These Are The Things People Wish They’d Known Before Getting Married
You learn a lot about marriage from your parents, from the relationships you see around you, and from friends who get married before you do, but there are still some things that you're going to be unprepared for.
So you're not flying in completely blind, we here at Dad Patrol have done you the great service of collecting some crucial pieces of information people wish they had known before they got married.
You Learn Something New Every Day
Marriage is a wonderful thing, and we're so happy you've found the person to spend your life with.
That life just happens to include a number of lectures about all the things you've been doing wrong up until this point in your life.
It's Better To Just Not Answer
You will need to learn the difference between a question that your wife actually wants an answer to and a rhetorical question that she has already picked out the correct answer for.
We don't make the rules. That's just how marriage works.
A Successful Marriage Takes A Lot Of Work
"That there is no such thing as a soulmate.
"A marriage takes work and some days it's harder than others. If you think you can just sit back and be married without putting in effort, you're going to be divorced." —Reddit / DaftFlunk
Can You Pitch A Tent With Your Spouse?
There are going to be things that come up in your marriage, certain activities that only come up once every few years or even once a decade, and they're going to test your resolve.
Be strong. And maybe bring a second tent so you have somewhere to sleep.
Who Will Break First?
Household tasks like doing the dishes or taking out the garbage are things that often turn into a standoff.
It's all about who is going to cave first and take on the task.
It Turns Out To Be A Pretty Good Time
"That it's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Oh sure, there are times when I want to grind my teeth into a fine powder out of frustration. That can be said about anything in life.
"But for the most part, it's as simple as getting to regularly enjoy the company of someone you appreciate. I put off getting married for a long time out of fear. But once I actually went through with it, it turned out to be a pretty good time." —Reddit / fallout629
Know Your Place
Don't forget about the special soaps that are also probably reserved for guests only, and maybe even certain foods or bottles of wine you're not allowed to touch unless the Queen is planning a visit.
There are so many things in my home I can't touch, and the Queen isn't responding to my invitations.
Invest In Your Future By Investing In Better Bedding
Do yourself a favor and get a duvet that's at least a full size bigger than your bed. That's the real secret to a happy marriage.
Or better yet—just get separate blankets. NO one can hog the blanket if you each have your own.
God Is A Woman And That Woman Is Your Wife
The house rules aren't just something that apply when you're in a casino.
They're also something that you can expect to always follow, and your wife is the only one who is allowed to set those rules.
You'll Probably Have To Make Some Compromises
"The older you are when you marry the more you've defined your own lifestyle. You're going to be smashing two lives into the space of one, so you're going to have to do some redefining.
"Don't be afraid to stand up for things that are important to you, but if something's not important to you and important to them, be flexible. The older you are, the more flexible you'll have to be." —Reddit / CrimsonYllek
But It's Compromise With A Good Reason Behind It
"Marriage is not about compromise—it never works out well. Marriage is about mutual submission. It's not about 'I'm giving up what I want, so you have to give up what you want and we settle in the middle.'
"Instead, it's about realizing that you can give up things of yourself when it means happiness for the other, which ultimately leads to your own happiness." —Reddit / mikaelfivel
You'll Never Forget Again
And if you're lucky, you're going to spend the next 15 years being reminded of the fact that you forgot your wedding anniversary that one time.
You're not going to live it down.
Love Means Folding His Underwear Without Complaint
"Gestures of love aren't the rooms filled with roses or holding boom boxes above your head.
"The little stuff: folding his underwear without complaint, being the one that gets up with the kid so she can get an extra half hour of sleep, doing the dishes even though it's his turn because you know he had a hard day—that's what love looks like." —Reddit / fightsactualfoo
Save Your Money For After The Wedding
"What a useless expense having a big wedding is. You spend over a year planning it, thousands of dollars, and it is all over in a few hours.
"Even my wife admits that she would have rather used the money for something else, but there would have been no convincing her otherwise prior to the event." —Reddit / mschwartz33
This Will Be Your Downfall
If you enjoy walking into the kitchen to discover that the majority of the cabinets and drawers have been left slightly—if not fully—open, marriage is definitely the right move for you.
