Family Feels ‘Robbed’ That Dad Didn’t Let Anyone Hold His Baby Until His Wife Could

The first time you hold your child is a magical moment. It’s the spark of that first connection that will last a lifetime. One family couldn’t immediately capture this moment, which led them to take a different journey.

At the time of his baby’s birth, one man’s wife (and the mother of the child) was unconscious. When she remained unconscious for 4 days after that, this man decided that he would not let anyone hold the baby until she could.

Holding Your Baby For The First Time

We all know and love the feeling of holding a sweet little baby in our arms.

sleeping baby with open mouth in blanket
Photo Credit: kelvin octa / Pexels
Photo Credit: kelvin octa / Pexels

But when you hold your baby for the first time, it is a feeling like no other. Mom or dad are the ones who first get to properly hold the baby, which is exactly the way it should be.

This Dad Wanted Advice

User PoppaLoves posted to the r/amIthea-hole thread on Reddit a few months ago.

BRAZIL - 2020/06/08: In this photo illustration a Reddit logo is displayed on a smartphone.
Photo Credit: Rafael Henrique / SOPA Images / LightRocket / Getty Images
Photo Credit: Rafael Henrique / SOPA Images / LightRocket / Getty Images

The dad had a burning question about his controversial decision to not let anyone in his family hold his son after he was born.

This Man’s Wife Didn’t Like The Idea Of Being The Last One To Hold Their Son

He starts off the post by explaining that “this happened pre-Covid but the fight started again about a month and a half ago.”

person holding baby close to them
Photo Credit: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels
Photo Credit: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels

“My wife gave birth to our son in November 2019. She had a very complicated pregnancy and ended up needing an emergency C-section which we were aware could happen. We had talked about it for a while and she admitted hating the thought she would be the last to hold our son.”

So, He Didn’t Allow Anyone Else To Hold The Baby Until She Woke Up

So, when he was born and she was still unconscious, this dad did not allow anyone in their families to hold him, or even meet him really. After the birth, they saw and communicated with him but that was about it.

monitor at hospital
Photo Credit: Anna Shvets / Pexels
Photo Credit: Anna Shvets / Pexels

His wife was unconscious for four days, but thankfully recovered and was able to meet and hold their son. A day later, everyone else got to meet and hold him for the first time. He explains: “our families were upset but nothing really kicked off except for my mom and sister who were kinda pushy about it.”

The Incident

“Around January we had an incident. My wife put up some photos of her holding our son for the first time and talked about how traumatic the birth had been.”

couple folding heart shape with hands around baby feet
Photo Credit: Andreas Wohlfahrt / Pexels
Photo Credit: Andreas Wohlfahrt / Pexels

By doing this, his wife just wanted to raise awareness of how dangerous pregnancy and birth can be and basically just saying how grateful she was to have them both be okay.

“You Robbed Us”

The man explains that at this point, his mom and sister “then really started acting like kids. Saying it wasn’t fair and we robbed them of those first few days with their grandson/nephew.”

woman turned away from camera protecting herself
Photo Credit: Anete Lusina / Pexels
Photo Credit: Anete Lusina / Pexels

So, he explains that he told them that plenty of people meet grandkids and nieces/nephews days or even weeks or months after birth. And had their son been born during the pandemic, they would have had to have waited a lot longer. But they said he was selfish and should not have done that just because his wife couldn’t meet or hold the baby.

He Was Feeling Conflicted

The dad finishes off the post by explaining the following: “I am only conflicted on this because someone else suggested I robbed my son of having more interaction early on.”

man sitting alone thinking
Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels
Photo Credit: Nathan Cowley / Pexels

“I should have thought of him over my wife’s feelings on the whole thing and while most of me is screaming hell no, I wanted to see what a bunch of internet strangers would think.”

He Stuck To His Guns

Generally, people believed that this dad was in no way in the wrong in this situation due to the fact that moms deserve the right to be the first person to hold the baby.

And instead of giving in and allowing his family to hold the baby before her, he stuck to his opinions and didn’t give in.

It Was A Traumatic Birth Experience

Lots of users thought that the man’s mother and sister were being selfish for thinking of themselves in the situation.

Let’s not forget the fact that the baby’s mom was unconscious for 4 days, which was probably very traumatic for everyone involved.

Some Shared Their Own Experiences

This poor man was forced to deal with his family who was upset that they couldn’t hold the baby, as the baby’s mother was unconscious due to complications. And let’s not forget that it was just a few days. Those who were new parents during the pandemic couldn’t even have relatives over for weeks or months on end.

This Reddit user explained that when their baby was in the hospital, they told a white lie to the parents due to the emotional stress they were under.

