These Are The Undeniable Stages Of Parenthood You’ll Have To Face, So Buckle Up
Before you become a parent, there are a lot of things that you expect parenting to be like, and then, at the end of it all, things tend to go a bit differently than you thought they would. While every kid and every parent is different, there are some pretty universal stages just about every parent goes through.
The Good "OMG I'm Going To Be A Parent! Stage"
It's the earliest stage when you realize that you're expecting a child in your life. You tell everyone you know how happy you are and fawn over the sonogram you have taped on the fridge. It's all about baby names and how excited you are to meet the kid.
The "OMG I'm Going To Be A Parent" Panic Stage
Hold up: you realize that you—the person who left the oven on overnight, blacked out drunk the last time you went to the bar, and has eaten cereal for the past four meals—are about to be responsible for a whole other human being.
The "OMG I Am A Parent" Stage
It's almost surreal that you're holding a baby that's made up of 50% of your genes for the first time. You didn't even know you could feel this type of love and joy before.
The "Eat, Sleep, Scream, Poop, Repeat" Stage
Newborns truly are simple creatures: they eat, sleep, scream, poop, and repeat it over and over again with no regard for your sleep schedule at all. They take all your time and you're constantly exhausted.
The "Mom On Speed-Dial" Phase
In the beginning, you really have no idea what you're doing, so naturally, you're going to constantly call the one person you know who has been through the whole parenting schtick before—your mom.
The "This Kid Really Is Just Making Noises" Stage
Once you get past the newborn stage, you have this tiny human who just makes tons of incomprehensible noises that you're actively working to decipher. You start holding full conversations with this kid who can't understand a single thing you say. It borders on insanity.
The "Non-Stop Mess" Phase
Due to their ever-present lack of coordination and no concept of cleanliness, you have to deal with a human who spends all day creating new messes everywhere they go, whether it be on themselves, the furniture, the ground, or even on you.
The "Oh God, How Do They Move So Fast?" Phase
Remember the good old days when your kid couldn't sit up by themselves, let alone walk? Well, you've reached the time where keeping up with your hyperactive kid is impossible.
The "I Live With A Small Demon" Phase
Young children are undeniably some of the most sociopathic beings on the planet. They destroy things without a hint of remorse. They create chaos for no clear reason at all. You worry that you have made a monster.
The "I Want To Murder The Characters In Frozen" Stage
You can't fathom why your child wants to watch the same movie every day (and sometimes multiples times in a day), but you do know that you're one rendition of "Let It Go" away from a violent rampage.
The "Constantly Asking 'But Why?'" Stage
You first feel overjoyed to learn your kid has an inquisitive mind, but sometimes you really do not have the answers as to why certain things happen—I really do not know why the sky is blue.
The "They're Going To School Now?" Phase
On one hand, you're relieved to have them out of your hands for several hours a day. On the other hand, it's kind of scary to think that they're growing up so fast.
The "Super Niche Obsession" Phase
Every parent knows what I'm talking about: the stage where your child is super obsessed with one topic or thing—dinosaurs, princesses, etc.—and it is all that your child wants to think or talk about.
The "I Forgot How To Do Basic Math" Phase
Life is all fun and games until your kid is sitting at the kitchen table unable to figure out how to do their homework, so they ask you for help. Unfortunately, you haven't done math since high school, and now you both have to suffer through the homework.
The "I Don't Know How To Help My Kid" Stage
It's a horrible inevitability in life—we all have to face problems that often make us sad. For example, you learn that your kid is having trouble making friends, but you can only help them so much before they have to learn to navigate their problems alone.
The "My Kid Is Not As Good As I Thought" Stage
Your kid gets detention or you get a call from school about their behavior. As a parent, you never want to believe that your kid is capable of doing bad things, but you have to face that reality.
The "Drop Me Off A Block Away So My Friends Don't See You" Stage
Just a few years ago, your kid loved to hang out with you, and now they don't even want to be seen with you in public. It's hard to feel your kid pulling away from you or to admit that they no longer think you're cool as they ask you to drop them off away from the entrance when they're meeting their friends at the mall.
The "Am I Totally Messing This Up?" Stage
This is a stage you'll go through many times in your journey as a parent where you'll stop and seriously worry that a lot of the choices you've made in caring for your child have been wrong and you have, in fact, messed them up for life.