If you want your drawers closed and everything in the right place, then maybe rent a studio apartment and enjoy the single life.
Your Husband Cannot Read Your Mind
"That my spouse isn't a mind reader.
"Just because how you feel is obvious to you doesn't mean it's obvious to them. Tell them what you need them to know." — Reddit / maggiel415b31dc3
Sleeping Well Is More Important Than What Society Deems "Normal"
"That you don't have to follow societal norms.
"My husband and I sleep in different rooms because it works for us. We sleep better and, thus, like each other more." —Reddit
You Have More To Consider When Making Decisions
"I wish I had sorted out what I wanted to do with my life. My 20s have been spent just sort of following life, rather than leading it.
"So now I'm going to grad school, getting things on track. And I wish I could do it my way. But I have a wife." —Reddit / mickster_island
Its An Ongoing Treasure Hunt
You'll quickly discover that there are two kinds of people in a marriage.
One person who constantly claims that things aren't where they're supposed to be or that they can't find something, and one person who then finds that same thing exactly where they thought it would be.
Leave The Tantrums To Your Toddler
"It is never OK to throw a tantrum. I grew up in a home where my mom did that. I would low-key do it, too, when I felt like I was right and he was wrong.
"What an [awful] thing to do. Put love and respect first, even when they are wrong." —Reddit
It's A New Level Of Commitment
"Been together for five years, and thought adding the label of marriage wouldn't change anything. It did.
"There's a new level of commitment when you're married. You live together, you share everything, including finances usually. You just realize you're way more attached to the person than before, and how big of a part of your life they are." —Reddit / surejan94
Always Say It Twice, Just To Be Safe
A lot of husbands complain that their wife nags them or repeats things, but if she didn't repeat herself, would you remember everything she asked you to get from the grocery store?
Would you know where those towels are supposed to go in the linen closet?
All Those Weird Food Habits Come To Light
"I wish I knew that she likes crunchy peanut butter. If I wanted to eat peanuts, I would have." —Reddit / br3or
One minute you're happy and in love, the next minute you discover you're married to someone who thinks crunchy is better than smooth peanut butter.
The Little Stuff Can Be The Big Stuff
Maybe you won't fight about money, maybe you won't have to juggle stressful careers while trying to coordinate who can drive the kids to soccer practice, but you'll almost definitely have debates like this.
Marriage vows don't cover being at 5% power on your phone.
A Marriage Is The Beginning Of A New Life, Not The End Of One
"How important it is to have a life outside of your marriage?
"Too many people go into it thinking you are now a 'we' more than a 'me,' but that is the quickest way to start hating one another." —Reddit / Whizzzzel
You're Can't Avoid Change
"How much life would change over the years, especially if you have kids. The biggest thing is to make sure you're both on the same page." —Reddit / JohnMC312
All you can control is how you handle those changes, along with your spouse.
Marriage Is Perfect For You If You Enjoy Constructive Criticism
Do you enjoy being told that you chew too loud? Or how about waking up to your wife plugging your nose or hitting you with a pillow because you snore like a buzzsaw?
Boy oh boy, have we got the deal of a lifetime for you!
Understand How Your Partner Communicates
"Everyone has their own ways of communicating how much they love you. Learn how s/he communicates and speak in his/her language (this goes both ways).
"Love has two cornerstones: commitment and sacrifice. If one breaks, the whole thing crumbles. If you're not sure you can do both, you're about to build a trap over your own head." —Reddit / CrimsonYllek
Let Go Of The Little Stuff
"Even though communication is key, forgiveness is an absolute must.
"If you can't let go of the little stuff and genuinely forgive each other's mistakes, it will not go smoothly." —Reddit / ScrewYourUnicorn
Always Eat Before You Do Errands
In order to ensure you have a successful outing, you and your spouse should always make sure you're well-fed before you tackle tasks like grocery shopping or going to IKEA.
Otherwise, you're in for a very unpleasant trip. Just bring snacks with you.
