry, each partner is responsible for pulling their own weight.
"Adult up. Both partners need to take in the mental load of managing the house." - ConnieLingus24
Have Separate Interests
Life isn't a joint Facebook account where spouses need to be constantly joined at the hip, and users said that while it's important to do things together as a couple, so is having separate interests.
"My wife didn't play/enjoy video games...but would still let me chill and play because it’s something I enjoy. I’m not into the cheesy romance novels she loves to read, [but] I’ll still ask her how the book is and listen when she wants to talk about it cause it’s what she likes." - Adatar410
Travel The World Together
"Go on a road trip together. Travel together before marriage. Close quarters and tough situations will give you insights into who that other person is." - healthydoseofsarcasm
Vacations should be a time of well-deserved rest and relaxation. But if a couple has different ideas of what the "perfect" trip consists of, it could turn a relaxing vacation into a tumultuous one. Otherwise, how will you know that you both like sandy beaches and stingrays?
Be Considerate Of Your Partner
"Talk to your partner before you make decisions. I can't even tell you how much [crap] I get from my single friends when I tell them I’ll 'check with my husband' before agreeing to do something."
"Usually it’s just to make sure we don’t have something else going on that I forgot about, or maybe he wanted to do something and I haven’t brought it up. It’s not asking permission, it’s being conscientious of your partner." - IAmZot
Re-Create The Magic
"Once the butterflies go away it is your job to create butterfly moments." - Frito_del_sur_Sar
After a wedding and the "honeymoon phase," it's easy for married couples to fall into a monotonous and stagnant routine. Whether going on date nights together or surprising your spouse with random gifts, it's up to both people to recreate the magic they felt during dating, and keep that spark alive.
Your Partner Should Be Your Best Friend
Many users said that loving your partner is crucial, but so is just liking them as a person, and there's definitely a lot of truth to the saying "I married my best friend".
"I like my husband the most out of all the people I know. Even if I didn't have romantic feelings for him, I'd want to be friends with him because he's the coolest." - Cat_Toucher
Not Every Moment Of Marriage Will Be Happy
Not every moment of marriage will be happy, and as this user learned, it's important to work through issues together.
"I have been married over 30 years. I would estimate only 25 of those years [have] been happily married. People are often unhappy at work or something like that and leave their partner instead of dealing with the true problem. Your spouse should be the one you lean on to get through the outside noise not the first one you blame." - kearlysue
Getting A Good Night's Sleep
"It's okay to use separate blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold [butt] cheeks because the other person 'stole' the blanket!" - sophiethegiraffe
While some people are always ice cold, others are built like space heaters, and that can make sharing a bed difficult. Everyone deserves a restful night of sleep, so don't feel bad about having separate blankets or sleeping in different beds. This husband just received his own crocheted blanket made by his wife — look how happy he is!
Set Boundaries With Family And Friends
"Only the couple sets the rules of what their marriage is not your mother, not your friends, not tv...just you." - adamwritesit
When it comes to rules or important decisions in a marriage, that responsibility should solely be between the couple. Users said to keep family and friends' opinions out of ones' marriage and set clear boundaries with them. (Take this example, where the issue of "boundaries" wasn't made clear beforehand because the mother of the groom wore a wedding dress to her own son's wedding. Yikes.)
Be Honest With Your Spouse
As children, our parents taught us to always tell the truth, and not surprisingly, it's a trait we should continue into adulthood.
"Be honest always! Once you break trust, you never really get it back. Even if that honesty might cause some momentary discomfort, in the long run you're better off because your spouse will trust you." - Obiwan_ca_blowme
Focus On The Marriage And Not Just The Wedding
Many women dream about their wedding day, and while celebrating the love you have for your partner with loved ones is important, so is kicking off the marriage on the right note.
"I don't watch a ton of Friends, but I'll always remember that quote: 'I don't want a big, fancy wedding. I want a marriage.' If you blow all your money on the wedding, you're going to start your marriage out by stressing and struggling and fighting because you're in debt." - VirinaB
Fights Shouldn't Be Common
While every couple will inevitably fight, if your marriage often feels like a warzone then it's probably indicative of other underlying issues.
"Fights/quarrels will happen, but nowhere near as frequently as media makes it out to be. Fighting is not [the] norm of being married. If you're fighting a lot, that's not good and isn't a sign to get married just because fighting is 'inevitable', because it's not." - FlipsyFlop
Feelings Of Loneliness
"Getting married doesn't mean that you're never going to feel lonely again." - freechurro824
Users pointed out that your spouse can't be your only source of companionship and a healthy relationship should also comprise of having strong bonds with close family and friends too.
It's Okay To Go To Bed Angry
There's a saying that goes about how married couples should never go to bed angry. While it might work for some people, for others, people just need to sleep on it.
"A couple of years into our marriage, we were up still arguing about something at 2 AM. Finally we just went to bed angry after agreeing to discuss the problem in the morning...we both realized we'd both just been tired. Well-rested the next day the problem just didn’t seem as big a deal." - rebel1031
Change Is Inevitable
Change is inevitable, and not even your spouse or yourself will be immune to it.
"Your spouse is going to change. They will not be the same person you married 2, 5, 10, 20 years ago. Then once you've learned that, they will change again. Don't be keyed in on the idea of the person you married on your wedding day. You need to understand how to grow with them and love them for who they are at that moment." - Zabroccoli
One Final Piece Of Advice
The last piece of advice is simple, yet nonetheless important.
"When you're a young couple, dozens of older couples are going to tell you what works for them. The best thing to do is understand that it's coming from a place of caring, and some will be good advice, but you've got to just find what works for you." - DifficultMinute