The "Wow, My Kid Is Truly Unique" Moment
This moment can really come at any time in parenthood, or it might come many times, where you have the sharp realization that your kid is so unlike you or their other parent. They're their own person with traits you couldn't have imagined for them, and you're both taken aback and full of joy.
The "You're Old And You Don't Know Anything" Stage
As a parent, it's your job to try and keep your kids safe, which also means that you have to make some pretty hard calls about where to put your foot down. Of course, your teenager is going to see you as being a villain—specifically, an out of touch old person who is boring.
The "Life Is Not Always Fair" Stage
Maybe it comes up when your child wants to go on an elaborate spring break trip or buy the trendiest clothes, but at some point, you need to let your kid know that you can't afford the same things as their friends' parents, or there's some other difference between your kid and the others that's no fault of their own, but they have to deal with anyway.
The "This Kid Is Definitely Lying To Me" Stage
You did it too: when you knew your parents wouldn't approve of you heading to a party or drinking, you'd find a way to lie and get away with it. Perhaps our kids doing the same to us is the punishment we deserve.
The "Tough Love" Phase
Naturally, you want to make life as simple as possible for your kid, but you also have to help them develop the skills they need—self-discipline, resilience, organization—to succeed in the future. Most times, it involves a whole lot of tough love.
The "Moving Out Soon" Stage
Partway through your kid's high school years, you begin to realize that you really don't have all that much time left with them before they venture off into the world on their own. You still desperately want to protect them and are sad to let them go; you also can't wait to turn their room into a new office.
The "Not Having The Responsibility Of A Child Is Awesome" Stage
Once you get past the sadder parts of empty nesting, you realize that you have way more time to yourself now that you're not driving a kid to football practice or cooking dinner for a whole family. You can pick up hobbies, start hanging out with friends more, and go on vacation more easily.
The "Guilt" Stage
You're sitting with your kid and they casually tell you about a bad phase in their life from the past—they struggled with an eating disorder, they faced constant bullying, they had mental health issues—and you feel so overwhelmingly guilty that you never even noticed that you beat yourself up over it for a while.
The "Yeah, The World Isn't A Good Place A Lot Of The Time" Stage
An unfortunate reality that every kid has to face—and every parent has to face vicariously through them—is a loss of innocence and naïveté. They believe in fewer good things now, and they see the world as a place that can be really cruel and awful. Perhaps you will never really accomplish all of your dreams. Life is hard.
The "My Kid Isn't Really A Kid Anymore" Stage
It's the moment that you realize that the little kid you used to carry on your shoulders really has grown up into an adult with their own values, views, personal baggage, and personalities that are totally independent of your own influence. They've flown from the nest and never will need you in the same way again.
The "Okay, I Can Finally Be Cool" Stage
Throughout your kid's developmental years, it's important that they can see you as an authority figure and role model in some way, so you pretend to be more wholesome and put together than you really are. Once your kids reach a certain age, however, it's finally safe to divulge tales of all the crazy and irresponsible things you've done.
The "My Kid Is Kind Of My Friend Now??" Phase
Of course, you always liked to hang out with your kid, but once they're old enough, the relationship you have with them is a lot more like a friend; you're no longer an authority figure, but really someone they chat with about life.
The "Holy Cow We Were Actually Good Parents" Stage
At some point, you realize that, in comparison to a lot of your child's peers, your child turned out to be pretty well-adjusted and maintains a good relationship with you, which a lot of parents can't also say. You give yourselves a little pat on the back.
The "My Kid Is Having A Kid" Stage
Your child calls you up to deliver the news that you're going to be a grandparent. It doesn't even feel that long ago that you were finding out you were going to be a parent, and the news overwhelms you with joy.
The "Getting To Spoil The Grandkid" Stage
Here's the fun part. All the things you couldn't do as a parent because you needed to maintain some strictness are out of the window and you can now unabashedly dote on your grandkids without any responsibility.
The "My Kid Is Helping Take Care Of Me Now" Stage
It's strange to think that a person you had to wipe the butt of is now fully grown up and helping look after you. Your kid checks in on you regularly, wants to see if you need to go to the doctor, and helps you with household maintenance you can't manage on your own. It's a strange 180° for everyone involved.
At The End Of It All, They're Still Your Baby
Despite all the stages of life you go through and all the ways that your kid grows and changes, you still look at them and see this tiny little newborn bundled up in a blanket, or the toddler who liked to eat Vaseline, or the kid who was passionate about playing the flute. They're always your baby.