“If My Mom Knew…” Secrets That Are Hilariously Relatable

You know you’re no angel. You know your mother taught you better. That still didn’t stop you from rebelling.

Even as a fully grown adult, there are some things that are best kept a secret from your own mother, because if she found out, it doesn’t matter how old you are, you know you’d be in trouble.

Disowning The Family Recipe With The Frozen Version

Cooking is an art. Families spend generations perfecting recipes that they pass on that don’t include defrosting pre-made store bought food.

It will never come close to tasting the same as being from scratch. Not to mention the frozen version has a bunch of added preservatives.

The Choice Of Party Outfits

Papas and Beer’s slogan is “Partyin’ since 1983.”

That’s a lot of years of people walking in and out so if you’re going there you might as well dress to impress if you want to stand out.

The More Soap, The Cleaner It Gets

You don’t realize how much detergent you put in till you come back and there’s a mini swimming pool in front of your washing machine.

For some reason you convinced yourself that the more soap you put in, the cleaner your clothes were going to come out.

Dinner Is More Of A Luxury Than Necessity

All those years of mom calling everyone down to the table at 6pm sharp for a full carb, protein and veggies dinner is gone like the wind.

It happens the minute you move out and realize how much effort, time, and money actually goes into buying those groceries and then cooking them.

Got To Stay Awake Somehow

If you can remember the last time you actually slept through a whole 8 hours soundly, congratulations, you’re in the minority.

The rest of us have to look for caffeine in whatever form we can get our hands on.

Cooking Is Too Much Work

When you come home from a long day of work or school, you have two options. You could either take on more work to cook a meal for yourself, or you can get your favorite meal delivered to your front door within the hour.

The latter has to win every time… until you see how much it adds up in your bank account.

The Way You Dress At Home

Why do moms expect you to dress up for your significant other at home… Especially if you’re married, you clearly already trapped them.

Plus, if they can’t love you when you look worse, they probably don’t deserve you anyway.

Awake Past Bedtime

Ironically, it’s actually very acceptable to be awake at 5:45am. That’s when a lot of people set their alarms to get ready for work.

He could get away with pretending he just got up.

Letting A Loser Break Your Heart

Somehow, you meet someone and something about them makes you toss all your standards and values out the window and you fall in love with them anyway.

Until it all blows up in your face and you go crying to your mom about it.

Daily Conversing With Internet Strangers

It’s unclear when exactly we normalized talking to complete strangers on the internet.

In the case of online dating, we even go to meet these strangers in person never being sure if they could be serial killers.

The Freedom To Eat All The Junk Food

Do you remember that scene in Freaky Friday where the daughter gets to enjoy eating all the fries without worrying about gaining weight?

There’s just something so comforting about fries.

Taking This One To The Grave

There are some things that mom is just better off never finding out about.

Misusing her furniture when she wasn’t home with your first boyfriend or girlfriend is definitely one of them.

A Young Man’s First Smoke

This may not be as relatable to everyone. That seems awfully young. You have to wonder who gave the cigarette and what they were trying to accomplish.

Hopefully it was a one-time occurrence.

Forever Alone To Your Parents’ Disappointment

The further you get in your twenties, let alone your thirties, the more family dinners become less about the holiday.

It becomes an interrogation of why you’re still sitting at the table without a partner.

Or Hiding A Secret Girlfriend

The other extreme of being single is actually being in a relationship but knowing that your partner would never pass your parent’s test or earn their blessing.

So, instead you’re forced to hide them for as long as possible.

Everything About Twitter

Then there’s some of us whose parents are on Twitter.

No matter how many times we explain to them that it’s not a place to post about their daily meals, they make Twitter whatever they want it to be.

This Is Just Wrong

There are innocent secrets you keep from your mom.

Then there are dark secrets that would ruin all her memories of your childhood and that you are even ashamed for having.

Reading In Secret

If only all the secrets on this list were as innocent as this one. At least reading in bed as a child after hours is still somewhat educational.

Nowadays books are replaced by cellphones.

What They Don’t Know Won’t Hurt them

Sometimes as a teenager, it was easier to ask for forgiveness than it to ask for permission.

If you’re only “borrowing” the car and you bring it back unscratched, they might not even notice it was ever gone.

Drinks On The Parents

What did they think happened? Hopefully they didn’t start blaming each other.

Unless they weren’t big drinkers and they have yet to find out until one day when they have guests over.

Mom Knows Best

Sometimes as a kid, it feels like all mom’s rules are just set to ruin your life.

However, some are actually mean to prevent you from cutting the inside of your mouth by using your teeth to open a can.

Trying To Impress Your Friends

When kids complain about feeling embarrassed by their parents in front their friends, they don’t realize that one day they’ll grow up to be those embarrassing parents themselves.

Respectfully chuckle so that hopefully your own kids will do the same one day.