Man Says He Doesn’t Want To Propose Again After Girlfriend Rejects Him, Now She’s Upset
A proposal is something that a person would typically put a lot of thought and care into. Even if it's not an elaborate grand gesture, it's still something that the person proposing has probably thought a lot about.
So how you would feel if you proposed to your girlfriend, she turned you down, and then told you to try again later? This is the dilemma one man is facing right now.
Seeking A Second Opinion
A story about a botched proposal is one that no one wants to be the one to tell, but we all like to be the ones who hear about the drama.
One Reddit user, u/throwRAproposa1, posted his own story in the Relationship Advice subreddit community when he was seeking help in a tricky situation.
Round One Of The Proposal Wasn't Successful
The 28-year-old male wrote a post titled "I don't want to be the one to propose a second time after the first proposal was rejected," and immediately we feel sympathy for him.
He says he proposed to his girlfriend (30) at home the first time around, because she had said previously that she wouldn't want a public proposal.
A Special, Private Moment
"I tried to make it feel special. I made an elaborate meal from scratch, and afterwards I popped the question."
So he listened to her wants and didn't organize a flashmob to accost her in the grocery store, which is great.
It Wasn't Out Of The Blue, Either
The Reddit user mentions in a later post too that the couple has been together for over four years, and it's something they've talked about before.
It's not like this was some spontaneous proposal that she didn't see coming because they were still in a new relationship or hadn't talked about marriage.
I Love You But...
While they had clearly discussed an engagement beforehand, the answer wasn't what he was expecting.
His girlfriend told him that she loves him, wants to marry him someday, "but isn't ready to take the step to be engaged." The man says he even offered to "wait a while" before actually getting married, but she still said no.
"I Want To Respect That"
Most importantly, this man wrote in his post that he respects her decision. This isn't about trying to convince her to get engaged before she's ready.
"Although I was disappointed, I am not upset with her about it," he wrote. This seems like the right attitude to have in this situation, so they can both move forward without too much awkwardness.
Then She Started Dropping Hints
Just a few days after she had rejected his proposal, his girlfriend apparently "offhandedly mentioned something about [him] proposing again in the future."
Now we get to the question that he wants the answer to: Should he have to propose again?
He Says The Ball's In Her Court
In response to her hints about a future proposal, he told his girlfriend that she should have to be the one to propose the second time around.
"In essence, my point was that I had already asked, she knows I'm ready, my cards are 'on the table.'" Plus, he said he put a lot of work into making it a sentimental moment, and he doesn't feel he should have to recreate that moment.
She Thinks He's Retaliating Against Her Rejection
His girlfriend said she feels he is punishing her for rejecting his original proposal and feels that he should still be the one to propose.
The post notes that "this is putting a lot of strain on us," which is not a surprise, so now he's looking for advice.
The Responses Are Divided
Most people in the comments agreed that the user wasn't asking for anything too outrageous, and understood where he was coming from when he said he felt it was her turn.
It's easy to empathize with someone who doesn't want to go out on a limb again after having his first proposal rejected.
How's He Supposed To Know When She's Ready?
The main point that a lot of people raised in support of the boyfriend is how is he supposed to know when she's ready?
He's made his intentions clear, he's laid out how he feels, and she should be the one to propose next time because she's the only one who can decide when she's ready.
Some Think It's Not Going Anywhere
Another camp of people pointed out the unfortunate fact that if she still doesn't know how she feels about their relationship after four years together...she might not ever.
If you're in your late 20s or early 30s and you're in a relationship with someone for four years, you would usually assume that you're on the same page about what you want.
This Could Be Solved If They'd Just Talk To Each Other
As it seems to go with so many of these types of stories, we once again come back to the idea that proper communication would solve a heck of a lot of problems.
It doesn't need to be completely on one person, so maybe if they spoke about it, they could reach a proposal like this commenter suggested, where everyone would be happy!
