Guy Loses It On His Sister Who Told Him It’s ‘Perverted’ To Hug His Son
All families have different ways of expressing their love, and it's important to be respectful of that...as long as no one is getting hurt, that is. But, what do you do when a family member—who is living with you for free—has the nerve to tell you that they think your relationship with your kid is inappropriate? What would you do?
Someone on Reddit had the same issue and got upset, but he wasn't sure if he handled it properly.
He Was Trying To Be A Good Person
Opening up your home to someone you're estranged from and maybe don't have the greatest relationship with is a really nice thing to do. He obviously wanted to see the best in them.
It Wasn't Going As Planned
His sister wasn't being the best guest and was giving her brother a really hard time about how they lived their lives without noticing that her own daughter is estranged from her.
She Had A Lot Of Opinions
It seemed that she had a lot of opinions about his life and how he raised his son, and while getting family's input can be important, we don't want it if we don't ask for it.
Then She Crossed A Line
She told her brother that she thought it was gross that his son was openly affectionate with him. Obviously, that's insane, and he got really upset about the situation, as any of us would.
She Didn't Say Sorry, And Neither Did He
They left it on not-so-great terms, she didn't apologize and he, rightfully, didn't either. But he posted on Reddit asking if he was being too harsh and if he didn't handle it well.
Reddit Was Pretty Behind Him
Someone pointed out that it could be some deeply ingrained issues that extend outside the family that are causing her to react that way, and she needs to grow up and live in the real world.
Other People Shared Stories From Their Life
Hugging your parents and being affectionate with them isn't a weird thing to do. Everyone shows their love differently, and if this guy's son likes to give him a hug, what's wrong with that?
Showing Love In The Family Matters
There were a lot of people who were pointing out that life goes by quickly, and sadly there will come a time when those hugs won't be there the same way they used to be.
Others Were Worried For The Niece
Lots of people pointed out that they were concerned for the little girl and said it was no wonder she liked to stay hidden away in her room like a hermit.
She Meddled Too Far
It's a wonderful thing to have a loving and trusting relationship with your kids, and this woman clearly needs some lessons in that.
What do you think? Do you think that he overreacted?
This Situation Is A Small Part Of A Bigger Problem
There was another father on Reddit who was asking if it was OK to be affectionate with this son. The question seems ridiculous at first, but it really isn't. A lot of people were sharing that they had emotionally distant fathers.
He Went On To Say He Didn't Have An Emotional Upbringing
The person who originally posted the question went on to say that they didn't have an overly emotional relationship with their father and even found it weird to see other kids his age giving their dad hugs.
There A Lot Of Men Who Responded
It seemed that most of the men who were responding to this person's questions about how to show affection to their son were encouraging them to be as emotionally vulnerable as possible.
Kids Want Attention
The dads in the comments were saying that it is only weird because he doesn't know any better, and if his dad had been more open with him from the start, the thought of being emotional with his kids wouldn't be weird.
Others Spoke About Breaking The Cycle
Sometimes we seem to get stuck in this thought pattern of "I turned out fine, why do things differently?" And that's fair to a point, but ask yourself: wouldn't you have preferred to have a more open relationship with your dad, or even both of your parents?
We Don't Have Unlimited Opportunities
There were some people in the comments who were quick to point out that time goes by quickly, and that before they know it, there might not be the time to give each other hugs.
It's OK To Show Your Son Affection
It's alright to be affectionate with your kids. In fact, it should be encouraged! There has been a lot of research to suggest that kids who are more affectionate with their families become more accomplished adults.
They Won't Be Kids Forever
Yes, kids are going to eventually end up in that stage where they act like they would sooner die than be seen with you, but that stage is only temporary. As we get older, we go back to wanting those close relationships with our family.
Being Affectionate Doesn't Mean A Lack Of Discipline
Being affectionate with your kid doesn't mean that you're letting them get away with whatever they want to get away with. It just means that they will grow up knowing they can come to you.
We Have To Let Go Of This Toxic Masculinity
Not allowing fathers to feel comfortable being open and affectionate with their sons is just another way that toxic masculinity is still making life difficult in ways it doesn't have to be. We are in control of changing the narrative, so why don't we?
Dad Asks If He's Wrong For Banning Stepson After He Destroyed His Daughter's Belongings
A Redditor who goes by the username throw4privacy5 posted on the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit.
The question has been viewed by thousands of people who upvoted the post and commented, eager to chime in on the situation.
He Is Unsure Whether He Is In The Wrong For Banning His Stepson From The Home
The post asks: "AITA for refusing to let my stepson return home without punishment after he ruined my daughter's book collection?"
The title of the post indicates there's definitely more to the story, which the father goes on to explain.
His Daughter, Susan, Is 12 Years Old And Loves To Read
He explains that his biological daughter, a 12-year-old named Susan, loves to read and collect "old children's books." He went on to reveal that she had "problems with reading and learning" while growing up, and the books are a great way to keep improving her skills.
Susan also reads to her 2-year-old sister every night before bed to help her practice.