“Mom And Sister Are Selfish”

Overall, people thought that the mother and sister in particular were just being really selfish about the whole situation.

The fact that the baby was born in November 2019 and they still are mad about it is pretty baffling.

It’s Safe To Say Everyone Was On The Dad’s Side

We couldn’t find any comments that were against the dad’s decision to hold off letting extended family hold the baby until his wife was up.

dad holding his son on his shoulders
Photo Credit: Maria Lindsey Conte / Pexels
Photo Credit: Maria Lindsey Conte / Pexels

The verdict: this guy was 100% not the a-hole.

Mother-In-Law Secretly Changes Newborn’s Name And The Internet Is Furious

She found out that the middle name she and her husband had agreed upon for their child was changed behind her back, and that it was her mother-in-law’s doing.

mom and dad holding a baby near a window
Photo Credit: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

The mother-in-law definitely stepped over the line but as we soon found out, she wasn’t the only one to blame.

It Wasn’t A Simple Mistake

When Mama Bear went to file away her 2-month-old son’s birth certificate and Social Security card, she was shocked to find that his middle named was spelled “Finlay” instead of “Finley.”

A new mother looks after her premature baby
Photo Credit: BSIP/UIG/Getty Images
Photo Credit: BSIP/UIG/Getty Images

Even though it was a one-letter difference, Mama Bear knew something was up.

She Had a Hunch There Was Something Going On

Mama Bear and her husband had specifically agreed upon the middle name on the condition it was spelled with an E.

a baby sleeping on a blue blanket
Photo Credit: Carlo Navarro / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Carlo Navarro / Unsplash

The new mom was pretty confused at first and knew it wasn’t just a simple typo.

Choosing A Name Is Already Difficult Enough

Let’s be honest—any parent knows that choosing the name is one of the hardest parts of the process.

three week old baby girl holds her mothers finger
Photo Credit: Tim Clayton/Corbis/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Tim Clayton/Corbis/Getty Images

First, both parents have to go through the long list of people they hate and cross those names off the list. Then, you have to find something that you both agree on.

They Put A Lot Of Thought Into That Name

Usually, the middle name is a concession or bargaining chip from one of the parents.

a baby sleeping on a pink dotted blanket
Photo Credit: Ignacio Campo / Unsplash
Photo Credit: Ignacio Campo / Unsplash

A lot of time and effort goes into choosing the right name so it can be pretty devastating to see it was all for nothing.

Mama Bear Confronted Her Husband Right Away

The first thing Mama Bear did was go to the source: her husband.

couple in bed and women doesn't trust man
Photo Credit: Wodicka/ullstein bild/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Wodicka/ullstein bild/Getty Images

He was the one who filled out their son’s paperwork while Mama Bear was in the hospital recovering for her C-section.

He Told Her What Happened

When she brought the evidence to him, her husband admitted that he had changed the spelling on purpose because his mother had “guilt-tripped him into doing it.”

couple arguing
Photo Credit: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels
Photo Credit: Ketut Subiyanto / Pexels

While he said he regretted it the moment the Social Security card came, he couldn’t bring himself to admit it.

Mama Bear Says Her Mother-In-Law Was Deceptive And Disrespectful

When Mama Bear prodded more, she found out that her mother-in-law called her husband to first try and convince him to change the name entirely.

Portrait of senior woman in garden
Photo Credit: Universal Images Group/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Universal Images Group/Getty Images

Her mother-in-law wanted the son to have a different first name and said Mama Bear would “get mad, but get over it.”

Her Mother-In-Law Is Still Trying To Make A Point

Eventually, the mother-in-law settled with a different spelling of Finley because she felt “Finlay” was more masculine.

a Christmas card with a penguin on it next to a present
Photo Credit: Lisa Fotios / Pexels
Photo Credit: Lisa Fotios / Pexels

The mother-in-law even sent a Christmas card with the middle name on it just “as a jab” toward Mama Bear.

It Left People Questioning The Husband

Mama Bear told Slate that she knows the mother-in-law has always been a manipulator and disliked her. In fact, she said the entire situation left her questioning her husband more than anything.

man and woman sitting on a bench in an argument
Photo Credit: Wodicka/ullstein bild/Getty Images
Photo Credit: Wodicka/ullstein bild/Getty Images

Even the advice columnist didn’t mince words when it came to her husband’s choice to lie and act behind Mama Bear’s back.

She’ll Never Forget

Mama Bear plans to legally change the name and is still unsure how to approach her mother-in-law.

woman holding her baby close to her
Photo Credit: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels
Photo Credit: Kristina Paukshtite / Pexels

But we can rest assured that Mama Bear won’t forget about this for a long, long time.