The Controversy Of Free-Range Parenting
Ever heard of helicopter parenting? Free-range parenting is the opposite. This parenting method involves giving your kids plenty of independence to instill confidence, creativity, and problem-solving skills.
This is a controversial parenting method and the free-range parenting movement stems from former New York Sun columnist Lenore Skenazy who encouraged her nine-year-old son to ride the subway alone in New York City.
Different Parenting Methods
There are TONS of different parenting methods out there, and nobody parents their kid the exact same way.
No matter what you choose, or how you parent, it's important to ensure your parenting style is supporting healthy and happy growth and development.
What Is Free-Range Parenting?
This parenting method isn't just a defined list of rules or steps, because parenting is complicated and kids are also complicated.
The definition of free-range parenting varies between families, but it essentially involves giving your kids more responsibilities at a young age.
It's Not Permissive Parenting
Free-range parenting is not a ruleless world where the kids are left to figure everything out for themselves.
That's called permissive parenting and appeals to those who want to befriend rather than properly raise their children.
Free-Range Parenting - The Child's Responsibilities
These responsibilities vary based on the specific child's capabilities. When it comes to practicing lessons in real life, free-range parents step back and let their children take the reigns.
They might include, for example, walking to the park alone, riding bikes to school, or taking public transportation without supervision.
The Parents Are Still Involved
Free-range parenting isn't detachment, since mom and dad are still very much involved.
They’ll teach essential life skills, guide their children through challenges, and inform them about safety precautions.
An Ode To The Past?
This parenting method is reminiscent of decades past, where children would play outside until the street lights turned on. Arguably, parenting in the 21st century has become way more hands-on and protective than it used to be.
According to some parents, free-range parenting gives kids the chance to just be kids and explore the world, but it can also be pretty controversial.
Have You Heard Of Lenore Skenazy's Story?
Around ten years ago, Lenore Skenazy let her 9-year-old son find his way home alone, without a cellphone while navigating the New York City subway system, and she wrote about it for the New York Sun.
The media attacked Skenazy's decision and many publications dubbed her "America's Worst Mom." These events kick-started the controversy around the free-range parenting philosophy.
The Argument Of Child Safety
Skenazy claimed that her son was ecstatic with his independence when he got home. When asked "what if he never came home?" Skenazy claimed:
"I'd have been devastated. But would that just prove that no mom should ever let her child ride the subway alone? No."
Skenazy's Argument
"It would just be one more awful but extremely rare example of random violence, the kind that hyper parents cite as proof that every day in every way our children are more and more vulnerable."
This is up for debate, and her responses to backlash like this one has caused even more controversy.
The Argument: Kids Face Increased Risks Without Constant Supervision
Most parents believe that if they keep their young kids in sight, they can keep them safer. And to an extent, they may be right.
The reality is that if your young child is ALONE in a subway station, he is arguably more likely to get lost or find himself in a dangerous position.
Keep In Mind State & Local Laws
Back in 2015, a 10-year-old boy and his six-year-old sister were walking one mile from their Maryland home to the park. The children were stopped by police and taken home.
Child protective services showed up, requiring a parent to sign a pledge that he would not leave his children unsupervised until the following Monday when the agency would follow up. If he didn't sign, his children would be removed from the home.
Pros Of Free-Range Parenting
When kids do things on their own without a parent watching their every move, they learn to make their own decisions. increased self-confidence and self-sufficiency. Supporters claim that it promotes creativity and resoursefulness.
Free-range parenting, almost by definition, encourages kids to get outside, engaging in climbing, running, bike riding, and exploration.
Laws In Favor Of The Independent Parenting Style
Back in 2018, Utah became the first state to pass a law in favor of the independent parenting style - "free-range parenting" bill, which permits “a child, whose basic needs are met and who is of sufficient age and maturity to avoid harm or unreasonable risk of harm, to engage in independent activities."
The bill allows children to, “walk, run, or bike to and from school, travel to commercial or recreational facilities, play outside and remain at home unattended.”
Lenore Skenazy Today
Lenore Skenazy is president of Let Grow, a non-profit promoting childhood independence and resilience.
She also founded the book and blog "Free-Range Kids," with the aim of "fighting the belief that our children are in constant danger from creeps, kidnapping, germs, grades, flashers, frustration, failure, baby snatchers..." (The list goes on)
Take Our Children to the Park & Leave Them There Day
In 2010, Lenore dubbed May 22 the "Take Our Children to the Park & Leave Them There Day" as a day for children to learn how to play by themselves without constant supervision. It has been celebrated every year since.
Skenazy also became the host of the reality television show World's Worst Mom, where Skenazy would visit overly anxious parents, but the show was only 13 episodes long
The Burden Falls On The Mothers
In an interview with Independent Women's Forum, Skenazy claimed that the burden of overprotective parenting generally falls on the mother.
"Nobody is saying that women can't work," Lenore observes. “But we do say, 'I would never let my kid walk to school. She can never go to ballet alone.’ When we believe kids are in danger and must be protected by full-time parenting, it’s usually the mothers who are always behind the wheels of cars picking up kids from school and driving them every place.”
It's Up To The Parent
Skenazy can come across as a little aggressive at times towards parents who she deems as overly protective. And at the end of the day, it's up to parents to decide how they want to parent THEIR kids.
While one family may allow an 8-year-old to walk to the park alone, another family may still hire a babysitter for a 12-year-old, and that's just how it is.
With Free Range Parenting, Kids Earn Their Independence
Free-range parents allow kids to earn independence, which means that kids are granted increased freedom and responsibility gradually, as opposed to all at once.
The focus is on showing kids that they are capable of trying new things and accomplishing hard tasks on their own.
Raising Independent Children
Teenagers need some degree of freedom, and when kids become teenagers, it can be really hard to dictate exactly how much freedom they get, especially in today's digital world.
One mother claimed that "having a teenager tempted me to renounce all my free-range parenting beliefs."
What Do You Think?
Parenting is so complicated, and I'd like to say that you can give your kids the odd taste of independence to help them grow but it doesn't have to be your entire parenting philosophy.
With all that being said, what's your opinion on free-range parenting? Even though it's controversial, it clearly does have its benefits, much unlike helicopter parenting.