He Also Has A 16-Year-Old Stepson Named Levi
In addition to Susan, the father says he has a 16-year-old stepson named Levi. He admits that Levi can be a "hothead sometimes" and that they don't necessarily have a great "son-dad relationship" but that they do have mutual respect.
He adds that Levi can "act quite mean and selfish towards me and his sisters," giving the example of how Levi would throw away their belongings over small arguments and "teases Susan for spending a lot of time reading" calling her names like "grandma."
Levi's Behavior Is Problematic And When He Is Facing Punishment He Flees To His Father's House
The Redditor has spoken to his wife about Levi's behavior and they "agreed on punishments," but every time there are consequences to face, Levi would flee to his dad's place to avoid getting in trouble.
He also says the boy's father gets angry "for wanting to discuss a suitable punishment." "Then Levi comes home days later expecting me to let go of what he did every time, it's frustrating," he says.
Levi Took Susan's Entire Book Collection And Dumped It In The Pool After She Refused To Lend Her Camera
The incident in question happened one day when the father received a call from his daughter. Susan told her dad that Levi had "taken her entire book collection and threw them in the pool after she refused to lend him and his friends her camera for his trip."
He said that his wife had helped fish out the books but that "they were wet and some were torn." To make matters worse, some of the books were limited edition or vintage. He added that the books had "meant a lot to Susan as a part of her life."
Levi Went To His Dad's House After He Destroyed The Books To Avoid The Consequences
Susan's father was understandably furious. He said he "came home to have a conversation" with his wife to determine an appropriate punishment. But Levi had already packed his bag and headed to his father's.
He continued: "I asked my wife how could she let him basically run after doing this and she said he called his dad and he came to pick him up after Susan said that I was coming home to deal with the problem."
Levi's Father Was Against Punishing Him And Blamed His Mom And Stepdad For His Outbursts
The story continues that the father went to Levi's dad's house where he was staying. He said: "I told him how Levi was hiding from consequences," but unfortunately, his dad did not agree.
Levi's father blamed the stepfather and Levi's mother for his son's outbursts. "He even said he'd get CPS involved if I ever try to punish him because I'm not his dad, I have no right."
Levi Wanted A Promise In Writing That He Would Not Be Punished If He Returned Home
Levi's father also justified his son's actions by saying it "was a reaction to [Susan] being mean to him."
After the confrontation, Levi's father told his stepfather to leave. He also made it clear that Levi would not be returning to his mother's home until his stepfather promised in writing that he would not be punished. Seems a little melodramatic for someone who was down to drown children's literature.
The Stepfather Refused And Agreed That Levi Shouldn't Come Home, Which Made His Bio Father More Angry
Levi's stepfather agreed that Levi shouldn't come home until he's willing to face the consequences.
But the teen's bio father argued that "it's his mom's house too" and called his ex-wife to ask her to drop it. She "asked to let this go and we'll figure out some way to resolve it but I don't think it's fair for Susan to have her books ruined and Levi getting away with it."
The Entire Family Wants The Dad To Drop It But He Says That Will Only Make The Future Worse
The father said that while his family is encouraging him to let it go, he believes that "it will only encourage Levi to do worse if I don't deal with it now."
The man said that it had been two weeks since the incident but that his in-laws were even saying that he was wrong for "banning Levi from coming home," also telling him to back down and move forward.
The Stepfather Has Been Repeatedly Talked Out Of Punishing Levi
In an "EDIT" update to the post, the father adds that Levi's bio dad has "caused issues" in the past when the stepfather would take Levi's electronics (that his dad bought) as punishment.
He said he is constantly "talked out" of punishing the teen "every time he does something unacceptable" to his stepdad or sisters. He even admits that he has "arranged for family therapy but Levi's dad refused to let him go."
Levi Is Willing To Apologize—The Family Thinks That's Enough
In a final update, the father says: "I'd like to mention that my in-laws said that Levi is willing to apologize to Susan and so this should be enough to get this over with."
But the apology alone is not enough for this father and he insists he "kept saying no, and for that, I'm being considered at fault." The Reddit community took in the info and decided to rate him not the a**hole in the situation.
Are These Grounds For Divorce? Some Commenters Say Yes
The top comment was left by RedditUser123234 who said: "NTA. If your wife refuses to punish her son, then you need to divorce her, or at the very least move into a separate house with Susan and your youngest daughter until Levi is out of the house for good. If your stepson continues to get away with hurting Susan with no consequence, Susan is going to suffer greatly. This is a hill to die on."
The commenter added an afterthought to say that the man should certainly try to convince his wife to see his side, but if she continues to side with her ex-husband, it's going to be harmful to the marriage and family.
You Don't Teach Respect By Acting Disrespectfully
While some people suggested selling off Levi's belongings to pay for replacement books, another pointed out that "you don't teach respect by acting disrespectfully."
Their suggestion was to deal with the situation at its root: the boy's mother.
His Behavior Toward The Women In His Life Could Become A Pattern
Another user pointed out that Levi's behavior toward his younger stepsister could be an indication of how he may treat women in his life in the future.
They said that the boy's biological parents are reaffirming that his behavior is acceptable by not punishing him. What do you think?
